Maybe the $1,000,000 question but is there any way I can guarantee I'll be able to breast feed this time?

[LadyTophamHatt]

Tried and failed with all 3 ds's.
Really REALLY want to succeed this time.

NCT and LLL feels like a minefield to me and seems to cost £££££, which we just haven't got.
I know thats silly because I'd have to pay for formula but it's just added to the weekly shop and not a lump of cash IYSWIM.

So, is tehre any way I can guarantee it'll work this time??

Have a section and stay in hospital for 5 days with midwives at your beck and call, worked for me . I hadn't the foggiest.

Hotline to Tiktok?

ah, having a homebirth so thats your method out the window...

I think it's an intersting question, i only managed to breastfeed middle childhood and she was really easy to feed..so thought I would be able to for third child but no I couldn't or he couldn't

middle child not childhood

The main thing that stops me is the unbelieveable pain of my milk coming in.

For me, that pain is 1000 times worse than the actualy labour.

plus coupled with flat-ish nips it's bloody hard work getting them attached.

BUT I want to do it this time. Really want to

i wish i had breastfed - with the support that is available... i know now i could have....

really wanting to succeed is good!

i did, then i got ambivalent and din;t try..then my milk came in and i was desperate to feed...midwife hopeless...said after 4 days on the bottle , no way could i get her on the breast! i had almost got her there, but then after those words of wisdom..stopped....(wish i had known then what i know now!!!)

LLL, NCT, ABM & BFN all good....and yes it costs...but my sister saw a lactation consultant...cost the equivalent of around 8 tins of formula...why not start saving a little bit each week?

and who is to say you will need help?????? having a good birth experience. putting baby to the breast soon after birth, lots of skin to skin contact .......

why assume you can;t feed?

just read a really excellent book about breastfeeding by Sheila Kitzinger - she comments how women in industrialised nations question the ability to breastfeed.. where as in other less industrialised cultures..it is taken as read the baby will breast feed....

the book is called, 'breastfeeding your baby' - sets it all out in plain english with good pics to demonstrate how best to feed depending on breast size etc...

Lulu, After 3 failed attempts I'm just feeling quite defeative(sp??) about it already.
I've got a pump and one of those niplette things already so I have "equipment" to help this time.

I just can't imagine it'll work again

Breast feeders are in a exclusive club in my mind...and I WANT TO JOIN!!

i would say that a good midwife is the best asset to sucessful breastfeeding. First time round i had a knightmare of a time initially but my bloody mindedness and a fanstatic midwife was what got me through.

if you're having a home birth does that mean you are getting one to one care now? and will do so after? can you explain to your midwife now your concerns and desire to suceed, so she is in a position to help you all she can after the event.

and i would add with 3 other children someone else to come and help/be around after the birth for a couple of weeks, so you CAN just concentrate on the feeding whilst they help with the other children.

My let down pains were so bad for the first couple of weeks I had to take pain killers
After that they didn't return -- so don't think you will be stuck with them for ever

A good bf counsellor is the key i reckon although friends have recommended bf cafes or clubs are there any in your area?

I was convinced it would go horribly wrong with dd because it did with ds. So much so that I used lanisoh after every feed for first 2 weeks even though it was going well. Not sure if it helped or was just pyshcological iyswim but we're still going strong at 7 weeks [smile

After 3 failed attempts I'm just feeling quite defeative

that is likely to be your biggest problem - you have to believe that you can do it. So you need to find some way to convincing yourself.

And the pain when the milk comes in - is that for each let down or just in the first few days milk coming in ?

Maybe learning some technique to be able to live through it - breathing or whatever - might help and give you a feeling of being in control.

i hope you can do it this time, then you can come and tell all us ffers what it's like up there... you'll be the font of all knowledge, a guru to the masses and an inspiration to all. seriously, can you imagine how brilliant it will feel to crack it this time? I'd access bfing support before you even have the baby - make sure they know you'll expect them to pull out all the stops for you. and have the guinness ready

"Breast feeders are in a exclusive club in my mind...and I WANT TO JOIN!!"

