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My daughter might die and I can’t cope

158 replies

PunnyDeer · Yesterday 19:25

My daughter is 2 1/2 months old.
She was born poorly with a condition called chylotorax. Doctors did genetic testing and found out she has Noonan Syndrome.
She recently outgrew NICU and was transferred to our local children hospital’s PICU.

She got an infection and is very poorly. I didn’t realise how sick she was until this morning, one of her doctor’s offered to call the palliative team in case the worse comes to the worse.
He said her situation is very dangerous, and there’s a real risk she might pass away, and it could even be this weekend. She could get better but there’s a serious risk she does not. Her underlying condition is also still present.

Theres so much going on with her, I don’t write it down as it upsets me too much.

I can’t cope!! I don’t know I will cope if I lose her! I’ve never been in so much pain. She’s on the oscillator and sedated. I can’t look at her without breaking down. I am beyond terrified.
We don’t have childcare but my husband’s family is on their way to us. In the meantime I’m in our Ronald McDonald House with my other kids, and my husband is with her.

I am a mess.
How do people do this? Will I be in agony and sad for the rest of my life is she passes?
How do you ever come to term with that? Will any of us ever be happy again?
I want to die if she passes.
All she’s ever known is the hospital rooms and machines, she’s never seen anything beautiful.
I only got to hold her a handful of times. She only got to have my milk or formula a couple times because they stopped feeding her.

She was starting to get so much better and was off respiratory support a couple weeks ago, and now she’s on an oscillatory ventilator!! How is that possible??

OP posts:
Lacksie · Yesterday 20:00

Lamelie · Yesterday 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

This OP, this this this.

Sending you and your baby so much love. Praying for you xxx

amusedbush · Yesterday 20:00

Sirzy · Yesterday 19:51

I think this is one of the most beautiful posts I have ever read on here.

Agreed - instant tears in my eyes when I read that

NorthernStarlight · Yesterday 20:02

You sound so anguished and I’m so sorry you’re having to face this.
For now, take things hour by hour and if that’s too much, minute by minute. Just get through each moment and try to take some deeper breaths.
Holding your hand from Manchester x

Thesafetygeneral · Yesterday 20:03

I’m so sorry to hear this. Please let people help you and take support from any counsellors. This is truly awful and is going to really hurt but you will find a way to cope as your other children will also need your support. Try and all look after each other. I’m so sorry

Toastietoastie · Yesterday 20:03

I'm am so very sorry to read this, it broke my heart . Sending love to you and your family, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Life is so so terribly unfair. You have survived every hard day so far, it may not feel like it but you will cope.

wifty · Yesterday 20:04

I’m so sorry to hear this, sending you so much love and prayers for her x

MDDR · Yesterday 20:04

PunnyDeer · Yesterday 19:25

My daughter is 2 1/2 months old.
She was born poorly with a condition called chylotorax. Doctors did genetic testing and found out she has Noonan Syndrome.
She recently outgrew NICU and was transferred to our local children hospital’s PICU.

She got an infection and is very poorly. I didn’t realise how sick she was until this morning, one of her doctor’s offered to call the palliative team in case the worse comes to the worse.
He said her situation is very dangerous, and there’s a real risk she might pass away, and it could even be this weekend. She could get better but there’s a serious risk she does not. Her underlying condition is also still present.

Theres so much going on with her, I don’t write it down as it upsets me too much.

I can’t cope!! I don’t know I will cope if I lose her! I’ve never been in so much pain. She’s on the oscillator and sedated. I can’t look at her without breaking down. I am beyond terrified.
We don’t have childcare but my husband’s family is on their way to us. In the meantime I’m in our Ronald McDonald House with my other kids, and my husband is with her.

I am a mess.
How do people do this? Will I be in agony and sad for the rest of my life is she passes?
How do you ever come to term with that? Will any of us ever be happy again?
I want to die if she passes.
All she’s ever known is the hospital rooms and machines, she’s never seen anything beautiful.
I only got to hold her a handful of times. She only got to have my milk or formula a couple times because they stopped feeding her.

She was starting to get so much better and was off respiratory support a couple weeks ago, and now she’s on an oscillatory ventilator!! How is that possible??

Oh bless you and your beautiful daughter. I'll keep you in my thoughts this weekend.

jazzandallthatrazz · Yesterday 20:07

I'm so very sorry. There are no words Sending you so much love 💗 ❤️

Happymchappyface · Yesterday 20:07

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If it’s ok with you I’ll say a prayer for her this evening.

