nightmare with au pair and she has been here less than a week

[Fried]

Please help me I just don't know what to do.

Au pair arrived on Wednesday evening. I collected her from the airport all fine. Let her rest on Thursday and Friday and paid her for the rest days. At the weekend I showed her around area and took her to Oxford Street and the Notting Hill carnival as she wanted to go.

She was meant to work today at 8 - 9 am but stayed in bed until 1 pm. She has not lifted a finger in 6 days. Tomorrow is her day off so she won't work then. We only see her when dinner is ready. She does not even put her plate in the dishwasher.

To be honest I just want her to leave. My children are fed up as we are wasting £100 per week on someone that does nothing and we can't really afford it.

Any ideas? I have asked her to get up. I sent her a detailed timetable before she accepted the job but now she is here she does nothing.

Hi Fried, I feel for you. I also ended up with a series of Au pairs after my husband left me. some were great, others not so good. Now my DC are teenagers, I have a housekeeper who does enough hours a week to cover my housework, ironing etc and picks the DC up from school if I am away with work. She costs about the same as your AP and doesn't live with us.

I think you need to just grit your teeth and get rid of the au pair asap, it wont get any better.

As regards your ex, remind yourself that you don't have to answer to him on anything. Would recommend you read 'Leaving him behind - how to cut the cord after the marriage ends'. It really helped me establish some space between me and my ex and move on.

Your DC sound lovely

I can't get over the fact that she's in your home and you emailed her rather than talk to her...

You poor love.

Look the gist of the advice you're getting is bang on (although probably a bit more shouty than you need at the moment). I totally get that you need this like a hole in the head. But it has to be dealt with so you will need to have the shape up or ship out conversation with her. And sod the scheduled day off. Say since she did no work yesterday, you've swapped it for yesterday and you expect to see a decent standard of work today. If she leaves, well - that's unfortunate. But just say to your ex it's bad luck and if he starts with the "it's all your fault" malarkey, tell him you're not responsible for other people's bad behaviour.

I can't see any need for an au pair for a 15 and 16 year old. I second getting a cleaner and would suggest a rota for everyone in the house to pitch in with cooking.

Don't wait for her to 'appear' today ,wake her up now - she is really treating you like a mug . Where is she from?

I'm not a confrontational type, I would hate for something like this to happen to me. I know what I should do but I'd find it so difficult. Good luck, OP.

IM sorry but you are allowing her to treat you like a mug.

also, i really don't understand why you need an au pair for a 15 and 16 year old!?!?! My mum was a student nurse when i was 15 and my brother was 13, we were fine when she was doing anti social shifts/studying. We all pitched in to clean and cook and didn't need any childcare!

Oh dear, you sound very fragile and down. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. Not. Not in any way. It sounds as if you have a perfect storm caused by a lazy au pair plus your reluctance to confront her. We've had one au pair, and I'd thought she would have a few days settling in, but she started busying herself around, clearing up, washing up, almost as soon as she arrived. I think it does sound like an au pair - or even a student lodger - could be a good solution for you. So don't despair! The right person is out there.

Wake her up now and say what you have to say. You do not have to respect her day off - she took that yesterday. Never again let someone else make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. I know how hard it is but you need to deal with this head on if only to set an example to your DC.

And if it was me I'd be flinging the dirty plate at her and telling her to deal with it.

And tonight, once she has gone, have a .

Wake her up now and say what you have to say. You do not have to respect her day off - she took that yesterday. Never again let someone else make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. I know how hard it is but you need to deal with this head on if only to set an example to your DC.

And if it was me I'd be flinging the dirty plate at her and telling her to deal with it.

And tonight, once she has gone, have a .

She appeared today at 9 am as she is off out - her scheduled day off. She said she was sorry for yesterday but there was some sort of emergency at home. I have told her that from tomorrow she must keep to her timetable 100% or she will have to leave immediately. I said that from tomorrow at 7 am I expect her to do all the tasks she is paid to do and that I will not be doing anything as I am now working from home.

I can't prove it but I think my very forthright daughter has said something as she seemed to already know the score...

Unfortunately I do need an au pair at the moment as occasionally I have to be away overnight. She knows this but if I have to I will just have to pay for an overnight babysitter.

Well done OP - You've tackled the issue. Now you need to keep on top of matters and follow through with your ultimatum of work or leave.

I strongly suggest that you reinforce your conversation with an Email to the AP confirming what has been said and the consequence of her breaking her contract (again).

Written records are always helpful if things turn into a full blown dispute involving who said what.

Given your 15 year old kicks off about going to get uniform that he needs, you probably do need an adult in the house. He doesn't sound mature enough to be left alone with his sister. But you need an adult.

I would get rid of little-miss-useless and find myself a 'house keeper/cleaner' who is happy to do the hours you need when it suits you, with the odd overnight. You will get the house cleaned properly, supervision when the kids need it and harmony.

Au Pairs are not for the faint of heart. They really aren't.

I don't know what you have been through with your ex, but it sounds awful and like he's completely eroded your self confidence. You need it back, you are a parent to three children - two teens still at home. You need to be in control. Do whatever you can to rebuild your strength and confidence - ok :)

By the way, your children should not be 'telling' the Au Pair anything. You have brought her into your home because you cannot trust your 15 & 16 year olds to be home on their own - how can you expect her to work in an environment where she has 3 bosses, two of them children??

I don't know if my daughter said anything it is just so strange that she came down to apologise. The boys would not say anything ever.

With au pairs age is really not an indicator of maturity. My daughter could run a household nowas she is so organised and hard working.

Could it be that your au pair doesn't see the need for her being there? Your dc are of an age where they can look, after their own needs and should be doing so. I agree with the poster who said you probably need a cleaner or housekeeper type person instead.

Do you really need overnight care? Isn't your 19 year old able to supervise overnight?

Lj8893 - if you had read the OP's posts you would have known the answer to that one :)

Just two children involved aged 15 and 16. 19 year old is home from university so is around for a few weeks

I had read the ops post but must apologise as i missed that one.

although her 16 year old sounds perfectly mature enough to be left overnight on occasion with the 15 year old.

Ask her to leave! Life is difficult enough without a freeloader on board. Quite honestly I think Au Pairs are more trouble than they are worth, can't bear the thought to be honest.

No doubt someone will come on to prove me wrong

This woman is taking the piss. If she had a family emergency yesterday then (a) she should have discussed it with you rather than staying in bed all morning and (b) offered to make up the hours today. Plus that hardly excuses her inability to locate the dishwasher.

So she still got her day off today? She is taking the piss - it seems that she knows she is the one in control in this relationship. Has she done any work at all for you since she arrived?

aww OP I so feel for you. I am on the verge if splitting (ha!) and I know I would need an au pair- what a fucking nightmare

she either shapes up , or you boot her out. Give her a (small) chance and if you think damage is done, fire her

bless you

IT WILL GET EASIER

But OP if she feels so bad about yesterday, shouldn't she then be proactive about working today? instead of taking the day off? she's 'aving you on.