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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or just a pushy mum? Advice please!

92 replies

InmyheadIminParis · 21/09/2009 12:22

I've arranged a meeting with my dd's reception class teach this afternoon and I'm now in 16 minds about it. And very nervous . I think I'm going to come across as a very pushy Mum , but I'm worried that if I want to speak up it's now or never.

DD started school 2 weeks ago, but today will only be her 3rd full day. I found out at the weekend that there are two reception classes. 1 is a normal reception class. The other class (which I thought was another normal reception class) is actually half reception and half the year above. It seems that the brighter children are put in this class.

DD has always been bright for her age. She started school with an amazing vocab, writing her name in full and a few other words and reading simple words that she can sound out (cat, dog, sun, etc). The school she's in doesn't have links with the pre-school she went to so the teachers wouldn't have known that she was a bright button.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for her to be moved into the other class? What would you do?

OP posts:
applepudding · 21/09/2009 12:46

I don't think that they would normally separate children on the basis of ability until the school has had time to assess the ability of the children - and this takes more than two weeks part time.

As others have said, it is much more likely that the children who are in the mixed class are the older children.

mumblechum · 21/09/2009 12:47

YABembarrassingly Unreasonable.

Yr dd sounds v. sweet but by no means above average.

BalloonSlayer · 21/09/2009 12:48

Is it just me who is fighting the urge to say: "No, YANBU, and don't just ask for her to be moved up, DEMAND it. The teacher will respect you for it!"

Seriously OP, I don't blame you for wondering or for thinking about asking for her to be moved but for the love of God DON'T.

annh · 21/09/2009 12:50

Is it too late to cancel the meeting?! Seriously, you are going to come across as incredibly pushy and precious. Echoing many other people, how do you know that the other class is "brighter"? We have a 1 1/2 entry school and there is a perception among some mums that the split class contains the brighter children from the lower class - wrong! Some allowance is made for ability but it is also based on mixing ages and sexes and other factors such as number of people with SN in each class. Your dd sounds bright but not overly so - there will be several other children (at least) in her class who are performing at the same level as her and the teacher will set work appropriately. Just give her a chance! We're still in September for heaven's sake!

CyradisTheSeer · 21/09/2009 12:52

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MitchyInge · 21/09/2009 12:53

you are not alone balloonslayer - I cringed

clam · 21/09/2009 12:53

"Pigeon-holed as not being bright?" After 3 days? And, presumably, there might be a maximum of 15 children in the Year 1 class, with 30 in Reception. That hardly puts her at the bottom of the pile.

The more I think about this, the more I would say to cancel this meeting. However you phrase it, it's just going to come across as pushy. The bottom line is, she's done 3 full days in school and you think they've missed how bright she is. How can you dress that up?

mumeeee · 21/09/2009 12:53

YABU and a bit pushy. She'll will have statted to get settled in the class she is in now and would have to start again if she was moved. The other class is probably for the older reception children not brighter ones. Let her just enjoy her first months at school

NaccetyMac · 21/09/2009 12:53

It would be unusual for it to be done on ability. I think it is probably just chat. My DD is in the class above her year - one of 5 moved into Yr. 2 instead of Yr. 1. It was done on a combination of age and sociability. Hasn't stopped one of the other kids' mothers telling everyone it's because her decidedly average DD is smarter than the rest!

I would NEVER ask for DS1 to be in the class above - as a summer baby, it would be far, far too much for him. DD is a September born, so she's virtually the same age as some in the class anyway.

giantkatestacks · 21/09/2009 12:54

Ohh LadyMuck - I dont think my year 1 child is THAT bright - now I feel special and unique.

OP - just dont do it, nor should you march in next month and demand your child is Mary or whatever the biggest part in the Christmas play is - just let the teachers do their thing.

I am another one who wouldnt want their reception age dc in with the year 1s just because socially it would be too difficult and they would come home being enormously cheeky.

TheMightyToosh · 21/09/2009 12:55

Isn't the split class more likely to be based on age? I remember being in an infant class with people who eventually ended up in the year above me, because they were older, but we all started at roughly the same time as the start times were spread over the year.

I would get the facts first before you start questioning what they are doing.