Lady - just a few things of clarification. What you say above just isn't true. I have never ever joined or been a member of some secret nork society and nor do I wish to be associated with one

I have been bf my son (an only child) for the past 2.4 years and never joined a "bf mafia" of any variety !

Bf-eeders are normal women with normal lives (ok, I am a bit mad, but every other bf-er I have ever met has been quite normal !)

My second point is re. NCT and LLL. I don't know much about the NCT bf support, but I can tell you from experience that the LLL costs peanuts - it's about £25 per year BUT you do NOT have to join to get their support. You only join if you have a local group you wish to join and go to meetings. I did it for a whole year when my son was already a toddler. They don't just discuss bf at their meetings. Every week there is a different topic, it could be food, or sleep, or behaviour, etc.

My 3rd point is that bf is all about being happy about the choices you have made and having confidence in your body to feed your child. Almost ALL women can bf (I mean biologically, some do not for other reasons). There are a few medical conditions that may prevent a mother or baby from bf. If you ask any of the experts here they will tell you what these are. They are extremely rare cases though.

In today's Britain where ff has become the acceptable norm, you need to get all the support you can get to help you bf. Bf is a skill (a dying art if you ask me as most of our mothers and sisters, aunts, cousins, etc didn't do it so can't pass on their knowldge to us).

"Practice makes perfect" as they say !

If you can get good support and encourgement, you CAN bf.

Best of luck

kama - just read your story with tears in my eyes ! I LOVE your mother.

I thought NCT breastfeeding counsellors were free - and open to anyone - not just NCT members.

Even if you are having a homebirth your midwife should be able to put you in touch with breastfeeding preparation classes at your local hospital and then you can find out more beforehand, and you will know where to go to get help (apart from online) if things get tricky after the baby is born. And it's all free!

What worked for me:

Having someone to help manhandle me into position - do you have a close friend you would feel comfortable with who could help you? She could also help with your other children as well whilst there (!).

Do not expect there to be pain!!!! I didn't have any pain and I think that was all down to correct latch. It twinged a bit as my poor nipples were not used to so much contact but that went after a few days.

I think there is a breastfeeding helpline or something you could phone, and I got some leaflets in hospital showing positioning. Also, my hospital ran b/feeding workshops whereby before the birth you were shown positioning techniques etc.

And can we have a different word than 'fail' please, it is not an exam. Not mastered?

Good luck, and you do realise MN is the font of all knowledge on this subject?

I'm gonna shout this one out:

IT COSTS NOTHING TO HAVE NCT HELP WITH BREASTFEEEDING!

NOTHING!

ZERO!

ZILCH!

IT IS FREE!

Sorry about that! Where on earth has the idea come from that you have to join something to get bf help? You don't have to join LLL or ABM or BfN to get their help, either.

You can access a local breastfeeding counsellor, or call one of the four breastfeeding helplines and speak to one.

NCT's is 0870 444 8708. It is busy, and you may not get through first time, but you may be able to leave a message, and if you do you will be called back.

Did I tell you it costs nothing ?

