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My daughter might die and I can’t cope

147 replies

PunnyDeer · Today 19:25

My daughter is 2 1/2 months old.
She was born poorly with a condition called chylotorax. Doctors did genetic testing and found out she has Noonan Syndrome.
She recently outgrew NICU and was transferred to our local children hospital’s PICU.

She got an infection and is very poorly. I didn’t realise how sick she was until this morning, one of her doctor’s offered to call the palliative team in case the worse comes to the worse.
He said her situation is very dangerous, and there’s a real risk she might pass away, and it could even be this weekend. She could get better but there’s a serious risk she does not. Her underlying condition is also still present.

Theres so much going on with her, I don’t write it down as it upsets me too much.

I can’t cope!! I don’t know I will cope if I lose her! I’ve never been in so much pain. She’s on the oscillator and sedated. I can’t look at her without breaking down. I am beyond terrified.
We don’t have childcare but my husband’s family is on their way to us. In the meantime I’m in our Ronald McDonald House with my other kids, and my husband is with her.

I am a mess.
How do people do this? Will I be in agony and sad for the rest of my life is she passes?
How do you ever come to term with that? Will any of us ever be happy again?
I want to die if she passes.
All she’s ever known is the hospital rooms and machines, she’s never seen anything beautiful.
I only got to hold her a handful of times. She only got to have my milk or formula a couple times because they stopped feeding her.

She was starting to get so much better and was off respiratory support a couple weeks ago, and now she’s on an oscillatory ventilator!! How is that possible??

OP posts:
fivetriangulartrees · Today 19:26

I am sending you love.

Wallabyone · Today 19:27

I’m so, so sorry 😔 This is so terribly sad. Is there a support team there, counsellors, who you can speak to? Thinking of you…sending love and strength xxx

Bogstandardname · Today 19:28

My heart goes out to you. You are stronger than you know you are. You are needed. XX

RandomUserName12345 · Today 19:30

I am so sorry. I wish your family all the best.

Ask the nurses about pastorale care - a lot of hospital chaplains are brilliant. And ask about charities working with parents and children like you - some of them are wonderful support.

Sirzy · Today 19:30

Talk to the staff they will be able to signpost you to the best support locally.

so sorry you are going through this, make sure you look after yourself

Lamelie · Today 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

RecyclingSal · Today 19:31

Oh op, I am so, so sorry. I have no words / advice but I am sending you so much love. Be with your beautiful baby when your husband’s family get to you and just soak in every moment with her. Much love 💐

thenewaveragebear1983 · Today 19:31

If you are in the midlands, near Worcester, birmingham or Walsall, please speak to Acorns. Ask someone in the hospital to refer you, it’s very simple. They will care for you and your daughter and the rest of your family while you go through this and afterwards.

sending you love, I cannot imagine what you must be going through.

WildFatball · Today 19:33

You can cope and you will cope. Try to take 5 minutes at a time. Stay focused on what's happening right now. Five things you can see four things you can feel three things you can hear two things you can smell one thing you can taste. Stay focused on the kids that are with you. Deal only with what is happening now.

LIZS · Today 19:33

There should be counsellors and psychologists in the hospital to help you process your dc illness. Ask for a referral , the staff will be used to this situation but should be able ti help you access support for you. Hope your dc rallies and you get to spend more time together.

ABZombie · Today 19:33

Lamelie · Today 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

This. Sending you love, my heart goes out to you.

BigcatLittlecat · Today 19:33

Oh my love, there are no words. But she has seen something beautiful, she has seen you, and she will know your love for her is absolute.

BeRedLemur · Today 19:37

I am sending my love! I lost my twins in nicu 2 years ago at a few months old you can do this! The hospital should have some support in place to help you!
I just want you to know you can do this! It will be okay everything feels like it’s falling apart now but I promise you at some point you will be okay!!

greencrab · Today 19:38

"How do people do this? Will I be in agony and sad for the rest of my life is she passes?
How do you ever come to term with that? Will any of us ever be happy again?
I want to die if she passes."

The people who do cope are ordinary people just like you who don't know how they could ever go on. what you are feeling is totally natural and normal. Don't worry about the future right now, just try and get through today.

There are things that can be arranged if they are important to you, it sounds scary but sometimes the palliative care team can be really well placed to support with that...if you want cuddles, it to be able to take her outside for a few moments so she sees the outside world then let staff know so they can work to arrange it if possible

Modernschooling · Today 19:41

Lamelie · Today 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

This.
Your daughter will already be fighting her own life. Long or short it’s an amazing thing. She will be so much better having you her corner.

Chickpeacurrywithrice · Today 19:41

I’m so very sorry. She has seen your beautiful face though. Sending strength to you and your DD. ❤️

Yupstillhere · Today 19:43

Bless her, no advice but sending love. Wishing you strength and healing to her.
I hope you get to be with her soon.

OrangeSlices998 · Today 19:43

Sending you so much love OP my heart breaks for you. You are stronger than you think and I hope you are being well supported. Is there anything you’d like to do if the worst were to happen, like baptise her? A hospital chaplain should be available all the time to offer kindness and support. You’re not alone xoxoxo

Corrrrrblimey · Today 19:47

Lamelie · Today 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

This, darling! All she has ever needed is you.
Sending you lots of love and will pray for a positive outcome for you all x

Sirzy · Today 19:51

Lamelie · Today 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

I think this is one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read on here.

TFImBackIn · Today 19:51

Oh that is heart breaking. I'm so sorry. I really hope everything goes well for your beautiful little girl. Flowers

Thatsillymama · Today 19:54

Sending you so much love. My own son had chylotorax before he was born and it such a terrifying experience having surgery while i was still pregnant. We were lucky and he survived I really hope you have the same luck ❤️.

141mum · Today 19:54

Sending love, so bloody sad and hard for you xxxx

Sewingbeedamned · Today 19:55

We are all capable of more than we think. You will cope, but it will feel hard or impossible at times. Please use any help offered and find a support group for bereaved parents. I am so sorry.

worldshottestmom · Today 19:55

My heart is broken reading this and I'm tearing up just thinking about it. OP is am so deeply, seriously sorry. I cannot even imagine. Sending every hope and prayer that your daughter makes a full recovery and is okay. Stay strong, I know it's hard. Life is so unfair and cruel. Sending you and your sweet baby girl all of the love and strength in the world. Hold on ❤️