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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Missing out on a natural birth

80 replies

LittlePink · 18/01/2015 18:21

Do you feel like you missed out not having a vaginal delivery if you had a section?

I had an emcs with dd and really wanted a Vbac with ds but this wasn't to be and I ended up with another section 4 days ago.

I'm not sure how I feel about it having planned a Vbac the whole way. I'm totally besotted with my little boy and I guess it doesn't really matter how he came out. We were both safe that's the main thing but as we're not going to have any more babies in the future (we only want 2 kids) I don't know if I feel like I've missed out labouring him and giving birth naturally to him.

OP posts:

MuffinMcLay23 · 18/01/2015 18:34

TBH I think if you have two healthy children and no major complications yourself from your deliveries then you should just focus on how lucky you are.
Obviously we would all rather have a straightforward vaginal delivery with no complications but there are so many people out there with terrible birth injuries to themselves or their children that although I am also going to "miss out" on childbirth - soon to have ELCS after an EMCS for DC1, it doesn't occur to me to feel too sorry for myself about that. I would concentrate on what you have got, not on what you haven't had!

MinceSpy · 18/01/2015 18:38

I had two emcs and yes to some degree I did feel like I had missed out and even failed as a mother. All I wanted was my babies delivered safely and that is exactly what I got but sometimes I did feel short changed. Watching my DSis and SILS cope with stitches etc down below helped my realise that a vaginal delivery wasn't a walk in the park either, which really helped. Silly but I'd got into my head that they would have any easier time of it.

meglet · 18/01/2015 18:39

no. I didn't at the time tbh (EMCS and a planned cs) and after reading birth injury threads on mn I know I got away lightly.

TheGrinchWearsStripes · 18/01/2015 18:50

I had an emcs with my first, and was pretty devastated for some time - also because it was so early (31 weeks). It mattered all the way to my BFP for the second, at which point I realised that I absolutely didn't care any more, and the only important thing was a healthy, live baby at the end.

Thurlow · 18/01/2015 18:58

No. I can sort of understand why a lot of women would prefer a vaginal birth, but personally I have absolutely no desire to push a baby out of there. I'd really rather not have a contraction again either!

But then I never really imagined having a vaginal birth. Obviously there's not an enormous amount you can do for a first birth - I wasn't terrified or anything - but even when I was in labour I still couldn't imagine it actually progressing to me pushing. When they said I needed an emcs, part of me was thinking "well of course, there was no way I was ever actually going to have to go through with a vaginal birth"

kiwiscantfly · 18/01/2015 19:02

I've had two ELCS's (1st baby was breech and I chose a section for the second) and I don't feel like I was short changed or missed out. I had an amazing experience the first time (so I chose not to vbac the second) which I suspect would have been different if it was an EMCS. On the plus side I can jump on the trampoline without fear of leakage! Enjoy your squishy bubba!

Strictlyison · 18/01/2015 19:02

Same as Thurlow. Even though I was ready and prepared for a vaginal birth, I couldn't picture it in my head and when it was proposed that I'd have a c section I was so relieved. I certainly don't feel that I have missed out; but I do feel that I was very (unfortunate? Unlucky?) to not have straight forward pregnancies and births.

Thurlow · 18/01/2015 19:05

Oh, glad to meet someone else who thinks the same - sometimes I feel like I'm rather weird for not really willing to do it even the first time

perfectlybroken · 18/01/2015 19:08

I could have written your post op. I know I should be grateful for 2healthy babies but I often feel sadness and regret about c-sections. I'm hoping for more children and might have another go at a natural birth.

Iwonderif · 18/01/2015 19:23

I know what you mean & it's hard to have these thoughts as of course you love your son dearly but there is a desire and you've been left wondering.

I've had 3 sections. #1 ecs #2&3 elective. I'm still left wondering (very slightly) but I look at my DD and DS and know that it was just safer as my first baby passed away shortly after birth and I was pregnant 3 months later. Psychologically I had a terrible fear of going into labour and seeing my waters break so for my sanity I knew a section was the way forward.

It's ok to have these thoughts for some of us though for safety to mom & baby it just has to be a section. In time these thoughts and disappointment did ease. I'm sure it will for you too. Xx

Ragwort · 18/01/2015 19:32

No, no, no. I am with Thurlow.

I would have hated a VB - I asked for an ELCS ......... was refused and ended up with an EMCS - which no doubt cost the NHS thousands more.

I genuinely cannot understand why anyone would chose a VB - have you not read some of the threads on here about all the problems that can be caused , I am so, so grateful I had a CS ............. and I never wanted another baby - however it came out of me .

WhatABaklava · 18/01/2015 19:42

Another fan of the c-section here

I did a serupticious fist pump when they lovely midwife told me, very cautiously, that DC1 was likely to be a c-section. ELCS for DC2 - which was perfect.

Don't know how I can possibly feel like I have missed out given I had two healthy children with absolutely minimal complications.

I think you should focus on the result, rather than how you got there - I think the whole "natural birth experience" is massively over-hyped.

Congrats on your lovely, squidgy, newborn!