Hi LTH. I didn't manage it with my first three either.
All three excruciatingly painful, bleeding nipples etc etc. 1st one also had a secondary pph so my milk didn't come in - dd lost a pound and a half in 10 days and was sent back to hosp for dehydration - "mixed fed" for 2 months (ie an excruciatingly painful breast feed followed by a bottle each feed) then gave up with many tears. Second one latched better but was in paed ward with severe jaundice for 1st 10 days, hooked up to a drip and under lights so (a) he was too sleepy to feed properly (b) wasn't really hungry because on a drip and (c) I had to feed him within 1m of his bed (because of wires) so standing up - not ideal for positioning. Once out, "mixed fed" for another 10 days (again not much milk presumeably because he had been taking so little from me in hosp), then gave up in tears.
Third baby - no pph, no hospital stay, home birth - thought "hurrah will stay in bed for a fortnight and crack feeding". There are threads and threads about it - fed constantly, in excruciating pain each time, he kept dropping weight, didn't poo for 8 days, finally pooing black/dark green, finally gave up at about 10 days because again he clearly was getting nothing out of me, I was in pieces, and it was seriously affecting my ability to bond with him.
Fourth baby - was determined to try. Fed her for 24 hours, and as I was wrestling with nipple (sore and bleeding already) and baby at 2am, in tears, I suddenly thought "WHAT am I doing? I spent the first x weeks of each baby's life in tears and feeling terrible trying to do this, only to "fail" each time - what makes me think I'll manage it this time?" So I bunged her on formula and felt a HUGE weight lift off my shoulders. And then looked interestedly in my boobs as they completely failed to get any milk for the next week (while she was drinking 4oz 8 times a day, the piglet), only to have another secondary pph on day 10 AGAIN. So even if I had persevered, it would have been useless, as my milk wouldn't have come.

There is no moral to this story at all, except to say that there are no guarantees about anything, and although breastfeeding is wonderful and perfect and of course the best possible start... if it doesn't work it just doesn't. I live next door to a dairy farmer and was talking to his wife about this - she said "oh well, if you were a cow we'd just call you a bad milker, take you out the back and shoot you" and in a bizarre way that made me feel much better. We can't all be champion milkers - some cows have higher yields, faster let downs etc than others, and so do some humans. That's life!

Hope that helps, it probably doesn't and if so, sorry!

Thanks for all this ladies.

PPH, I wonder after reading your post if I ahd the same problem(what is secondary pph BTW???...are there 2 of you). With ds1 my boobs leaked when the milk came in but with ds2+3 I barely even had to wear breast pads, there was just nothing there. I threid expressing some with ds3 and managed to fill the very end of an avent teat after sitting there for over an hour pumping away. It wasn't even enough to cover the bottom on the bottle when I tipped it the other way.

TicTok why and where did I get the idea that it would cost £££££ fo have aBF councillor help me. I'll get on to them ASAP.
Hardly see my MW TBH. Baby No4 so I'm right at the bottom of the pile when it comes to needing help/advise in their eyes.

Kama, can I borrow you mum for a week or 2 in January??

Princess - sorry to hear that you had pain when feeding. But there really should be no pain at all if you have a good latch. There should be no bleeing, no cracked nipples, no pain with a good latch. They may be sore for a few days, but that is because your boobs are not used to feeding a baby every few hours. The soreness goes. It helps to put Lansinoh on nipples to keep them moist. It was a godsend to me and I used it on my nipples even before my son was born.

I also have to refute (for the sake of science if nothing else) that some women do NOT produce enough milk or good milk or that they are like cows who do not milk well. This is a terrible myth and conspiracy sold to women worldwide by some seriously nasty people and commercial orgs. which I shall not name. The only people who need "shooting" are the people who are so greedy for money they tell you are not producing enough milk.

ALL women can and do produce sufficient milk for their babies. The trick is you have to DEMAND feed. Schedule feeds, formula, over use of dummies, etc. may interfere with your supply and not recommnended if you intend to establish a good supply and to continue to bf successfully.

Sorry, to rant, but it REALLY REALLY REALLY upsets me that women are told lies about their bodies.

I had no milk to give to my son for the first few days of his life. But I had colostrum (we all do after birth) which is all he needed to survive. Not because I didn't have milk, but because it can take a while for your milk to come in. Plus my son was born 17 days early (I didn't know at the time that this could have effected his ability to latch) and just would not latch. By day 3 or 4 he was latching and sucking away.

Bf needs persistence and confidence in biology, science, hormones, etc that your body will produce milk. If you believe you have no milk because someone has told you so, you will begin to believe it eventually.

The trick is to call people's bluff, say "I CAN AND WILL AND DO" produce milk for my baby every day. Make it your mantra and you will succeed