Missing out on a natural birth

[LittlePink]

Do you feel like you missed out not having a vaginal delivery if you had a section?

I had an emcs with dd and really wanted a Vbac with ds but this wasn't to be and I ended up with another section 4 days ago.

I'm not sure how I feel about it having planned a Vbac the whole way. I'm totally besotted with my little boy and I guess it doesn't really matter how he came out. We were both safe that's the main thing but as we're not going to have any more babies in the future (we only want 2 kids) I don't know if I feel like I've missed out labouring him and giving birth naturally to him.

I understand how you feel as I ended up having a EMCS. I was as prepared as I could've been for a VB (mentally and physically) but due to me developing an infection in my amniotic fluid and my son's life being at risk it was not to be. However, a few things help me realise that I did not miss out .... Myself and the hospital staff did everything we possibly could have to have a "normal delivery". I tried my hardest there was nothing I could do (I had been in labour for 36 hours, got to 10cm, tried pushing but we didn't have time on our side). I am also a physio and have worked in womens health so completely appreciate that my perineum is intact. Although 3rd and 4th degree tears are quite rare as womens health physic's we see a fair few and I am grateful all is ok there.
Just grateful for my son and health, I think had I lived in a different time or country it could have been a completely different story.
So as much as I would have loved a VB I have no regrets and that I think that must help me feel that I didn't miss out.

I have read every single post since my op. Its interesting to read the different perspectives.

Throughout the pregnancy I was told I had a really good chance of Vbac, 80% chance so I prepared myself for it being different this time and that I would have the Vbac experience. I did some hypnobirthing and hired the tens machine and imagined labouring him and being able to push him out myself as I wasn't able to with my first due to failure to progress and foetal distress and resulted in emcs after 43 hours of exhausting labour at 42 weeks but I really hoped it would be different this time.

I have a few complications and the consultant had said she didn't want me to go past 10 days overdue and it would be an elcs if that happened and that she didn't want me to be induced. Of course I went 10 days overdue! So it was a section as planned but I just really wanted to not go over this time (as dd was 2 wks late) I was in a lot of discomfort towards the end of this pregnancy and 10 days over was enough for me anyway so I agreed to the elcs.

I guess what I've got from this thread is it doesn't really matter how they come out and that the most important thing is we're both safe and healthy. I knew that anyway before I started the thread but there will always be a niggle that my body didn't do it how I wanted it to. Thanks to all those who have empathised with that.

I think you have to remember the idea of the rosey birth is not a reality sadly, I have met too many women shocked and horrified by labour.
They are sold idea baby will come out with light pressure - and candles and feel good hormones.

They end up butchered, damaged, emotionally, mentally etc.

I think there needs to be honesty, its like going into battle. It really is and I know nearly all my friends would have died in this battle were it not for modern medicine.

I have a so called perfect birth, as described by MW with glowing terms, and this technically brilliant birth - which my animal body did brilliantly, like it does wee/poo and other involuntary actions like being sick.

Birth is an involuntary action, I didnt push, my body did, I was a mental by stander as it went into action.

My ELC was far far nicer and brilliant and reflects the civilized society we now live in with medicines to match.

Rather like old techniques for getting kidney stones out, or yanking teeth out with no pain relief etc

I think we need to be honest about the brutality of birth I really do....

sorry and this technically brilliant birth - which my animal body did brilliantly, like it does wee/poo and other involuntary actions like being sick

which I did with massage and all that other crap, left me emotionally shocked and scarred due to the pain. ( baby was back to back too)

Zeebra - Brilliant post, you hit the nail on the head.

Littlepink I don't think I ever quite got over the disappointment of my twins birth (they are 12 now). But I did learn to accept it - the older they get, the more detached you get from the pregnancy/birth aspect. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I didn't really think about his impending birth incase it ended up being a caesarian as I knew it would be my last shot. I feel ridiculous saying it, but it's truly how I felt. Thankfully, it ended up fulfilling the gap on what I felt I had missed with the twins...but now I feel guilty towards them as I would regard the baby's birth the best experience of my life - but not theirs.

I do agree with what other posters have said about drugs and interventions being a safer option in some circumstances - and mothers/babies surviving situations they wouldn't have in the past. But it doesn't always take away the niggles, however many times you hear it.