RabbitSaysWoof · 18/01/2015 19:47

I'm fine with my EMCS, didn't feel disappointed at all. It may just be among my friends but it does seem like women love to tell the story of their VB's more where they are the hero in agony and everyone in the room tells them how well they're doing. I still don't feel I missed out I never fantasized about it before the birth either tho I'm just glad it all went safely.

rallytog1 · 18/01/2015 19:51

I'm also with Thurlow - I can still remember the feeling of relief when the doctor told me I needed an emcs. I hated labour. People say things like "it's good pain" but for me it was horrible and frightening and I found nothing positive in it whatsoever.

I did have some pretty severe injuries from the emcs (please don't think you're immune to birth injuries with a cs!) which mean I won't be allowed to give birth naturally with any future dcs, and despite a somewhat negative experience first time round, I am just so glad I will never have to go through labour again. I definitely don't feel like I'll be missing out.

bonzo77 · 18/01/2015 19:53

I was quite apprehensive about giving birth. My first was an emcs after a failed induction. I'm sure part of the reason the induction failed, apart from me being totally not ready physically, was I really didn't want it to happen. My second was a semi- elective cs, and I was totally delight. Physically I've come through totally unscathed. I'm now pg with dc3 and very happy that a vbac is totally off the cards. I don't think I've missed out on anything. Giving birth is just a few hours / days in the long haul of parenting. Significant and important, but not the defining part.

WhamBamSpam · 18/01/2015 20:05

Yes LittlePink, I do feel like I missed out and I feel very sad about it. I have had 3 emcs and I really grieve that I will never experience the high of a natural birth. I planned home births for the 2nd and 3rd in the hope of having a vbac but ended up with emcs again.

I laboured, fully dilated and pushed on al three so I had all the hard work of labour and all the disadvantages of a section. My midwife said that one of the rewards (chemically, emotionally, physically) of the tough labour is the high of giving birth - it's a natural hormonal / chemical end to the labour process. But I never got that natural "end". I found it very tough at the time. It has faded a lot in the years since but Im still sad that I will never know what it's like to push a baby out of me.

smogsville · 18/01/2015 20:25

Not one jot. I don't believe in so called natural childbirth I think it's ridiculous and uncivilised. Had one section for DD and another one booked for April.

MissBeehiving · 18/01/2015 20:27

I had a vaginal birth the first time and an elcs second time. The elcs was by far the best experience, I really loved it in comparison with a vb so I wouldn't say that you have missed out.

anothernumberone · 18/01/2015 20:31

I was never disappointed I had a section but I did want a VBAC only so I didn't have to spend 5 nights post natal not being looked after in a maternity hospital like the first time around, but that is another story. I did a lot of prep for the VBAC including hypnobirthing CDs which had a section on focusing on getting over your section. I kind of felt that section of the CDs was totally wasted on me, I needed a section, I had a section there just was no reason in my head for regret. I am a really pragmatic person though so while I had no issue with having a section I can absolutely imagine someone else feeling like they have missed out on a life experience by not having a normal delivery.

I remember a friend mentioning her disappointment to me following her second CS and her telling me she had been told by a midwife and her mother that she should just be grateful that she had a heathy baby. I thought that was unkind, obviously she was eternally grateful for her healthy baby but she was allowed to feel disappointed by the c section. Who were they to be the emotion police?

What I did hate was morons telling me I 'was too posh to push' grrrrrrrrrr. Yes it happened more than once.

AliceInHinterland · 18/01/2015 20:35

I had an unplanned CS and really do feel that I missed out, I think I wanted the experience in a similar way to wanting to run a marathon one day, to rise to the challenge and be able to look back with a sense of achievement. If I had trained for a marathon, broken my ankle on the way there and been told I could have a lift to the end I would be naturally envious of those that completed it, while being glad the option of a lift was available! I am so pleased that my baby and me are safe & healthy but I don't want anyone to tell me that's how I should feel, although there's a lot of that on MN and in RL I don't think it's very helpful.

anothernumberone · 18/01/2015 20:44

I don't want anyone to tell me that's how I should feel, although there's a lot of that on MN and in RL

Precisely Alice, nor should they, it is extremely patronising to tell someone how they should feel.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 18/01/2015 20:51

Thurlow I felt like that through labour... Thought there was no way id give birth vaginally. When I started pushing and the midwife said baby's heart rate was dropping and they'd need to intervene i thought 'a yeah just what I thought, a c-section' and immediately felt relief. Then she said 'we'll try a ventouse delivery', and I realised id still be having contractions and would still be having to push and almost felt cheated out of the EMCS I was expecting! She was born via ventouse and I was really shell shocked for a while that I'd actually given birth vaginally.

WhamBamSpam · 18/01/2015 20:53

Smogsville, what do you mean you don't believe in "so called natural birth" it's a term to describe vaginal birth as that's what nature intended, hence "natural". What's not to believe?

AliceInHinterland · 18/01/2015 20:55

And not very useful, wish that I could switch my emotions on & off! I think reading about people's positive CS experience is fab though, and does give ideas for shifting my perspective on things.

Hassled · 18/01/2015 20:58

You've missed nothing - natural births are hell on earth. I mean I know a CS isn't exactly a walk in the park either, but don't be sucked into this whole natural woman breathing through the pain listening to whale music nonsense. There's sweat and tears and poo and swearing - I don't look back nostalgically on any of my labours. They were awful.

Congratulations on the birth of your DS :)

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