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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Scornful attitudes to breast and bottlefeeders

103 replies

babyonboard · 10/04/2006 14:18

I know this must have been discussed 1000 times, but, having been to the baby clinic more recently latly I am shocked by what goes on there.
It's always very busy, and a few weeks ago a woman was brestfeeding her baby,another woman and her partner sitting nearby were staring, then she said 'do you have to shove that in our faces' what the hell!?
she was very dignified and explained her baby was hungry and pointed out how many were taking bottles in the same room , but this prompted others to join in and four people were of the consensus she should go to the toilet to do it!?
This is at a baby health clinic..god knows what it's like in other environments..
i personally formula feed my baby and have had the same thing...
feding him in the waitng room the woman next to me was tutting and shaking her head, and after i'd ignored her for a while she came right out and said 'can't you be bothered to brestfeed then'
I always se women bickering or making snide comments..far from what I expected....
i find this kind of discrimintion towards others shocking. so what if they don't use your method of feeding!?grrr

OP posts:

PinkTulips · 10/04/2006 14:24

shocked at the treatment of a woman bf-ing in a baby clinic, would have thought that was one of the few safe places! disgusting to suggest she go to the toilets, would ay of those woman want to eat their tea in a toliet!

sorry you've gotton horrible comments, i personally bf but i never would even dream of saying anything like that to a f-feeder.

sleepycat · 10/04/2006 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

babyonboard · 10/04/2006 14:27

I know..I had hoped to meet people there to be honest, as we often sit there for 2 hours plus waiting, but most of the regulars have made comments tht I'd rather not hear..
It's definitly really surprising..I have seen a woman breastfeding and getting comments just get up, put her baby in the pram, and walk out with him crying..it's so sad..but also so strange!?

OP posts:

PinkTulips · 10/04/2006 14:30

this is one of the main reasons i never fed in public (not withstanding my dd's rather unsociable feeding habits!) didn't have the energy as a new mom to defend myself against people so ignorant and rude, it's not like you could make these people see sense so i chose not to put myself in those situations, cowardly i know.....

FairyMum · 10/04/2006 14:30

I would complain to the clinic!

spursmum · 10/04/2006 14:31

Their comments on feeding in a toilet()reminded me of a Dr Phil show the other day. 2 women were arguing the debate over public Bfing and the 'anti' woman said " But you are not going to wipe your breast all over the toilet seat before you feed are you?"
I don't get the whole "I must publicly question your decision". I chose to bottle feed for various reasons, it's none of anyone elses business and likewise regarding their feeding choices.

ProfYaffle · 10/04/2006 14:31

I'm really, really shocked. I bf dd for just over a year and didn't get a single negative comment, just lots of positive ones.

FairyMum · 10/04/2006 14:32

I don't get why people pay so much attention to babies being fed ?

CarolinaMooncup · 10/04/2006 14:32

How bleeding rude of that woman to assume that about your ffing. What did you say to her?

Am also about people being hounded out for bfing - do you know what the HV at the clinic thinks about the anti-bfing comments? Maybe they can try and encourage a more bf-tolerant atmosphere.

sleepycat · 10/04/2006 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrayedKnot · 10/04/2006 14:33

I've never experienced anything like that - how horrible.

Have you spoken about it to your HV?

JoolsToo · 10/04/2006 14:35

I have to say I NEVER came across bad vibes or saw or heard any negative actions towards breast or bottle feeders.

Maybe we were all a little more chilled in the 70's? On the other hand I was never that interested in what others were doing, my focus was on my own family.

ProfYaffle · 10/04/2006 14:36

It's me

Original poster

babyonboard · 10/04/2006 14:38

Yes I chatted to the h.v about it, she said many womn have commented, and they considered putting up posters to the tune of 'respect others feeding wishes' but they were not allowed by their manager incase it offended anyone!?

