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Dad died 2 weeks ago, mum died today

105 replies

lynsey91 · 29/01/2021 17:21

My dad died 2 weeks ago. Thankfully he died at home with mum, me and one of my sisters with him.

He had dementia and my mum and sister fought like crazy for him not to go into a care home. For the last few months he did have carers going in a few times a day but my mum did the majority of looking after him for the last 3 years or so. He could not even feed himself and had been bed bound for about 5 months

He came out of hospital on the Wednesday with a negative covid test and died on the Saturday. We now know he did have covid.

On the Monday mum became ill with a chesty cough and hoarse voice. We honestly thought she had a chest infection partly because we didn't know they could be covid symptoms and also because we all thought dad did not have it. We spoke to her doctor and he said she should get a covid test. We took her that day and next day the result came back positive

Me and DH stayed with her to look after her. She grew worse and was not eating and barely drinking so we had to call an ambulance. A week after dad had died she was taken into hospital.

No one was allowed to visit and we were all isolating anyway. Wednesday we had a phone call saying they didn't think she had long left and this morning we got the call saying she had died.

I just can't take it in. I was obviously upset about dad but he had not been well for a while and in a lot of ways it was a kind of relief for him and for mum even though she was distraught.

Mum has hit me so much more. No one was with her and I can't believe I will never see her again. I thought she would have a few years left at least and would no longer have the hard job of looking after dad.

My last memory of mum is speaking to her in the back of an ambulance telling her she would be ok and home soon. She looked so tiny and scared.

Neither mum or dad had been outside their house since last March apart from dad going into hospital and we had all been so careful. I live a 3 hour drive away and had only seen them twice since March.

Mum was 91 so yes she was a good age but she was fairly healthy and deserved a few more years.

OP posts:
S111n20 · 29/01/2021 17:59

This is heartbreaking. So sorry for your loss 💐💐💐 take care 💕

IRememberSoIDo · 29/01/2021 18:00

Oh OP I am so so sorry to read about your losses. I lost my grandparents within a couple of weeks of each other, both suddenly, in 1999. It took my mum, her sister and her brother so long to come to terms with it because one day they were both here and three weeks later they were both gone. I have no advice, just sending you a hug.

Crosstrainer · 29/01/2021 18:01

So sorry. Take care of yourself.

Boboparadise · 29/01/2021 18:02

Sending huge hugs and love. Such a sad situation for you to be in. So so sorry xx

Bibidy · 29/01/2021 18:03

So, so sorry. How awful for your family x

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2021 18:03

It sounds like your mum was a formidable woman, looking after her dh in her 90’s. I’m so sorry for your loss. Flowers

blowyouttoday · 29/01/2021 18:04

This is so heartbreaking I'm so sorry 💐

Notverygrownup · 29/01/2021 18:05

Oh my goodness, you must feel as if you have been steamrollered. What a tragic outcome.

In time you will, maybe, take comfort in the fact that you managed to keep your dad at home and did so much for him. It is hugely challenging to do so with someone with advanced dementia, but can be done. You must have all worked v. hard to look after him.

Your mum is, in contrast, a total victim of this awful virus. You will, I am sure, feel angry that your dad was sent home with a false negative test. The anger is normal, and healthy, and will hopefully pass too, so that you can focus on remembering the lovely things that made your mum so special.

You have been robbed of those last few years, but on the other hand you have shared many special years with her. Doing most of the caring for your dad, whilst turning 90 - she must have been a pretty amazing lady.

Again, your last memory of her, is of her in the ambulance, but hopefully, with time, other images will come to the forefront of happier times.

Look after yourself Flowers FlowersFlowers

Parkermumma07 · 29/01/2021 18:06

Oh you poor thing. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I hope they are together xx

CosmicComfort · 29/01/2021 18:06

That is so heartbreaking, I am so sorry for your terrible loss💐

Londontown12 · 29/01/2021 18:08

Lots of love 💕
This must have been heartbreaking losing parents so close together .
But just remember their both together ❤️

MrsBartlet · 29/01/2021 18:10

This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss 💐

lovemakespeace · 29/01/2021 18:10

This is just awful. I am so so so sorry.

reprehensibleme · 29/01/2021 18:11

What a devastating time for you and your family. You had time to grieve for your dad, but to have your lovely mum taken from you so quickly must be so hard to bear.

PolarnOPirate · 29/01/2021 18:13

Wow that is terribly tragic. I’m so sorry for your losses.

SnoozyLou · 29/01/2021 18:13

I'm so sorry.

clary · 29/01/2021 18:14

OP so so sorry for your loss, how terribly difficult this must be to deal with, especially as it sounds as though your mum was healthy and fit until the last days/weeks. How proud you must all be of her for what she did, looking after your dad for so long.

I hear you, I really do, on the "last memory of her" but the things that matter are all the years before, all the happy things that happened, all the time you spent together. It's so difficult but in time you will be able to focus on that. Flowers

spongedog · 29/01/2021 18:14

So sorry for your losses, but more for the suddenness of so unexpectedly losing your Mum, x Flowers

Pugdoglife · 29/01/2021 18:16

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mum and dad, it's heartbreaking, I hope you have lots of support to get you through these difficult times.

Travelledtheworld · 29/01/2021 18:17

So sorry to hear this. Losing your mother is such a terrible final loss. My mother died suddenly ten years ago. I wasn't with her at the time and I still feel terrible about it.
Small comfort but try to believe they are together again.
Time will heal, but meantime be kind to yourself and take time to grieve.
Hugs.

Sisterlove · 29/01/2021 18:20

My heart goes out to you for the loss of your mum and dad so close together. So devastating for you and your family.

I hate what covid has done to so many families.

What a world we live in.

tibradden · 29/01/2021 18:23

I am so sorry for your loss. Your Dad and then your Mum. Please mind yourself

maddiemookins16mum · 29/01/2021 18:25

Oh you poor love, nothing I can say will make you feel any better, I am so sorry for you, I really am 💐

cantseethelight82 · 29/01/2021 18:30

I am so so sorry to read your post, I can't imagine how devastated you must be.

Roselilly36 · 29/01/2021 18:34

So sorry OP Flowers