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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Scornful attitudes to breast and bottlefeeders

103 replies

babyonboard · 10/04/2006 14:18

I know this must have been discussed 1000 times, but, having been to the baby clinic more recently latly I am shocked by what goes on there.
It's always very busy, and a few weeks ago a woman was brestfeeding her baby,another woman and her partner sitting nearby were staring, then she said 'do you have to shove that in our faces' what the hell!?
she was very dignified and explained her baby was hungry and pointed out how many were taking bottles in the same room , but this prompted others to join in and four people were of the consensus she should go to the toilet to do it!?
This is at a baby health clinic..god knows what it's like in other environments..
i personally formula feed my baby and have had the same thing...
feding him in the waitng room the woman next to me was tutting and shaking her head, and after i'd ignored her for a while she came right out and said 'can't you be bothered to brestfeed then'
I always se women bickering or making snide comments..far from what I expected....
i find this kind of discrimintion towards others shocking. so what if they don't use your method of feeding!?grrr

OP posts:

mesenfantsmaman · 10/04/2006 19:02

See my friend has kids she has exactly the same pov as yours, she does lots of loony parenting stuff and I just bite my tongue, unless it is dangerous like giving her kids adult antiobiotics then I have to say something. I do like her but sometimes I think she is the craziest person I have evr met, hence the fact I don't argue with her, it would be pointless

chipmonkey · 10/04/2006 19:21

Jools, I don't think its acceptable to comment when you do know the facts either, but when you don't know the facts just seems worse to say someone "couldn't be bothered" when maybe they were very bothered! A girl came into our practice the other day who was suffering a bit from dry eye symptoms. I knew she had just had a baby so asked her if she was bf ( just in case it was simply that she needed to drink more water!) and she looked visibly upset and said that she had been exclusivey expressing for 8 weeks because the baby wouldn't latch on. I told her that I thought she was fantastic for expressing but could tell that she was really disappointed that bf hadn't worked out. If anyone, on seeing her feed her baby with a bottle, had suggested to her that she couldn't be bothered, I'd imagine she'd have burst into tears. Whereas if someone said that to GDG, she'd probably just tell them where to get off!

koolkat · 10/04/2006 19:46

That is why I have always admired cultures where the women walk around topless or pratically naked - fantastic - baby or toddler always has access to boobs - they don't even have to ask - just latch !

Of course, the men in these cultures also wear very little, which I find rather more...ehem..."please cover those bits" !!

koolkat · 10/04/2006 19:52

mesen - I saw a 20 month old drinking drops out of a bottle of moisterising liquid yesterday - the mother didn't bother taking it off her - just said "oh, where did you get that ?" and let her continue. I would not have dared say anything, she was covered in tatoos (the mother I mean !! - not that I have anything against tatoos - I was more worried about the father turning up and sorting me out - he looked a bit rough!)

HayleyOliversMum · 10/04/2006 19:56

so come on then - what are all the fantastic put downs that everyone manages to think up after some outspoken wretch knocks them for bfeeding in public. Give me some good ones so that I can go out armed! :)

monkeytrousers · 10/04/2006 19:59

Oh, I'm going to be a deliberately provocative breast feeder with my next one - woe betide anyone who decides to make a negative comment about it. I'll look up, smile sweetly and then poke them in the eye!

Gillian76 · 10/04/2006 20:03

Now I know why I never bothered with the baby clinic - for any of them.

Bonkers - both comments. Mind your own business, can't you???

Angeliz · 10/04/2006 20:09

I bottlefed all of mine but was with 2 Mums alot who breastfed theirs.
I can honestly say, i never saw their bobs and don't know why people would complain. Surely it's the most natural thing in the world.

Bleedin' miserable gits!

People love to moan about someting.

