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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or just a pushy mum? Advice please!

92 replies

InmyheadIminParis · 21/09/2009 12:22

I've arranged a meeting with my dd's reception class teach this afternoon and I'm now in 16 minds about it. And very nervous . I think I'm going to come across as a very pushy Mum , but I'm worried that if I want to speak up it's now or never.

DD started school 2 weeks ago, but today will only be her 3rd full day. I found out at the weekend that there are two reception classes. 1 is a normal reception class. The other class (which I thought was another normal reception class) is actually half reception and half the year above. It seems that the brighter children are put in this class.

DD has always been bright for her age. She started school with an amazing vocab, writing her name in full and a few other words and reading simple words that she can sound out (cat, dog, sun, etc). The school she's in doesn't have links with the pre-school she went to so the teachers wouldn't have known that she was a bright button.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for her to be moved into the other class? What would you do?

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 21/09/2009 13:21

Very graciously said, inmyhead...

Most helpful thing I think for now is to remember that they are just settling in and to be honest they are not really focussing on whether any of them can read, or anything 'academic'. They're going to be focussing on fostering the idea of friendship, and an awful lot on listening skills. It's at least a term of institutionalising settling them.

I'd give it a good term before you even think of anything related to ability tbh.

pagwatch · 21/09/2009 13:24

at inmyheadiminparis

glad you came back.

Please don't do it!

If you wantto help your daughter you will achieve the most by not making her teacher roll her eyes everytime you get mentioned inthe staff room.
If at the end of term you are concerned then talk about how she is doing at parents evening. Your DD is not going to miss the week they do maths because she is in group b...

LadyMuck · 21/09/2009 13:24

But what the preschool will have on her is already at least 2 months out of date - which is a huge length time for a 4/5 year old. They might use the data for some form filling, but they will spend time in this first month making their own assessment of each child.

Original poster
InmyheadIminParis · 21/09/2009 13:25

Thanks - and your comments have made me think twice six times.

OP posts:
Original poster
InmyheadIminParis · 21/09/2009 13:26

btw I wasn't hiding - just on the phone.

OP posts:
pigsinmud · 21/09/2009 13:27

Don't go. We have year splits in our small village school and it's always done by age. You have a few parents commenting about their yr2 children being "kept down" with year 1s, but it's just an age thing.

You do sound very pushy as she's only been there a couple of weeks. All you described of your dd's abilities sounds pretty average for a just starting school child.

dreamylady · 21/09/2009 13:28

wow you got a hard time there, people can be v harsh on MN! I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask the teacher casually for clarification on how the two classes are filled, and if you thought they had been segregated on the basis of 'brightness' to want to ensure your child's in the right place for her (ie how do they asses that).

Having said that, it sounds like you've been given the wrong impression, and also I agree with other posters that actually to be with others her own age, especially as a summer baby, is probably the best place for her. Reception is a lot about social and emotional development and building confidence, whether she's extra bright or not there's plenty of time for 'book learning' further up the school so try to relax.... (says me - see some of my other posts to see what a chilled out parent I am

colabottlefizzy · 21/09/2009 13:29

I's leave things as they are.
I think other mums must see me as a pushy mum as on ds first day of nursery they were crowded round him as he was writing, reading, telling the time etc. They were asking him if I'd taught him or had older brothers and sisters. When I said he was an only child you could almost see them thinking 'ahhh she sits him down and teaches him' (it doesn't help that he's one of the younger ones and dinky)But they can't see the problems that he he has as he's SN. Although I have been told that when ds starts school he will be more 'advanced' in these areas he will also have his own problems. There is no way I'd want him moved to another class.

colabottlefizzy · 21/09/2009 13:30

What I meant to say as well is no I haven't taught him he just picks things up.

Jajas · 21/09/2009 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doubleexpresso · 21/09/2009 13:32

The teachers will find out your DD's strengths and weaknesses by themselves in time. You will establish yourself as a pushy, precious parent and the staff will always remember this. Let her settle in and enjoy. Reception should be all about play and socialisation, not academic ablility. Relax and stop worrying. She will be in excellent hands with professional staff who know how to get the best out of every child. Pass on the records, but don't comment on her 'brightness', that is unnecessary. You will be very in years to come if you go ahead with the meeting.

colabottlefizzy · 21/09/2009 13:36

Jajas - ds is behind on things. Socialising etc.

stickylittlefingers · 21/09/2009 13:36

Even if (a) your dd is particularly bright and (b) they've somehow managed to stream the children in reception (very re (b)) - at the stage she's at, you will be able to do a lot at home if she needs it. The sort of reading and writing they're doing is exactly what you're probably doing at home in any case (dd1, now yr1, brought 3 dot-to-dots home as her numeracy homework this weekend - so it really is just what she likes doing anyway).

