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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or just a pushy mum? Advice please!

92 replies

InmyheadIminParis · 21/09/2009 12:22

I've arranged a meeting with my dd's reception class teach this afternoon and I'm now in 16 minds about it. And very nervous . I think I'm going to come across as a very pushy Mum , but I'm worried that if I want to speak up it's now or never.

DD started school 2 weeks ago, but today will only be her 3rd full day. I found out at the weekend that there are two reception classes. 1 is a normal reception class. The other class (which I thought was another normal reception class) is actually half reception and half the year above. It seems that the brighter children are put in this class.

DD has always been bright for her age. She started school with an amazing vocab, writing her name in full and a few other words and reading simple words that she can sound out (cat, dog, sun, etc). The school she's in doesn't have links with the pre-school she went to so the teachers wouldn't have known that she was a bright button.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for her to be moved into the other class? What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

InmyheadIminParis · 21/09/2009 12:24

That should have been 'teacher', of course.

OP posts:

VinegarTits · 21/09/2009 12:27

Maybe they put her in the lower class so they can assess her without putting any pressure on her to keep up with the older dc, they will probably move her up once they know she can cope in the other class

Ivykaty44 · 21/09/2009 12:27

I would go and get the fact first - you have been told that this is so and this is that, make sure first you have got the correct information.

That way you will not look silly for just asking the questions.

bubblagirl · 21/09/2009 12:28

to be honest she sounds like any other 4-5 yr old is she gifted? excels above age etc in things as this will be the children that would go in that class

but in all honesty i wouldn't approach the subject on the 3rd full day the teachers will need to get to know the children individually first and see there needs and would take more than 3 days

are you sure the other class is for gifted children and not just the older reception children?

my ds is 4 and can do maths for 6 yr olds but i wouldn't want him in another class just left where he is as for what he does know there's still a lot he can learn from the other children and i would want him around the same children his age he can also read and write well

if you ant her with the older children then ask but i dont see the big deal in moving her to that class she will do just as well in her class as they will work with what she knows

pagwatch · 21/09/2009 12:28

sorry . Very pushy

If the class is actually for the brighter children ( which you are only assuming) then no doubt they will suss your child out soon enough

A woman at my DSs first school demanded to see the teacher first term because her DS hadn't been included in what she thought was the elite of two groups in reception. The two groups were those who needed help with changing and the loo etc and those who didn't

it did make me laugh

MmeLindt · 21/09/2009 12:29

Are you sure that the other class is really the "brighter" half of the reception class? It seems unlikely.

DS is in a similar composite class but I think the children were split randomly, not because of ability.

However, I would not ask for her to be moved. The teacher will think that you are a pushy mum (and of course we all think that our DC are bright).

fizzpops · 21/09/2009 12:29

I'm not in your situation as my DD is not old enough for school yet but I don't think you are unreasonable to meet the teacher to voice your concerns.

It may be that there is something you have missed which explains things and it would be better to go into the meeting with an information gathering mentality rather than viewing it as a confrontation - not saying you are its just you say you are nervous and that makes me think you are expecting trouble.

You have a right to information which could affect your daughter's education so don't be nervous, just go along with an open mind.

paisleyleaf · 21/09/2009 12:30

How can they know they're 'brighter' ? ...they don't know them yet.
Are you sure it's not older, as in autumn birthdays.
Or, are they still shuffling the children around as they get to know them?

hunlet · 21/09/2009 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gorionine · 21/09/2009 12:30

I would give the teacher more time to see for herself if DD really should go to the receptin class. the theacher has probably not yet had enough time to see the full range of abilities of all the children in the class, especially if they only had half days so far.

Our school used to also have a reception class and a half reception/half year 1. The criteria was age, not capability.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 21/09/2009 12:31

Are you sure the brighter children are put in this class and not the older ones?

Why do you want her moved? Ds has just started year 1 but if there was any way I could move him back a year I would, he is very bright, but I hate that he has to 'school' work now and has so much less time to play.

If she is already doing all the things you have listed then you are obviously doing a great job with her at home, she doesn't need to learn any faster than this.