I don't know, maybe because it's london on people are just more rude/ don't care , but I know my mum mde some of her bst friends at baby clinic, and yet at this one it's hard to strike up any converstion as the atmosphere and general chit chat is always so derisive

OP posts:

Original poster

babyonboard · 10/04/2006 14:50

i'v lso sen womn have peopl comment that their sling will ruin thir babis back...or the pushchir isn't good for them etc etc
i really don't se why this would be an environmnt whre it sems the norm for open scorn t other mums

OP posts:

CarolinaMooncup · 10/04/2006 14:51

people would get offended if they were told to respect others?? that is bonkers imho.

Agree it is prob a London thing. My baby clinic (in the sticks) was nicer than that but it is in a middle-class commuter village, so everyone's very nice all the time. You v rarely see partners in there either, so maybe there's more of a sisterly feel to it?

Are there any mother and baby groups near you where you'd be able to meet friendlier mums? Does your local NCT branch have a bumps and babies group?

blueshoes · 10/04/2006 14:56

babyonboard, I live in (SE) London and have never got the stick you got. How shocking . I wouldn't know what to say if I found myself in your situation.

FairyMum · 10/04/2006 14:58

My God, where is this place? I must say I never had much problems. I once has someone telling me he didn't think I looked like a breastfeeder. I think it was meant as a compliment...Poor sod....
Honestly, if you can ignore these comments it really is better. Imagine being the kind of person who pass comments like this to others. You have to feel sorry for them really.

Original poster

babyonboard · 10/04/2006 15:03

blueshoes i live in se london too

i do know mums outside the clinic but expected more from it tbh

OP posts:

bl0ndie · 10/04/2006 15:10

babyonboard, I was also quite surprised just how strongly some people feel about breastfeeding/bottlefeeding. I have to say that the woman's partner shouldn't have gone to the baby clinic if he is so easily offended by breastfeeding, I mean who's more important - a hungry baby or some touchy bloke?
Also shocked that someone should be so judgemental about you bottlefeeding your baby - its none of her business ffs! We have to develop a v. thick skin as mums, don't we?

pooka · 10/04/2006 15:18

I'm also in se london. And have always fed by children at the clinic. And never got any negative comments and lots of admiration from the hvs.
How absolutely ridiculous to imagine that you have the right to make comments about other people's choices. OK... you don't like breast/bottle feeding. Fine. THink it but don't make rude comments.

Pinotmum · 10/04/2006 15:20

When I b/fed my dd (2000/2001) I was probably in the minority in my area. I never got any negative f/back luckily as I was a reluctant public feeder. If I mentioned I had b/fed many mums seemed to feel they needed to justify why they hadn't. I am a lazy bag by nature and found b/feeding easier/quicker that's all and when I'd admit this they would laugh. Why should anyone feel they have to justify their choice fgs . By the time I had ds in 2002/2003 b/feeding was more popular in this area. I'm in E.London/Essex.

sweetkitty · 10/04/2006 16:07

I BF DD1 for a year and and am BFing DD2 whos 10 weeks, I've never had a negative comment only from my 27 year old brother who doesn't want to see his sisters tits as he puts it, bearing in mind he usually doesn't notice the baby being fed. Like pinotmum I usually get positive comments or every mother justifying why they didn't breastfeed, like I care it's their choice, I'm also really lazy and given the choice between getting up to get a bottle in the night or shove boob in babies gob and fall asleep I know what I would chose. I'm always waiting for a comment, these people that are uncomfortable with mothers BFing in public why do they have to look then? FFS look away!!

Caligula · 10/04/2006 16:31

Funny that they don't want to put up a sign asking people to respect other's feeding preferences in case it offends anyone.

They have no hesitation at all in putting up signs which are very offensive, along the lines of "if you beat up our staff we'll prosecute you". It doesn't occur to most people to rush around beating up staff, and I'm always offended when a notice addresses me as if I'm one of the savages who do. But they don't mind offending me in that case, they'd tell me the safety of their staff is more important than my offence. So what's different here?

moondog · 10/04/2006 16:34

Fucking barking,the whole thing and both comments.

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