It will be harder when you're trying to supplement the A-level chemistry and you find your kitchen cupboard is clean out of thistle funnels!

Relax! There's no rush

edam · 21/09/2009 13:36

good for you taking this thread on the chin, inmyhead.

I'm pretty sure everyone who says classes are mixed by age, not ability, will be right. Is certainly the case in ds's school - last year he was in a straight Year 1 class and the oldest 15 of his year group mixed with the youngest year 2s. Nothing to do with ability, they are set across the whole year group for literacy, numeracy and phonics. Now he's in a mixed Year 1/2 class, as a Year 2, but set with the rest of year 2. If that makes any sense at all - basically am agreeing with everyone that they will almost certainly split on age, not ability.

stickylittlefingers · 21/09/2009 13:39

sorry, missed a 'probably' out there - not assuming I know exactly what Inmyheadiminparis does at home

dreamylady · 21/09/2009 13:40

jajas no, you're probably just the only one who's realistic about it

slowreadingprogress · 21/09/2009 13:40

actually this split on age thing sounds great and very sensible and pragmatic. My ds is in year 3 but is the youngest...he would do well to be in a mixed class of year 3 and year 2. Better for him to be in a group where it's at least possible that abilities may be on a par, than to be in a group where some of the kids are one year older than him, give or take a week or two.....

dreamylady · 21/09/2009 13:40

oh you already know that, right? oops

alypaly · 21/09/2009 13:45

InmyheadIminParis...first of all i would ask the head about the two classes rather than going in headlong.
If they have been assessed,ask how they have been assessed as it is not usual to stream them at this age.

I would ask alot of very open questions and let them do the explaining as you might make them back off and clam up when you really do need to talk.

Unfortunately alot of mums think they have gifted children until they see what the others can do.

IF THEN YOU FEEL BADLY DONE TO THEN STICK TO YOUR GUNS.

mum23monkeys · 21/09/2009 13:48

OP, if your dd was in the R/Yr1 mix class, she might end up with children nearly 2 years older than her. Any half decent teacher can differentiate work for more/less able pupils easily, but it is harder to provide a socially variable environment.

Your dd will only progress well in her academic work if her social needs are met appropriately, this may not be possible if she is not with her peer group.

I would have been delighted if my summer born ds had had the chance to be with a slightly younger group of children in Rec, and he is academically very able.

But by all means go in to see the teacher and chat about your dd.

TheMightyToosh · 21/09/2009 13:49

FWIW Inmyhead - I don't think that wanting to know the ins and outs of your child's education makes you pushy at all. I think it makes you caring, attentive and supportive and I know I will be exactly the same when my DD starts school.

IMO there's nothing wrong with wanting to know that everything is as it should be, and wanting to understand the reasoning behind decisions that are being made on your child's behalf.

I say go, see the teacher, and casually ask them about the criteria for deciding who goes into which class. You could also ask them about how they plan to communicate with you about progress, etc (is it reserved for parents evenings or will you get other reports, etc?), so that you can rest easy that you will get regular updates and can stay in touch with what is happening.

clam · 21/09/2009 13:56

alypaly, what do you mean, "stick to your guns?"

It is not up to the parents which group their child is put in at school. That is the teacher's job, based upon extensive assessment in a wide-ranging series of activities. And also upon a comprehensive knowledge of the other children that no parent will be privy to.

I am at the number of people who still seem to think that they can demand their child is "moved up" - often to satisfy their own desire to be seen as the parent of a bright child.

(Not talking about anyone personally here, just an impression I get from general MN boards and my own school).

pigsinmud · 21/09/2009 14:01

It sounds like a lack of communication between school and parents. They must have known there would be 1.5 classes and that the 0.5 of a class would be with yr1s - it should have been explained before your dd even started.

It really doesn't matter as surely your child progresses at her own natural speed anyway.

alypaly · 21/09/2009 14:04

clam ...it means follow what you believe in....

alypaly · 21/09/2009 14:04

not shoot the teacher

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