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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some schools take things too far!

131 replies

lisad123 · 03/06/2009 20:06

I had asked permission to dd1 out of school for 2 weeks in few weeks times. You have to fill a form in and say why you want holiday. I explained clearly on the form dh has cancer macmillian have paid for a holiday, but needs to fit in with his appointments. This was the 2 weeks that solted in well, was within the funds macmillian had given us.

Well was told it was unlikely, so was surprised when called into heads office, to discuss.

They wanted to tell me no! why the hell didnt they just to me instead of dragging me in to tell me that?? They said they understood it was a difficult time for us, but it was unacceptable to ask for time off especially as we have only just returned from half term. I did explain that dh was having appointments over half term, but she just looked at me!! I prompely left in tear I feel like im the worse parent ever for wanting a break from it all!

I mean even the days and weeks after diagnosis dd1 was in school every day!

I know I discussed this slightly on another thread, but cant believe she dragged me in!! Am I just being an over emotional wreak?? would you deny me some time out??

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 06/06/2009 09:09

The Head can't do anything-it just goes down as an unauthorised absence. Even if you did have to pay a fine it would be worth it.

Original poster
lisad123 · 06/06/2009 10:48

how much would the fine be?

OP posts:
Phoenix4725 · 06/06/2009 12:10

the fine s 50 quid each parent but its last resort and its ewo that imposes it not ht .Know this as were taking dd also age 6 out against Ht wishes for simlar grounds as you .mind ds 12 school are fine with it

But i phoned ewo myself and there like no we would not fine you in thos ecircumstances

go enjoy the holiday and have a great time , life os far to precious let miserable old bad spoil it

piscesmoon · 06/06/2009 13:53

I don't think that many places give fines, it is a very new idea and I can't see it happening in your circumstances anyway. It isn't much because people still find it cheaper to pay the fine and go.
An unauthorised absence is pretty meaningless to your DC, especially her general attendance is good.
I would just go, any person with an ounce of compassion would authorise it.
I would just write to the Head, copy to the governors, and say that you are sorry that she feels that she can't authorise it but you feel that a holiday is in the best interests of your DC and she will be out of school from x to x.

NooNoo5 · 06/06/2009 21:20

I know you've got your hands full at the moment but can;t belive chool has taken such a hard line. I thought that schools can give up to a max of 10 discretionary days??. Just check with your council. If you've got too much on I'd be happy to find out for you. Just let me know the name of your council and school and I WILL CALL them to find out the policy. You all deserve a break. My friend is battling breast cancer and she's been given funds to go on holiday, she applied for 5 additional discretionary days.

growingup · 07/06/2009 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MetalMummy · 07/06/2009 08:44

What a b!!!!
My DD is 8 and is in Ibiza at the moment with her grandparents, She went back to school after halfterm for 4 days and then went to Ibiza on Friday. I did fill in a holiday form but even if the school had said no I wouldn't of stopped her from going. If a childs attendance is good I really can't see the problem, and even if your DDs attendance wasn't good any normal person would see that there are extenuating circumstances here.

piscesmoon · 07/06/2009 09:33

School used to give up to 10 days NooNoo, but many LEAs have stopped it. All schools in my LEA got a letter that they passed onto parents telling them they would no longer be entitled to it. However schools would grant it in circumstances such as Lisa's. People still go; for a start not every job is flexible enough to give parents holidays in the school holidays,e.g. farming children have to go at a slack time on the farm-they can't go in the middle of harvest.

orangehead · 07/06/2009 10:04

So glad you are going to go Lisa. I am disgusted at the heads attitude.
Hope you have a lovely time and your DH is responding well

alicecrail · 07/06/2009 10:16

My mother and sister are constantly taking their kids out of school to go to butlins/havern etc in term time because it is cheaper, and nothing ever gets said to them. Their children are 6 and 7. They tell the school that they are ill, and have to get the kids to lie when they get back which i think is shocking.

