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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some schools take things too far!

131 replies

lisad123 · 03/06/2009 20:06

I had asked permission to dd1 out of school for 2 weeks in few weeks times. You have to fill a form in and say why you want holiday. I explained clearly on the form dh has cancer macmillian have paid for a holiday, but needs to fit in with his appointments. This was the 2 weeks that solted in well, was within the funds macmillian had given us.

Well was told it was unlikely, so was surprised when called into heads office, to discuss.

They wanted to tell me no! why the hell didnt they just to me instead of dragging me in to tell me that?? They said they understood it was a difficult time for us, but it was unacceptable to ask for time off especially as we have only just returned from half term. I did explain that dh was having appointments over half term, but she just looked at me!! I prompely left in tear I feel like im the worse parent ever for wanting a break from it all!

I mean even the days and weeks after diagnosis dd1 was in school every day!

I know I discussed this slightly on another thread, but cant believe she dragged me in!! Am I just being an over emotional wreak?? would you deny me some time out??

OP posts:
liahgen · 03/06/2009 20:08

bloody hell, I'm sorry you're going through this

Tbh, I'd just take the time anyway.

Nahui · 03/06/2009 20:09

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Nahui · 03/06/2009 20:09

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Unicornvomit · 03/06/2009 20:11

appeal to to the governeres

don't you have up to 10 discretionary days that can be granted??

bogwobbit · 03/06/2009 20:11

Sounds very unreasonable and heartless of her. What can be more important to your dd than going on a holiday with her sick dad - I'm assuming that your dd is not going through important exams or anything like that.
I would just take the time anyway too.

clam · 03/06/2009 20:12

Am on your behalf. How dare they? They're not God. Or the police. It's not illegal to take your child out of school (yet), and you above all others, have mitigating circumstances.
You don't need their permission, or their blessing. Tell them fuck --off- and go anyway.

so sorry they upset you at such a difficult time. Wonder how that cow Head Teacher sleeps at night?

barnsleybelle · 03/06/2009 20:13

I think this is disgraceful, utterly disgraceful and i must admit it's made me feel very sad. How can they do this to you, to say no is cruel and insensitive.

Can you not appeal? If i were you i would take her out anyway, call her in sick and bugger the consequences when you get back. Your family time is precious, particularly at this time.

Could you get a letter from dh's macmillan nurse, or oncologist/haematologist to form a basis of your appeal?

LovelyTinOfSpam · 03/06/2009 20:13

Wow. That is truly appalling.

I am speechless.

for you on all fronts.

What are you going to do?

DD not at school yet but aren't governers of something the people to talk to?

Although you don't want the hassle I'm sure.

Unbelievable.

nannyL · 03/06/2009 20:13

OMG

your DH has cancer and they wont allow you to take a faqmily holiday with your child

that is outragouse

yes definitley appeal or whatever or book it and go anyway...

i cant believe anyone could be so insensitve

nancy75 · 03/06/2009 20:14

i would just take her anyway, i dont know how old your dcs are but as long as they are not due to be doing their gcses or something i cant really see the harm. with your dh being unwell and in & out of hospital i can only think that a hloiday all together would do you and your dcs good.

dilemma456 · 03/06/2009 20:14

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LadyGlencoraPalliser · 03/06/2009 20:14

Just go. It will go down as unauthorised absence but so what. Even if the education welfare officer picks up on it (which is unlikely) they wouldn't dare take it any further in the circumstances.
She sounds like a complete cow.

psychomum5 · 03/06/2009 20:14

how DARE they!

this is bang out of order. tis not like she is in the middle of exams is it!!

go to the goveners, or maybe the LEA. you have a damn good reason for the rules to be bent, IMVHO.

ChippingIn · 03/06/2009 20:15

Bloody hell. The utter stupidity of some people. If it had been me I'd of told her to stop being so fucking pathetic and that I was taking DD1 out of school and she could feel free to take it further if she wanted to. I doubt any of the authorities would back her up and if they did, I'd be homeschooling.

You really don't need this shit right now.

I hope your DH is responding well to treatment x

herladyship · 03/06/2009 20:15

you can take your child out without permission, but it will go down as an unauthorised absence.. unless she is in her gcse years that won't matter to her, but it will look bad on the schools record..

i can't beleive anyone would be so heartless and unsupportive of you the headteacher should be ashamed!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 03/06/2009 20:15

YANBU-

Personally I would just acrry on and go (and more importantly enjoy your time together as a family). That is much more important for your dd now than any schooling she will get in those 2 weeks.

Worst case scenario what would happen ?a visit from the council???? tbh I think any reasonable person would excuse a termtime holiday in the circumstances.

Thunderduck · 03/06/2009 20:15

YANBU. I'd take her out of school for it anyway.

juuule · 03/06/2009 20:15

Just take the time anyway. Unbelievable. As you say, some take things too far.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 03/06/2009 20:17

I am so on your behalf I think that is totally outrageous and I would tell them you are taking her out of school or as someone else said call her in sick. Whichever way you make sure you and your family go anyway and enjoy a fmaily holiday you need and deserve it.

Hassled · 03/06/2009 20:17

As a governor I can tell you that while unauthorised absence looks bad for the school (LEA sets targets, Ofsted looks at this stuff etc), it won't make one iota of difference to you. So just don't think about it anymore - go anyway. If you did it several times a year, or there were a lot of other absences then you'd start getting the equivalent of Truancy Officers round, but thta won't happen with one case of 10 school days. So just go, and have a great time.

mum23monkeys · 03/06/2009 20:18

Just go. You really need a holiday.

What's the worst the school can do? Mark your dd down as having 10 days unauthorised absence. That has no impact on you (beyond the 2 weeks you get into a slightly sticky area as the council can stop funding your child's place for extended unauthorised absences). The school will not be keen though as unauthorised absences show up negatively on their stats when they get published and compared at the end of the year.

I think the head is being incredibly mean spirited, and I would be tempted to phone the education dept of your council and have a word about the situation. Your dd's pastoral care needs are clearly not being met by such a decision.

And well done to Macmillan. They are a fabulous charity and providing family holidays for people in your situation is a really really worthwhile thing to do.

Original poster
lisad123 · 03/06/2009 20:18

sorry yes she's 6 years old

OP posts:
LovelyTinOfSpam · 03/06/2009 20:18

Why not write to them with your circumstances and say that you want confirmation from them in writing that they are refusing the leave and for them to put their reasons.

That should put the wind up them.

Then copy the letters to the governers and LEA.

Not something you should have to be doing though

What a bitch.

josette · 03/06/2009 20:18

As a teacher I find this a hideous, uncaring, by-the-letter reaction by the school. Just go...sod the Head.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 03/06/2009 20:19

YANBU that is terrible to disallow that. How ridiculous. Your daughter isn't even that old.