People came straight out and asked me was i bottle feeding a few times. No-one made any comment but i have that look of 'yes' followed silently by 'do you have a problem with that?' and they leave me be

Angeliz · 10/04/2006 20:09

boobs even!

bitsamaloney · 10/04/2006 20:16

i'm going to have some business cards printed up that say "thank you for sharing your opinion with me, i'll take it into consideration" on one side and "now f-off" on the other.

harpsichordcarrier · 10/04/2006 20:19

lol

Angeliz · 10/04/2006 20:21

Fab idea!

JoolsToo · 10/04/2006 20:31

chipmonkey - not sure what you're saying to me there! I absolutely agree that the comments in the OP are outrageous!

Peachy made the comment that people shouldn't say anything when they are not in full possession of the facts I responded by saying I wouldn't comment at all and personally don't think anyone should. Anyone who has a negative comment to make to a complete stranger has the bigger problem imho.

I'm not quite sure what GDG has to do with anything (she's not posted on this thread) and in any case she's not made of stone! She can be just a vulnerable as the next person, especially, like a lot of women, following the birth of a baby and I'm quite sure she wouldn't say any such thing in those circumstances (a year down the line she might wish she had though!)

chipmonkey · 10/04/2006 21:00

Sorry, Jools, thought you were responding to something I'd said! As for GDG I admire the way she can stick up for herself her on the bf/ff threads though I can appreciate RL is different!
What you say about the 70's is interesting, that people just got on with feeding without comment. I wonder whether people just have worse manners now in general? When I was little, I was taught that its rude to make personal remarks of any kind and we were hushed rather smartly if we did. Whereas I do find myself a bit shocked when children say quite rude things to adults and their parents just smile indulgently. Listen to me, I'll soon be starting every sentence with "In my day......!"

JoolsToo · 10/04/2006 21:15

chipmonkey

and completely agree with what you say!

milward · 10/04/2006 21:21

Would have completly ignored those people & continued to bf as is any mums right to choose how to feed their child. Bring it on....

milward · 10/04/2006 21:24

Also - sorry you had comments on formula feeding - some people have no respect - hope you continued to ignore her nasty comments.

Purple77 · 11/04/2006 19:47

Hi. New to mumsnet but just wanted to say how much better I feel after reading this thread. Haven't had any out and out negative comments but lots of raised eyebrows and "oh so you bottle feed your child" comments. Got to the point of being embarressed to feed in public and even more annoying as my husband gets really positive comments or looks if he's feeding her.

chipmonkey · 11/04/2006 21:56

Purple77, isn't your dh great for his age! Able to hold a bottle and a baby at the same time?

moondog · 11/04/2006 23:14

lol chip

ShaysMummy · 11/04/2006 23:26

if someone said something to me about ffeeding my son they would never comment to anyone again.
i would rip into them so hard they wouldnt dare.
i couldnt feed him- he was too poorly and i feel responsible for that so its a raw nerve with me!!
i shouldnt feel responsible though but you cant help it.
it seems nowadays if you can bf and do so in public you get nicked for indecent exposure anyway.
you cant win.

MamaMaiasaura · 11/04/2006 23:32

lol @ mt comment. I remember many embarrassing moments bf esp when ds pulled off when milk let down.. next time any scronful looks and i'll squirt 'em - that will get rid of sticky eye .

I think those who make comments do so because they harbour resent over their own view of their personal failings and perhaps wish they had done things differently. It only seeed to be women that i would get the 'look' from too. I wonder if it was more jealously as in - happy family unit versus miserable old bag who has no friends/life.

Purple77 · 12/04/2006 10:19

Def element of jealousy but really people need to get a life - why is it such a fascination and why does having a baby suddenly give random people the right to comment on everything you do. Feel better from all your comments though so will stop worrying. Started this morning by not feeling bad when nurse made a comment while dd was having her jabs - very liberating, thank you mumsnet!!

tiktok · 12/04/2006 10:24

what did the nurse say, purple?

oliveoil · 12/04/2006 10:25

I visited my friend the other day who has a 5 week old son and me and dh were peering through the window and saw her sat on the sofa feeding.

Dh being a normal man with a brain however realised that he wouldn't go blind and she wasn't giving him the come on so we went in and made a cup of tea and had a chat.

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