I need to cry, I need to break this numbness thing. I need to go to asda. I need to do something constructive. i feel like I am an evil bitch because I am not crying and sobbing. I miss Aillidh loads. But I feel so low. I had it in my head I had to be ok for work so on Sunday I made an effort to focus on work and be ok, so Monday to Thursday managed. Now its friday and I am allowed to cry and wail but something os holding me back. I nearly cried the other night because my pillow was uncomfy. I am not letting myself think of certain feelings, I am in some sort of robotic mode.