We lost a baby boy during labour. last year. We're having another boy (scan was today) - We're happy but I'm dreading the 'didn't you want a girl?' comments

[bubble99]

That's it, really. We have three, and should have had four lovely boys but my DS3's healthy, full-term twin brother died at 39 weeks during a horrribly f*d up labour last year.

We had a scan today (I'm 21 weeks Pg) and hadn't really wanted to know the sex of the baby - but it was fairly obvious! I'm dreading fielding the 'are you going to try again for a girl?' questions as I've been fielding the 'what are you having?' stuff already with....'Boy or girl, alive, I hope. Thankyou.'

I was struggling today during the scan as it reminded me so much of seeing both of my twin boys alive..

Thanks for listening.

oh bubble...

sorry today made you sad bubble.

boys are great .

OH bubble ......

Glad the scan went okay though. I know you must be happy that everything is going okay, but i cant begin to imagine how hard it was for you.

Ive no advice for fielding crass comments and questions.

((((((hugs))))))

Then again - did the sonographer confirm it was a boy?

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
Can't help except for sending some virtual hugs.
I'm sure others will be far more help ....

Bubble - sorry today was hard for you.

It's horrifying that people would be so insensitive.

Congratulations to you - boys are fabbo (as you already know!) and you are truly blessed with all of them.

x

oh bubble....xxxx...i remeber your experiences of last year...the saddest saddest and incredibly moving posts ive ever read....xxxx

congratulations on your pregnancy

i just dont know what to sya to you...but i hope oyu get some of the mumsnet magic to help you through.

lots of love beans

no advice for you bubble just lots of love and hugs...

I thought of you yesterday and thought you must be having another scan around now. Bless him for being immodest

Do you think it will help knowing in advance - you'll be able to tell people and not have to field as many "oh, poor you, a girl would've been lovely, never mind, you can always try again" stuff (which really annoys me too, btw) just after he's born?

You could always have a T-shirt made that says "It's another boy, no, we won't be trying for a girl because we're scared of pink toys and glittery tops"?

Sorry, I'm being too flippant

You know how deeply I feel for you though, Bubble - think of you often, my love x x x

Message withdrawn

bubble

were you planning on telling people (the sex)? just pretend you don't know what the sex is and just reel out the 'a healthy baby I hope' line - that should shut them up

I think people ask the question (do you know what you're having) because it's a conversation starter with a pregnant person

hope you're ok - I'm going to pop in to the Marble Hill One o Clock club sometime in the next week or so and I'll wave across the river to you

congratulions bubble. wow, another boy. i hear boys are great fun.

try and ignore the comments people make.

Bubble sweetheart, I haven't caught up with you for ages. Just want to send you vibes of strength atm. Ignore what anyone is saying, this baby is very special (as all are) and I trully believe you are a woman who can rule a roost full of men with no trouble [grin} .

Bubble , can't begin to imagine the bittersweet emotions you are experiencing. Can't believe people can be so insensitive.

Congrats on another boy Bubble xx

Hugs Bubble and I hope that no one will be so bloody insensitive as to ask such a question.

Hunker's response is fab btw

Who CARES what ANYONE thinks Bubble - you have got a lovely 4th baby boy in there Hope it all goes well.

thoughts to you xxx lovely news from your scan xxx

here here

Congrats Bubble, didn't realise you were pregnant!!

Ignore other people -- I love Hunkers response - that should floor people who are insensitive enough to comment.

Message withdrawn

Bubble - could you just be very direct?
Just let their question land with a thud and answer such stupid questions with 'no' - and move on. Or 'I'll be happy with a healthy child, thank you'.

Is it people who DON'T know about the loss of darling Bo that you are dreading - or those (who should know better) who do?

As ComeOveneer says, special baby, special Mum, special family - front 'em out.

Have a stock of replies, and trip them out without letting it get under your skin.

And concentrate on being healthy and loving with your 3 lovely boys. What else matters?

Oh bubble
Congratulations on your little boy. I hope that nobody will be as insensitive as to make such a comment, but if they do, tell them "We are just so grateful to have a healthy baby, it doesn't matter what sex they are"
I agree that hunkers response is great!

Bubble congratulations ! As a mother of four boys - i have had to suffer the sharp intake of breaths when people hear what i have etc etc etc.. They are lovely boys ...lets hear it for boys
Enjoy the rest of your pg and prepare a list of short and-to-the-point retorts!

I've got green stickers on my ante-natal notes with a teary eye with a baby in the middle of the pupil, which apparently denotes a bereaved mother/father. The U/S staff were lovely and I am happy that Elijah gets the little brother he should have had. Not his missing twin, but a brother nonetheless.

Thanks to all of you. I am finding this very difficult and Mr Bubble and I both said that, what should have been such a happy experience today, was so very sad.

{{{big hug}}}