Online dating as a Black woman...

[babynumber2pending]

Right. Reactivated my online dating account as I was bored and thought it might be nice to have conversations with some new guys and see where it goes.

Anyway, I get talking to this white French guy. All seems to be going well. He asked me what type of guy I go for and I said that I dont really mind about ethnicity...but! If im going to date someone who isn't Black I want to be reassured they aren't racist or that Black women aren't a fetish to them.

He then claims that he has never heard of the fetishisation of Black people. I said okay well its definitely a thing but we can move on.

5 or so minutes later he then says...would you be my slave in the bedroom? To which I just responded with the shocked emoji because I genuinely was. He then said he obviously isn't being serious he just wanted to be funny. I just told him that its not funny to say things like that, let's just move on. Anyways the conversation moved on to something else, then he said he had something serious to ask me...lo and behold! He asked the exact same thing again. This time I just replied saying no and I'm uncomfortable and that this isn't funny.

I guess I'm really shocked that he found that funny. Totally put me off online dating altogether.

Has something similar ever happened to anyone else?

I'm sorry OP. I've not come across this personally myself but have heard horror stories like this from friends. I would block him and consider reporting him.

It's not funny or a joking matter so anyone who thinks it is - obviously is not worth any more of you attention.

I think your approach is great - gets it out in the open early and some idiots like this guy will expose themselves within minutes. At the very least you would find someone who is aware of issues like that or at least willing to actually listen and learn.

Honestly - I hate online dating for this reason. I've never been called a slave, but I hate any reference to tasting like chocolate (I am not a food stuff) or "I like a bit of junk in the trunk" eurghhhhhhh
The minute there is any reference to my skin tone or body shape.... I am OUT

Oh wait... lots of "are you a dom or sub" nonsense too

Sorry that happened to you

I've heard of it happening but I've not directly experienced it quite like that.
I have big curly hair quite like Jessica on I'm A Celebrity, and i had a guy message me on OLD (perfectly normal guy) and chat quickly turned to him having a fetish for curly hair 🙄 I didn't even realise it was a thing. I just shut it down there so I have no idea if it was a race thing or a weirdo thing.
All the other white guys I've chatted with or dated on OLD have been gents though, so keep going.

Yes, it's happened to me many many times. The message always begin with 'Hello Miss'. I now know to block them immediately.

I've honestly had hundreds of messages from men asking if they can be my slave (I've been on and off dating sites for yrs). I know exactly how it makes me feel but can't put it into words. I don't know that I have the words to describe the depth of feeling.

The other thing I hear a lot is 'I've never slept with a black woman'. It's so tiring.

The other thing I hear a lot is 'I've never slept with a black woman'. It's so tiring.

^^ this

This is actually shocking......i'm a black woman and i only date white men and i've never been asked to be someone's slave .....you must be on a sleazy site. Try Bumble

Thank you. I've tried bumble, pof, tinder and many other sites. It's happened on bumble too.

I'm surprised amd so sorry this has happened to you. You really do need a thick skin when it comes to dating, judge by actions and not what they say.

It was Hinge....I don't consider it to be a sleazy site to be honest. I have had conversations that didnt go this way.

If anything, I'm gutted that I didn't block him straight away. I think I was just shocked, thinking there is no way he is saying that after what I just said.

He is blocked.

Good riddance OP onwards and upwards

What an idiot 🙄. Block him OP! When I was OLD I’ve had the “chocolate “ messages, referencing my anatomy and one who offered his house for me to clean😂.

@Giningit how strange? I get that but in the other way. So not me being a slave but they like the nice lifestyle i.e. trips to the Caribbean etc

@TellitToTheStars

This is actually shocking......i'm a black woman and i only date white men and i've never been asked to be someone's slave .....you must be on a sleazy site. Try Bumble

Why do you only date white men?

It's not a racist thing it's a men thing

Sadly the internet is full of weirdos. The anonymity makes men behave in ways they wouldn't in real life. Hopefully you blocked him. There are men who get a kick from 'slave-play'.

You just have to keep looking sadly. Finding a good one is like finishing a needle in a hay stack. Be firm in what you want and don't pretend you're okay with behaviours just to be seen to give men a chance. Good luck

@babynumber2pending

@Giningit and @lboogy yes i blocked him!

Giving the app a break.

@howsicklyarsekissy it is a race thing, the fetishisation of black men and women from white people is a thing sadly. There is a lot history and no doubt current research in this. Either way, after explaining that this type of thing does indeed exist, him going further and asking me (a black woman) to be his slave, is racist. I wouldn't say it's a man thing.

[quote TellitToTheStars]@Giningit how strange? I get that but in the other way. So not me being a slave but they like the nice lifestyle i.e. trips to the Caribbean etc[/quote]
I think the house thing was his way of trying to impress me. You know, because I couldn’t possible own my own place . It wasn’t all bad, I also some nice messages, alongside the usual sleaze.

I'm still in shock about cleaning the house thing. I met my current bf on Bumble. He is Sweedish and he treats me like a queen.

@lboogy i mostly date white men because they like to wine and dine, go on holidays, go to the theatre and they are less domestically demanding

@TellitToTheStars

I think that's fine as long as you're not assuming Black men don't do those things as well. It could be that in your experience you haven't met Black men that do but I personally wouldn't use that to say I only date white men. Of course you're entitled to do whatever you want. Im just saying that Black men do wine and dine, travel and go on holiday, it makes me laugh to think that someone thinks that Black men don't do this.

As I mentioned above, ill date whoever im attracted to. I personally feel it's wrong to not date one race because you perceive that only one race enjoys the things you do.

So many generalisations in your sentence, just didn't sit well with me.

It would've made more sense to me if you'd said...I like doing xyz...and I usually find men who enjoy these things too...are white men. But the things you've mentioned are not even niche or exclusive to white men. So it is slightly rude in my opinion.

As for being less domestically demanding, every week on mumsnet, there is a post about a woman fed up of cleaning up her home after her DP. Im going to assume a lot of these come from white women in relationships with white men.