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Original poster

my lovely mum died suddenly yesterday.....

84 replies

chimchar · 08/07/2009 18:48

...and i just can't deal with it...i'm numb..she had been unwell over the weekend. dad called the gp yesterday afternoon and 2 hours later, she was gone. i didn't get to say goodbye....

i hurt all over. i don't have brothers or sisters, so its just me and my dad. my mum was my best friend...i don't want to be without her....she was only 64. she was the most adoring grandma to my kids...

i just can't cope with this....its so wrong..

please help me...

OP posts:
Owls · 08/07/2009 18:50

Oh I am so sorry. What an awful thing to happen.

McDreamy · 08/07/2009 18:51

Aw no how awful! So sorry chimchar

ihavenosecrets · 08/07/2009 18:51

I am so sorry for your loss.

TequilaMockinBird · 08/07/2009 18:52

So very sorry to read this

Thinking of you and praying for you all

(((hugs))) xx

cornsilk · 08/07/2009 18:52

sorry for your loss

2shoes · 08/07/2009 18:52

So sorry for your loss and your mum was so young.

smartiejake · 08/07/2009 18:53

What a terrible shock and so young too.

I have no wise words but so sorry. {{{{hugs}}}}

TheLibrarianIsNotAMonkey · 08/07/2009 18:53

Oh I am so very sorry to here this. What a horrendous shock. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, just be near your dad and the other people who loved her. I am so, so sorry

EdwardBitMe · 08/07/2009 18:54

So so sorry for your loss
My mum was taken into hospital yesterday and I know how helpless you must feel. Can't imagine not having her around.
I hurt for you. Keep strong.

TheMadHouse · 08/07/2009 18:54

I just wanted to add my thought and prayers I with you. I am so sorry for your loss

herbietea · 08/07/2009 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hassled · 08/07/2009 18:57

I'm so sorry. My father died very suddenly, and in many ways that was harder to deal with than the long illness my mother had - you just have to keep reminding yourself that she would have felt comparatively little pain and that from her point of view it was better to go quickly than long and lingering. But it is so hard for those left behind to try and pick up the pieces.

supersalstrawberry · 08/07/2009 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mulranno · 08/07/2009 19:00

Hello Chimchar....I am sure you are just reeling from shock at the moment. I am so very very sorry. You have a tough road ahead of you. Check in here we will hold your hand and wipe your tears.

Notalone · 08/07/2009 19:01

What a terrible shock. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I would echo what others have said - do you have a partner / close friend to lean on right now and does your dad have the same? It may be a bit soon but there is a bereavement charity called Cruse who may be able to help you either now or in the future. Sending you lots of virtual hugs.

ipiratethief · 08/07/2009 19:02

i am sorry for your loss chimchar, what a terrible shock.

Original poster
chimchar · 08/07/2009 19:05

thanks everyone..all my friends have been lovely..lots of messages and offers of help but there is nothing anyone can do to help is there? tbh, i can't face the thought of seeng anyone...i feel so very alone and worried for my dad. there's got to be a post mortem which is being done tomorrow, and then depending on the outcome of that, the funeral is to be booked.... i can't even begin to think bout it. i think i might collapse with pain before that...

my head is buzzing, my stomach is churning, i keep crying, and can't seem to hold it together...

OP posts:
mulranno · 08/07/2009 19:15

Let it out Chimchar...scream if you want to...you dont need to hold anything together...a good howling cry will help

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 08/07/2009 19:17

So sorry for your loss,

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 08/07/2009 19:19

Oh I'm so sorry for you chimchar

abraid · 08/07/2009 19:23

How dreadful. I'm so sorry to hear this awful news.

runnyhabbit · 08/07/2009 19:26

chimchar, so sorry that you are going through this.

As others have said, don't bottle it up - let it all out x

Kazzi79 · 08/07/2009 19:31

I haven't read the rest of the thread but just want to say my thoughts are with you.

I lost my dad in similar circumstances last year, tbh I still think I'm in shock over it I've never grieved, my dad was only 53 and as stupid as this sounds when my brother phoned and told me the news I just laughed, I don't know what I was supposed to do after all what is the right way to react when you've just been told one of your parents has died? I felt guilty for not crying but it just wouldnt come.

The good thing about having children is they keep you going, they'll be feeling this too, its not wrong to feel confused, angry and upset, its not wrong to take yourself off and have a good old cry if you need to. Hopefully you and your dad can support each other at this sad time and it sounds as though you have some fantastic friends.

My thoughts are with you all xxx

frumpygrumpy · 08/07/2009 19:34

chimchar, that is just it. This is the time not to hold it together xxxxxxx. Everything can go arse over tit and its ok. You feel like you are falling apart.........so let that happen, others can piece things together until you let the shock subside a little. You are shocked to the core, and that could stay for a while.

Losing someone unexpectedly is the worst thing IMHO. The shock remains. You had no time to prepare for this. Give yourself extra time to let the shock sink in before you even begin to deal with all the rest.

Do whatever you need to get through today, and apply that to everyday. Keep posting, lots and lots of people on here can support you.

I am so very sorry you have to face this. Death is a cruel, cruel thing but you will get to a point, a long time from now, when you will be able to look back at this and remember your lovely mum with a smile. Watch out for her, I believe our loved ones always watch for us.

Thinking of you x.

ineedalifelaundry · 08/07/2009 20:06

Chimchar - I also lost my mum suddenly aged 64. It's a horrendous shock. We never really think about losing a parent at that age, we just assume they will just go on forever. As someone else has said, sudden death is very hard to get your head around for a good while. Don't have high expectations of yourself, you are allowed to cry, be angry, lost, numb, whatever. These are completely natural feelings.

Are you close to your dad? The two of you need to be together right now. Nobody was as close to your mum as you and him. Take comfort in each other.

How are your DCs? Unfortunately, my mum died before she ever became a grandma. She now has five wonderful grandchildren who have totally missed out on knowing their Grandma. I hope your DCs will keep memories of their adoring grandma for the rest of their lives.

I am so sad for you. Try to hold on to the good stuff - how wonderful a mum she has been for you. And remember that she will never truly die - she lives on in you and in your DCs.