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My daughter might die and I can’t cope

158 replies

PunnyDeer · Yesterday 19:25

My daughter is 2 1/2 months old.
She was born poorly with a condition called chylotorax. Doctors did genetic testing and found out she has Noonan Syndrome.
She recently outgrew NICU and was transferred to our local children hospital’s PICU.

She got an infection and is very poorly. I didn’t realise how sick she was until this morning, one of her doctor’s offered to call the palliative team in case the worse comes to the worse.
He said her situation is very dangerous, and there’s a real risk she might pass away, and it could even be this weekend. She could get better but there’s a serious risk she does not. Her underlying condition is also still present.

Theres so much going on with her, I don’t write it down as it upsets me too much.

I can’t cope!! I don’t know I will cope if I lose her! I’ve never been in so much pain. She’s on the oscillator and sedated. I can’t look at her without breaking down. I am beyond terrified.
We don’t have childcare but my husband’s family is on their way to us. In the meantime I’m in our Ronald McDonald House with my other kids, and my husband is with her.

I am a mess.
How do people do this? Will I be in agony and sad for the rest of my life is she passes?
How do you ever come to term with that? Will any of us ever be happy again?
I want to die if she passes.
All she’s ever known is the hospital rooms and machines, she’s never seen anything beautiful.
I only got to hold her a handful of times. She only got to have my milk or formula a couple times because they stopped feeding her.

She was starting to get so much better and was off respiratory support a couple weeks ago, and now she’s on an oscillatory ventilator!! How is that possible??

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · Yesterday 21:16

No words, just….. ❤️❤️💔💔😢😢

WhatsItAllForAnyway · Yesterday 21:16

I'm so sorry OP. I know this is a terrible time for you. I hope your daughter recovers.

I lost my daughter and want to reassure you that if you do lose your baby, you will cope. If there is no other reason you will cope, it will be because you need to for your other children. It would be the most painful and hardest thing you will ever go through but you will be happy again and find the other side. Not that it ever leaves you or doesn't affect you in some way.

I hope you never have to cope though and that all will work out fine with your daughter.

horseplay12 · Yesterday 21:23

I can’t tell you how sorry I am for you all - all your precious and beautiful daughter has ever known is love, pure love x
My own DD only lived until she was 2 days old, and I wasn’t able to hold her until the very end when we were able to bathe her and hold her after they took the ventilator off.
But, the memories we have of singing to her, reading to her & talking to her will stay with us forever - love, and only love, was all that she ever knew.
please believe that you have the strength - you have to for your other children who depend on you.
if the worst happens, you are not on your own at all - you have your DH, your DC, and sadly, many other bereaved Mums around you who may be further along and may be able to offer you support through these darkest of times.
I can’t tell you how much strength & love & best wishes I sending you right now xxx

SeraphinaRainbird · Yesterday 21:23

Lamelie · Yesterday 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

This is a really lovely reply.

Charel2girl5 · Yesterday 21:27

I’m sending you all the love and hope you need. God bless your family.

readingmakesmehappy · Yesterday 21:28

Your love for her is so plain. She will know she is loved, whatever happens.

ask the hospital chaplaincy team for support, even if you’re not religious. They can point you towards people who can be there for you.

Stillheere · Yesterday 21:32

Sending you love & strength x

BinNightTonight · Yesterday 21:32

I am so sorry. Thinking of you all.

66babe · Yesterday 21:34

I am so so sorry and sending you lots of love strength and hope ❤️

Itisme567 · Yesterday 21:36

I am so sorry 😞 😔

Mumofthreeteenagers · Yesterday 21:40

I believe in the power of prayer. I pray your daughter pulls through and you get strength to cope with her conditions. Im so sorry you are experiemcing this - Sending you hope x.

scotsmumofteens · Yesterday 21:40

Heartbroken for you and sending so much love xxx

mommatoone · Yesterday 21:42

I'm so sorry OP. I have no words other than I am sending you love and strength. Praying for you and your family right now♥️

PussyGaylore · Yesterday 21:45

I am so sorry you are going through this. Take one minute at a time. Sending love to you and your family 🤍🤍🤍

Sassylovesbooks · Yesterday 21:45

Oh my lovely, my heart goes out to you. You must be frightened and so worried. Unless someone has walked in your shoes, I don't think anyone can tell you how to cope, if the worst happens. Does the hospital have any counselling services that you can access?