TheMightyToosh · 21/09/2009 12:56

Sorry - just to clarify - I mean that maybe it is just the older half of the younger year that are put in that class, those that started earlier in the year, i.e. those that started before you LO.

clam · 21/09/2009 12:57

Oh, and there will have been liaison between the school and her pre-school nursery. Just you might not have been aware of it.

wannaBe · 21/09/2009 13:01

but even if the op's dd is bright (and where is op btw? ) how can she possibly know that the children in the mixed class aren't brighter than her dd?

colditz · 21/09/2009 13:05

The brighter children are not put in this class, the OLDER, more MATURE children will be put in this class. But rote-taught some CVC words doesn't make her older and more mature, and I hate to pop your bubble but I thought it was pretty standard anyway, as most reception starters I know have at least some grip of simple word structure, and we aren't in a posh area or private school.

If the school have decided she'll benefit from the class she's in, then without knowing anything about it or the other children in it, how can you judge them to be wrong? I'm sure she's a very nice and clever little girl but she doesn't sound abnormally bright to me.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 21/09/2009 13:10

Having been to hang the washing out and give this some thought, surely children of this age are never separated due to ability, when ds went from f1 to f2 all the children were spilt into two classes that were divided equally by sex, age and ability, giving a balance for each class.

slowreadingprogress · 21/09/2009 13:10

wot colditz said

The only thing that would come out of a meeting today with the teacher if you ask about moving your dd 'up' would be that the teacher would peg you as the pushy mother of the current intake. And much hilarity would ensue in the staff room as she regaled her colleagues with the tale of the parent who demanded her child be moved 'up' after a few full days of school. It simply can't go well! Leave it!

jazzandh · 21/09/2009 13:11

What would happen the following year - would your DD remain in that class and another 1/2 reception class be put in with them?

pagwatch · 21/09/2009 13:12

where is the OP
I want to know what is the opening sentence in the 'why is my DD in with all the dimwits?' conversation....

Original poster
InmyheadIminParis · 21/09/2009 13:14

ducks out from behind bomb proof shelter for a second.

All good comments and thanks. I was only going to have a chat with the teacher as I've got some bits and pieces that she asked for to give her. And of course would never 'ask' for her to be moved up but yes, I do want to find out a bit more info. She is a summer baby, so I'm taking on board all the comments about age.

On the other hand, I know there's been no conversation between the school and pre-school as her teacher told me so (different LEA) and she's asked me to bring in her file from the pre-school (which I'm doing this afternoon).

wannaBe I don't know if the other children are less bright - of course not. I only know from what her pre-school teachers and others have said about her (unsolicited comments). It's not in my nature (know you're not going to believe this! ) to be pushy. But I guess like every other parent I'd like to do what's best for my LOs and didn't want to think that I'd sat back and said nothing when perhaps I should have spoken up - that's why I thought I'd sound you all out first.

OP posts:
Doyouthinktheysaurus · 21/09/2009 13:16

Blimey, you sound so pushy...sorry.

DS2 started with the same set up but it was done purely on age. I expect this is the case at your dd's school.

You really need to relax and give your DD a chance to enjoy school.

macdoodle · 21/09/2009 13:17

oh sorry lol so she's 4 right?? One of the youngest in the class?? You are barking and its going to be a long hard school slog for you, if this is how you react now!

RumourOfAHurricane · 21/09/2009 13:17

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SomeGuy · 21/09/2009 13:18

ridiculously pushy.

Do they have a parents' evening this term where you can find this out?

There is a pushy parent in my son's class and she is always causing trouble 'why hasn't my daughter got as many spellings to learn as SG's son?' [correct answer: because she's not getting the ones she's been given right], 'why isn't my daughter in the school concert?' [because NOBODY in her year is] 'why did you shout at my daughter' [because she was being disruptive I guess]. She hasn't made herself very popular.....

Sassybeast · 21/09/2009 13:21

YABU. She is in reception, not Oxbridge The spliting will probably be based on age, alphabetical order, geography, who can wipe their own bum. How on earth do you imagine that they would split children based on academic ability on the day they start school ? Assuming that they didn't do an entrance exam ? Chill a little.