We lost a baby boy during labour. last year. We're having another boy (scan was today) - We're happy but I'm dreading the 'didn't you want a girl?' comments

[bubble99]

That's it, really. We have three, and should have had four lovely boys but my DS3's healthy, full-term twin brother died at 39 weeks during a horrribly f*d up labour last year.

We had a scan today (I'm 21 weeks Pg) and hadn't really wanted to know the sex of the baby - but it was fairly obvious! I'm dreading fielding the 'are you going to try again for a girl?' questions as I've been fielding the 'what are you having?' stuff already with....'Boy or girl, alive, I hope. Thankyou.'

I was struggling today during the scan as it reminded me so much of seeing both of my twin boys alive..

Thanks for listening.

{{{hugs}}}

hugs bubble, just hugs.

I would turn to those who may make insensitive comments and say 'no, we want a rugby team'.

Blu. That's what I've been saying. 'Alive would be nice, thankyou.'

Even people at the boys' school, who know what happened last year, have said - 'maybe you'll get a girl this time' and 'I bet you're glad it's not twins again'

Congratulatations on another brother for Bo and Elijah. I am a huge fan of direct put downs to insensitive comments. Do not mince your words and let people know how rude they are.
Boys are fantastic - I would love another, but only if I could have a boy. Girls are pink and fluffy but think of the hormonal teenage years - no thanks !

bubble, I think blu and hunker express it well - and I think your phrase you mentioned in your OP is appropriate - but I really hope that no-one is so crassly insensitive if they know your story.

And (((hugs))) to you and MrBubble and the boys - I guess a mixture of and at the moment.

for you Bubble.
people can be so insensitive.

I have had this time and time again. Have ds then went on to lose my 2nd ds, now 33 weeks with my 3rd ds and couldn't be happier!

The only person who keeps crying because i'm not having a girl is my MIL but i don't care. And yes, i get the comments 'awww shame, maybe you'll have a girl next time...'
My reply: There will be no 'next' time, dh is having the snip. Shuts them up good and proper.

Good luck with this pg, i understand how stressful the scans are.

People are unbelieveable, Bubble. So sorry.

What do they know?

I live in fear of being so unwittingly cruel.

Oh bubble x.

I think if someone is insensitive enough to give their opinion on the sex of your unborn child then you are quite right to dish out something curt if you can at all manage it.

I guess, regardless of sex, the scan was always going to be sad. Like visiting a place you think you've been before, but with the furniture arranged differently. I imagine the whole of the rest of your life will be tinged with moments like this.

I have twins and an older DD. We've had difficult times since they arrived but I couldn't choose one I'd live without so bollocks to the "glad its not twins" shitey comment. You have four boys, you have twins, and you're going to have another, gorgeous baby. Even if he only eats pot noodles all his life, we'll still love him . Sorry for crap attempt at humour.

oh bubble that's really horrible, especially as they know what happened

hope you are settling in well to your new place and the boys are enjoying the new house

(think quietlydevastated's post is lovely)

I cannot believe people could be so insensitive, Bubble. I feel very on your behalf.

ouch, people say such thoughtless, tactless, unhelpful crap.
i don't know your history, but it sounds v sad and you obviously have a lot of friends and support on mn.
just wanted to add my best wishes - maybe a time for some close family reflection and ignoring outside 'stuff' you can't control.

Bubble, firstly congratulations on your impending arrival! I had no idea you were pg

I am utterly [shocked] @ people saying the twins thing to you. It makes you wonder what planet these people are on, doesn't it ?

It's entirely natural that the scan with DS5 brought out those feelings in you. I felt them when I saw DD on the scan screen for the first time (I lost a DD at 26 weeks, a few years before having my now 3year old DD). Huge hugs to you x

I wish people weren't so bloody crass. How ignorant!

Thanks, foxy. And thanks to all of you. What a wonderful place mumsnet is.

at how insensitive some people can be.

Bubble, MN is fab. We are all here for you.

xxx

I have purposely kept my babys sex a secret from everyone because of comments like this, they make me so mad!
I still get the whole "oh i suppose it doesn't matter as you have one of each already"
also the comments about is it your first? and my friend jumps in before i get a chance to say 4th and says 3rd!
my 3rd baby died last year at 23 weeks due to preterm labour.

i have not had the bravery to say to anyone i just want a baby thats alive, but thats how i feel aswell.

you should join us on pg after mc thread, loads of support there for us all who have lost babies at all different gestations- it really should be called pg after loss but its a great thread and has helped me through alot of times in this pg.
{{{hugs}}}

I don't understand it. How hard is it to just say 'how lovely' and keep the nosy comments to oneself? (if indeed you're crass enough to think of them in the first place!)

Bubble, I'm sorry today was sad for you. It would be quite odd if it wasn't though, really. If it makes you feel any better, carry on with the 'alive, thanks' reply and let the other people squirm. It never ceases to amaze me what people think is acceptable to say!

Anyhow, congrats on your news, and start picking out a fab biblical name!

Thanks. Oh Hollywood one! I'm feeling better already.

Oh Bubble I do think of you a lot and am so happy that you are having another baby.

I would say,

(If you dont want people to know the sex which is what I did when I knew that ds2 was a boy)

'We are just hoping that it isnt a girl as Elijah will love having a littl brother and tbh we wouldnt know what to do with a girl!!'

Hope you are feeling OK and do let us help with a great name for him.

Congratulations.

Bubble I have one boy and I would love four! In hospital after the birth, a midwife told me she had four boys and couldn't be happier. If anyone dares say such a thing to you, just say "I would be delighted with another boy". Nothing more needs to be said. And of course it is bringing back memories - it's natural. Best of luck to you.

you are not in Leeds are you snow?

No, why?

Come from near there though.

when i was in labour in leeds a midwife said that of her 4 boys