You will get through this, and do take the offer of any and all support that is presented.

You mentioned your milk, no pressure on this, but perhaps look at the Human Milk Foundation. Their snowdrop donors are amazing women. They have been in your shoes and found donation of their milk helped.

DrHGS · Yesterday 20:07

I’m so sorry. Sending you much love xx

vantiplacebo · Yesterday 20:07

Sending love xx

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 20:09

I'm so so sorry 😞 I can't imagine what you're going through, unimaginable pain and worry. How do you cope? I think you have to take it a minute at a time and don't think beyond that. Stay in the moment and concentrate on willing her all your strength and love. You can ask for support from the hospital chaplain, you don't have to be religious and they can be a wonderful calming presence. Thinking of you at this awful time and sending love - keeping you and your lovely baby girl in my thoughts 🙏

Baldrapunzel · Yesterday 20:10

Your daughter has seen the most beautiful thing in the world - how much her family love her. She is surrounded by love. If she doesn't make it through, you will know everything possible has been done for her, including being strong enough to let her go.

No parent should have to go through what you're going through. You will have love and support to help you through everything in the future. Take help from wherever it comes.

Wishing you and your dear child peace and comfort.

Pulledbluecurtain · Yesterday 20:10

We found out my son had a brain tumour before his first birthday after he got very sick. We made it through picu but his prognosis is still very difficult. I have absolutely been there were you feel like you can't breath and it's impossible and you want to tear your own skin off to escape. Like you I also had other children to consider.

Ask for a referral to the hospital psychologist, we got seen same day and it was an outlet. The next few hours/ days, don't think too far ahead. Be there with her, play music, read stories and try to breathe. If you need to cry just do.

The picu nurses have to be there but you can say please don't talk to us or I said to them I cant form words, can I have a pen and paper and ill write what I need. If you need a response from me it has to be written.

I would really recommend asking for a referral to hospice. I don't know a single person who have regretted it, they are lights that can guide you through and support the entire family.

If you need to talk I'm here. There is an incredible community of people who have walked this path. Sending strength.

DangerousThingsILove · Yesterday 20:10

I’m so sorry. Your poor little girl, and poor you. Sending you a gentle handhold.

She may not have left the hospital but she has seen you and knows your love, and she is being looked after and cared for.

Sending love.

And do ask the hospital staff for help - they should be able to signpost you to a charity that can help you all.

Kirschcherries · Yesterday 20:12

💐 So sorry you are all going through this. Just posting to offer support.

ithinkilikethislittlelife · Yesterday 20:13

she has known her mothers love and there is nothing more beautiful. My heart aches for you all, sending you love and hoping for a miracle x

onedayillmoveon · Yesterday 20:13

fivetriangulartrees · Yesterday 19:26

I am sending you love.

Me also. I don’t have children and don’t have any good advice, but I do wish love x

newhousenewhouse · Yesterday 20:13

in a similar situation with my child I was advised not to look further than an hour at a time. I know it’s hard to do but don’t think about the future. Try to focus on the current situation and I hope you get to the hospital soon.

bgi · Yesterday 20:13

I am so so sorry. Both my DD's have a rare genetic condition and we have been in PICU a few times and I can understand the absolute pain of being there and not knowing whether they will make it out. I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and sending you so much love and strength xx

CarelessWimper · Yesterday 20:14

I am so sorry. I hope that your daughter manages to recover. She is very loved and that is beautiful.

MudandMoet · Yesterday 20:14

I can’t imagine how much your heart must be hurting right now. Wishing your baby all the luck in the world and sending you heaps of love ❤️

blankcanvas3 · Yesterday 20:15

Lamelie · Yesterday 19:31

“she’s never seen anything beautiful.”
She’s seen her mama’s face and your love for her shines through your post. I can’t think of anything more beautiful.
Wishing you all peace, strength and love.

What a gorgeous thing to say. It’s moved me to tears. I hope you see this OP because it’s so true. Sending you love xx

AlleycatMarie · Yesterday 20:15

I am so sorry. There are no words to make this better. I think your other children will be what gets you through. But right now, don’t focus on how you will get through it; just be in the present with your girl ❤️

buymeaboaanddrivemetoreno · Yesterday 20:17

I’m so sorry to hear what a sad time you’re going through. Sending you my love. I hope your wee girl pulls through