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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

nightmare with au pair and she has been here less than a week

86 replies

Fried · 26/08/2014 21:45

Please help me I just don't know what to do.

Au pair arrived on Wednesday evening. I collected her from the airport all fine. Let her rest on Thursday and Friday and paid her for the rest days. At the weekend I showed her around area and took her to Oxford Street and the Notting Hill carnival as she wanted to go.

She was meant to work today at 8 - 9 am but stayed in bed until 1 pm. She has not lifted a finger in 6 days. Tomorrow is her day off so she won't work then. We only see her when dinner is ready. She does not even put her plate in the dishwasher.

To be honest I just want her to leave. My children are fed up as we are wasting £100 per week on someone that does nothing and we can't really afford it.

Any ideas? I have asked her to get up. I sent her a detailed timetable before she accepted the job but now she is here she does nothing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hollie84 · 26/08/2014 21:47

Did she definitely know she was meant to work today? Did you not knock on her door when she wasn't up by 8? What did she say to you?

Laquila · 26/08/2014 21:48

Did you get her through an agency and can you ask them for advice? Have you paid her yet?

Original poster

Fried · 26/08/2014 21:51

I was too busy to deal with it as we had to buy school uniforms. I gave her the benefit of the doubt hoping she would have done the dishwasher when we got back.

I told her last night that I needed her up at 8 am. Her English is excellent. I have a deadline on Monday so my daughter and my older son cooked dinner tonight even though au pair was meant to do it. My daughter asked her to get plates but she did not want to do that. Just wants to eat and go back to her room.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fried · 26/08/2014 21:53

No agency. Au pair world. I paid her for Thursday and Friday on Saturday (even though she did no work) and bought her a travel card for the week.

OP posts:

Messygirl · 26/08/2014 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollie84 · 26/08/2014 21:54

This is very weird. I think you should ask her directly what's going on - maybe she's ill?

Original poster

Fried · 26/08/2014 21:55

She is 26 and I really did spell every thing out before I offered her the job.

I just want her to leave now as I can't cope with a fourth child.

OP posts:

Vitalstatistix · 26/08/2014 21:55

tbh, I'd be asking her what the hell she thought she was playing at.

I think you may need to suggest that she leaves, if she isn't willing to do what she's with you to do. You want to do that, so what is stopping you?

Can I ask why you didn't knock on her door until she got up and told her that she needed to be doing her job?

Sounds like she thinks she's on holiday.

Original poster

Fried · 26/08/2014 21:58

She is not ill just relaxes and eating a lot. I don't want her to explain as she is lazy and I just want her to leave. I made it all very clear. No one gets £100 a week and a holiday in London.

OP posts:

Vitalstatistix · 26/08/2014 22:00

So tell her to shape up or ship out (probably in a more tactful way ). It's not unreasonable to do that. I am not surprised you are cross. I'd be spitting feathers.

Floralnomad · 26/08/2014 22:00

If you don't want to speak to her to find out what her problem is then just tell her its not working out and that she needs to leave - how much notice do you need to give her ?

Laquila · 26/08/2014 22:03

I would tell her that she either needs to be downstairs and ready to work by 8am tomorrow, or you'll drive her straight back to the airport and she can use her wages for a flight home.

Original poster

Fried · 26/08/2014 22:04

I just can't face it at the moment as my ex husband will cause a huge problem over this. I hate atmospheres in the house and having just got rid of ex I don't have the strength to deal with it.

OP posts:

Karoleann · 26/08/2014 22:06

Au pairs are not trained childcarers or housekeepers - they need lots of direction. You need to sit down with them and explain what she needs to do on a daily basis. With mine its taken a good couple of weeks to a month before they can do most things competently.

I suspect that you have been a little bit too friendly, though, it is different with an au pair they are not employees, but you still need to assume the upper hand.

I had a little look at your previous posts (and in a very nice way) think you need to just be a little bit more assertive in your life....you could maybe start with sending this au pair home.

PhoebeMcPeePee · 26/08/2014 22:06

Whilst I'm sure you just want her out, I can't understand your reluctance to at least have it out with her as she's living under your roof & being paid for a job she's not even attempting to do . You need to ask directly why wasn't she up for work on time? Why are the DC cooking dinner when this is part of her clear-cut duties? Basically wtf is going on - I'd give her 24 hours to prove you wrong otherwise tell her she will be out before the weekend.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 26/08/2014 22:07

You just cant face it?

So what, carry on paying her to eat your food and sleep in your bed? Why not do her laundry and take her to the spa as well.

Original poster

Fried · 26/08/2014 22:07

I don't know how much notice you are meant to give in these situations. My Ex will go mad when he sees what a mess I have made of this.

OP posts:

hollie84 · 26/08/2014 22:08

If you're not prepared to even talk to her I'm not sure you are in the best place to have a live-in employee

Vitalstatistix · 26/08/2014 22:09

Then you will have someone in your house, taking the piss and winding you up and you'll get madder and madder that you are paying someone £100 a week to have a nice holiday and make more work for you.

That's not what you want.

Is there anyone who can help you to tell her what you need to tell her? Or would you feel more comfortable giving her a note? It's not ideal, but it's better than bending over and taking it up the arse.

I understand that more conflict is probably the last thing you want, but the situation is what it is and it's probably not going to resolve itself. You're going to feel shitty about yourself if you don't deal with it. Is there anything at all that you think might help you to deal with her?

alcohol, spade and a hole in the back garden..

Viviennemary · 26/08/2014 22:09

I'd ask her if she was ill. And does she realise what her hours are. TBH you'd be better just calling it a day. Sounds like she is going to be very hard work indeed. If you don't want to discuss it with her which is quite understandable then just say this isn't working is it. And tell her to make arrangements to move out sharpish. Don't let it carry on however much you feel like not facing it.

Vitalstatistix · 26/08/2014 22:09

Your ex's opinion is meaningless.

He is your ex

How he feels is not relevant.

PhoebeMcPeePee · 26/08/2014 22:10

But if she's in your home you can't just chuck her & her belongings out without at least speaking to her first. Get it over with - go upstairs now, knock on the door & ask her downstairs for a chat. Give her the 8am tomorrow deadline ready & willing to work or you'll be dropping her at the airport by midday. The thought of it will invariably be worse than the conversation itself & you can't ignore it/her & hopes she disappears

Floralnomad · 26/08/2014 22:11

What's it got to do with your ex - unless he is paying? Without sounding horrible you really need to just deal with this - either find out what her problem is and get her working or get rid of her .

PhoebeMcPeePee · 26/08/2014 22:12

Assuming your ex no longer lives with you, then this has fuck all to do with him.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 26/08/2014 22:12

OP - Im sorry to be blunt but you need to "man up".

Go to her now and ask her outright "Do you actually want this job?"

Point out that because she hasn't worked so far you are expecting her to forfeit her day off and start to pull her weight. Ask her to set an alarm for 8am tomorrow and meet you in the kitchen to receive a list of chores.

If she's not in the kitchen by 8.15am she must leave immediately as she is not fulfilling her part of your contract.

I'm sorry but she's walking all over you.

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