I found this: https://www.noonansyndrome.org.uk it's possible they may have some kind of helpline. Often charities run helplines for families, where you can speak to someone with experience of the illness.

As someone else has said, your little one has seen beautiful things...you and your husband's faces ❤️

Sending you much love ❤️

Shatenoeuf · Yesterday 21:46

I just wanted to come in for a handhold op.

Ive been there, 2.5 month old in picu on a full ventilator, alone in a ronald mcdonald house. All you can do is focus on the fact that shes in the best hands, picu nurses & doctors are brilliant.

Crossing everything for her tonight op. My DD pulled through, hoping yours does.

Shatenoeuf · Yesterday 21:46

Ps try child growth foundation facebook group for info on Noonan.

Jdemam · Yesterday 21:50

PunnyDeer · Yesterday 19:25

My daughter is 2 1/2 months old.
She was born poorly with a condition called chylotorax. Doctors did genetic testing and found out she has Noonan Syndrome.
She recently outgrew NICU and was transferred to our local children hospital’s PICU.

She got an infection and is very poorly. I didn’t realise how sick she was until this morning, one of her doctor’s offered to call the palliative team in case the worse comes to the worse.
He said her situation is very dangerous, and there’s a real risk she might pass away, and it could even be this weekend. She could get better but there’s a serious risk she does not. Her underlying condition is also still present.

Theres so much going on with her, I don’t write it down as it upsets me too much.

I can’t cope!! I don’t know I will cope if I lose her! I’ve never been in so much pain. She’s on the oscillator and sedated. I can’t look at her without breaking down. I am beyond terrified.
We don’t have childcare but my husband’s family is on their way to us. In the meantime I’m in our Ronald McDonald House with my other kids, and my husband is with her.

I am a mess.
How do people do this? Will I be in agony and sad for the rest of my life is she passes?
How do you ever come to term with that? Will any of us ever be happy again?
I want to die if she passes.
All she’s ever known is the hospital rooms and machines, she’s never seen anything beautiful.
I only got to hold her a handful of times. She only got to have my milk or formula a couple times because they stopped feeding her.

She was starting to get so much better and was off respiratory support a couple weeks ago, and now she’s on an oscillatory ventilator!! How is that possible??

To echo what everyone else is saying. I am praying for you and daughter and you are much stronger than you think xxx

Dreamcakes · Yesterday 21:52

I am sorry, that is heartbreaking. Sending love & strength

MadisonAvenue · Yesterday 21:56

Sending you so much love, my thoughts are with you all ❤️

DaisyDooley · Yesterday 22:09

Gently, if it looks like she is going to slip away ask to hold her.
Holding her, smelling her, her feeling the warmth of your body, and love coming from your voice will bring you both so much comfort.
You were there for her first breath - and if the worst happens you will be there for her last, all the while loving her. She will know it’s you who is with her.
Sing and soothe her out of this world .
Let her hear joy that you are her mummy.
I’m sending you both love and strength.
My thoughts and hopes are with you and your family.

Fortuity · Yesterday 22:12

Do contact https://www.noonansyndrome.org.uk. Talking to other parents who have been in the same situation can be incredibly helpful.

Grammarnut · Yesterday 22:13

Sending love.💐

MirrorClocks · Yesterday 22:14

Sending really positive vibes your way. Thinking of you all xx

Janecat23 · Yesterday 22:16

It’s hard to find words for what you are going through. I am so so sorry. All I can offer is take it a day or an hour at a time. Thinking big is too
much at the moment. Just one foot in front of the other, that’s it x