Also she may have already found children in this class that she likes, talk to the teacher if you are worried, but I would leave it alone and trust the school.

bubblagirl · 21/09/2009 12:31

also she may appear bright as i thought with my ds but also alot of other children know the same or more and they level out when at school and doesn't necessarily make them the brightest as at pre school iyswim as when younger it does seem very bright but at school they have so much they need to learn and alot of children know it or know more but also a lot at this age they cannot do so doesn't make them stand out amongst there peers so much

clam · 21/09/2009 12:32

I'm not sure you can ask for her to be put in the other class just becuase you think she is bright. You have no idea how 'bright' the other children are - or what criteria they have used for the grouping at all. It may have been done on age, or maturity, or friendship groups. It is far too early (3 full days) for you to assume that she's going to be left behind to stagnate. If there were only one reception class, or even two parallel ones, you wouldn't be worrying, I take it? So it might therefore seem to the teachers that you just want your kid in the "top set" regardless. I'm highly doubtful that, at reception, it works like that.

Jajas · 21/09/2009 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hunlet · 21/09/2009 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

macdoodle · 21/09/2009 12:33

oh FGS YABSooooooU and pushy ! Cant you just leave her to enjoy it - she is in reception not like its A levels - you are going to come across as stark raving and that will follow your DD through her whole primary career - just leave it!

pagwatch · 21/09/2009 12:35

Actually OP I got a bit just thinking about how you would even start that conversation.....

wannaBe · 21/09/2009 12:36

yes yabu and pushy.

Generally schools have mixed classes not because some children are brighter and at year1 level, but because the year1 class is under-subscribed and so the school can admit extra reception children in order to make up the numbers - it's about money.

Personally i think reception is very important, and the children who are in a mixed class will miss out on some of the playtimes and the the in-class play that happens in an all-reception class.

Under no circumstances would I want my child going into a mixed class - ever.

MummyDoIt · 21/09/2009 12:36

We have the same system at our school. However, all children start off in the lower, purely Reception class. In January some of them will be moved up to the Year 1/Reception class. This leaves space in the Reception class for the January intake.

However, it's not just academic ability which determines who moves up and who stays down. Both my DSs are bright but both did the full year in Reception. DS1 had a severe speech problem so that's why he stayed down. DS2 started school just days after DH died and the school and I felt that he would do better with continuity for his first year and that change in January would be harmful. Other children I know have been kept down because of extreme shyness and because of poor social skills.

Both my DSs thrived on their year in Reception. Incidentally, they then both missed out the Reception/Year 1 class altogether and moved to the next class up so their learning was not at all hindered by being in Reception.

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/09/2009 12:37

I think it is a presumptious thing to do - give the teachers time to assess your child.

My dd has just started reception - we have a meeting with the teachers this week to discuss how they have settled down and we were told that they are still in the process of assessing the abilities of the children and so will not be able or willing to discuss how they are going/have grouped the children..

I would just continue as you have and take action then

mackerel · 21/09/2009 12:37

I'm not sure I get why you want her to be in the other class. You are going to ask for her to be moved on what basis? The implication is that she is too bright for her current class. Surely if she is happy that is the main thing. She will develop whichever class she is in and her abilities will out wherever she is. Having had children in schools with the splitting of year groups as you have at yours, I'd say I'd rather my DD was in the class with just reception children in. I think that the teacher will think you are a bit pushy if you are not careful with how you have this conversation.

mrsruffallo · 21/09/2009 12:40

Op YABU
She has only done 3 full days!
The schools I know of that have the split classes do it on age rather than ability.
Be careful with this OP, you may gain a reputation that may stay with you throughout school.

kathyis6incheshigh · 21/09/2009 12:40

Go along to the meeting and use it to get more clarification.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you being anxious that your child may have been already pigeonholed as not being bright. That wouldn't make you pushy. However, the teacher will probably be able to reassure you that this is not the case.
But yes, as everyone else says, definitely don't go in with all guns blazing saying 'Move my daughter up! She's far cleverer than the other children!'

alana39 · 21/09/2009 12:44

A good reception teacher will spot if your daughter is very bright (not suggesting she isn't, but lots of children at this age have certain things they're very good at, but overall need to be in a normal reception class) but would second going to ask questions. Likelihood is that it will just put your mind at rest without the need to come across as pushy.

LadyMuck · 21/09/2009 12:46

You need to have your facts very clear on this one. There are a mere handful of parents of reception age children who do not think that their children are bright. And practically no way for the school to have assessed which reception children would be most bright except on age. If Your dd has a Sept or Oct birthday then I could see that you might bring it up, but even then why would you bother?

Presumably by your logic the older reception children are with the thicker (though possibly merely younger) Yr1 children? Is that really preferable to your dd being the brightest in her class?

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