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Dad died 2 weeks ago, mum died today

105 replies

lynsey91 · 29/01/2021 17:21

My dad died 2 weeks ago. Thankfully he died at home with mum, me and one of my sisters with him.

He had dementia and my mum and sister fought like crazy for him not to go into a care home. For the last few months he did have carers going in a few times a day but my mum did the majority of looking after him for the last 3 years or so. He could not even feed himself and had been bed bound for about 5 months

He came out of hospital on the Wednesday with a negative covid test and died on the Saturday. We now know he did have covid.

On the Monday mum became ill with a chesty cough and hoarse voice. We honestly thought she had a chest infection partly because we didn't know they could be covid symptoms and also because we all thought dad did not have it. We spoke to her doctor and he said she should get a covid test. We took her that day and next day the result came back positive

Me and DH stayed with her to look after her. She grew worse and was not eating and barely drinking so we had to call an ambulance. A week after dad had died she was taken into hospital.

No one was allowed to visit and we were all isolating anyway. Wednesday we had a phone call saying they didn't think she had long left and this morning we got the call saying she had died.

I just can't take it in. I was obviously upset about dad but he had not been well for a while and in a lot of ways it was a kind of relief for him and for mum even though she was distraught.

Mum has hit me so much more. No one was with her and I can't believe I will never see her again. I thought she would have a few years left at least and would no longer have the hard job of looking after dad.

My last memory of mum is speaking to her in the back of an ambulance telling her she would be ok and home soon. She looked so tiny and scared.

Neither mum or dad had been outside their house since last March apart from dad going into hospital and we had all been so careful. I live a 3 hour drive away and had only seen them twice since March.

Mum was 91 so yes she was a good age but she was fairly healthy and deserved a few more years.

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 29/01/2021 17:36

So very sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry.

zafferana · 29/01/2021 17:37

Flowers OP. What a terrible shock for you on top of the sadness of losing both your parents.

Devastating too that they'd been safe at home all that time and then exposed to Covid through your dad's hospital stay.

KindnessCrusader · 29/01/2021 17:38

I'm so sorry, what an awful time for you. Thanks

Tiree1965 · 29/01/2021 17:38

That’s heartbreaking for you, try and focus on the happy memories. It’s hard but you will get through it.

Cocolapew · 29/01/2021 17:39

I'm so sorry Flowers

Peterbear · 29/01/2021 17:39

So sorry how awful. Big love to you.x

swampytiggaa · 29/01/2021 17:39

I’m so very very sorry much love to you

Holothane · 29/01/2021 17:39

That is heartbreaking you poor love 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

jenniuol · 29/01/2021 17:39

Oh I am so very, very sorry op Flowers

Londonnight · 29/01/2021 17:39

I am so sorry for you loss xx

ShineOnYouCrazyDiamondAndPearl · 29/01/2021 17:39

Oh that’s just awful, I’m so sorry for your horrendous loss Flowers

dublingirl66 · 29/01/2021 17:40

I'm so so sorry to read this

Praying for you and your family ❤️❤️❤️

Wellwhatalovelyday · 29/01/2021 17:40

This so very sad, I’m sorry.

Defenbaker · 29/01/2021 17:41

That's heart breaking for you and your family, OP. My parents both died in the same year, and one had advanced dementia, so I understand the complexity of grief in that scenario, but to have both die within the same month must be awful. I'm so sorry for your loss.

BlueTimes · 29/01/2021 17:42

I am so so sorry. It’s all so desperately unfair. Flowers

tenlittlecygnets · 29/01/2021 17:44

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's so sad. Your poor mum. 💐

Dontjudgeme101 · 29/01/2021 17:45

I am so sorry for you.💐

RoseMartha · 29/01/2021 17:49

Sending a hug. So sorry for you and your famiily

CaMePlaitPas · 29/01/2021 17:50

What a tragedy. I am so sorry for your loss.

bestbefore · 29/01/2021 17:51

💐💐💐

AlexaShutUp · 29/01/2021 17:52

I am so very sorry.Flowers

RandomMess · 29/01/2021 17:52

So very sorry, that's heartbreaking for your family Thanks

Mycatisthebest · 29/01/2021 17:53

So sorry for your loss

ApplestheHare · 29/01/2021 17:54

I'm so, so sorry OP. Such a heartbreaking outcome Flowers

M0rT · 29/01/2021 17:58

I am so so sorry for your losses, especially the sudden shock of losing your Mam like that.
Be really kind to yourself for the next while, whatever that means to you.
For me it's early baths, early bed, undemanding books and tv, and comfort food.
If yours is 10mile runs do that, but just go easy on yourself. The shock on top of the grief will be so hard. Flowers