I think you should go anyway. You have gone down the official route, the Head Teacher is an unfeeling cow and you have good reason to want/need a holiday.

Have fun

onagar · 07/06/2009 11:34

I'd go anyway. No way would I let that stop me under the circumstances. The head teacher should be ashamed.

katiestar · 07/06/2009 11:36

Metalmummy- the school can only grant time off for Parental holiday so I am surorised they authorised your DD's absence.

In the OPs circumstance the school have behaved appallingly.they have taken the shine off what is a wonderful gift to you and your family.
I would write to McMillan and your DH's consultant and your GP (Copying the letter to the HT of course)
Maybe even contact the local paper

Bonneville · 07/06/2009 11:42

YANBU Normally I am totally against term-time holidays but this is exceptional. You should go.

appleeater · 07/06/2009 12:14

YANBU. Go. The only thing that will happen is that it will be an unauthorised absence (which might piss the head off-an added bonus!)
Oh and the other thing that will happen is that you will get to have a family holiday, away from the stresses of everyday life at a time when you really need it.
I agree with katiestar - write to governors explaining why you will be going and copy it to as many people as you can.
What a heartless cow the HT is.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 07/06/2009 12:41

Lisa - I'm an attendance officer in primary and fwiw I wouldn't have any problem in you going. In fact I'd probably be helping you pack.

The head can authorise in exceptional circumstances and yours are just the sort thing they mean. I would certainly go with a clear conscience and write to the Governors as suggested.

A couple of posters have mentioned that high unauthorised absence is bad for schools - that's actually not correct anymore. ANY absence is now questioned and the DCFS have acknowledged that whilst schools are coming down hard on all absence then unauthorised figures will naturally rise.

Lisa - go - have a fab time; you deserve it.

bumpsoon · 07/06/2009 12:42

Go to your local paper ,explain the situation to them ,they will love this story , and the head will get into trouble big time when some bigwig from the LEA is asked to comment
really hope you have a lovely holiday and your husband responds well to any treatment he gets

Original poster
lisad123 · 09/06/2009 20:47

thanks for support girls. I have let Tanisha's teacher know we are going anyways, and will def write a letter to governors. We dont have a PTA, and im not feeling strong enough to go papers.

Only problem is Darren is sick, so not sure we will be leaving on the day we were meant to, unless he gets better asap

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 09/06/2009 21:14

Lisa, I hope Darren is feeling better soon. Will the holiday place let you change your dates? Can you change them to his next break in treatment maybe? My thoughts are with you x

Original poster
lisad123 · 09/06/2009 21:17

no cant change dates, Im sure we will get there. Im driving so even if he just sits on the deck or by the pool
I know where hospital is if needed

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123 · 10/06/2009 23:23

Does this sound too harsh???

Thank you for taking the time to meet with me last week, regarding my holiday request form for Tanisha.
I have given this much thought, and while I understand you will not be authorising this holiday, I will be taking Tanisha out of school from 15th June 2009 and she will return on the 30th June 2009.

I do find you to be most unreasonable it what I consider to a be reasonable request. As I stated in the request form, Tanisha?s dad is currently battling cancer and this has come at a great shock to us, as he was only had a diagnosis in March 2009. We have had to plan our holiday around my husbands care and treatment and this holiday was funded by a Macmillian grant. So while I understand your comments that we just returned from half term, I did clearly explain that my husband was receiving treatment during this time. I find it difficult to understand how you can refuse a much needed family holiday in these circumstances and would have thought that your pupils pastoral care is just as important as their formal education.
Please also note that Tanisha?s attendance has been 100% even in these very difficult times.

I have also sent a copy of this letter to the governors of the school, so that they are aware of the harsh line you are taking on term time holiday even with exceptional circumstances.

Yours Sincerely

OP posts:
Poppity · 10/06/2009 23:32

Not, not harsh. Sounds clear, polite and to the point to me.

Hope you get away and have a lovely time.

Original poster
lisad123 · 10/06/2009 23:38

well its printed now so fingers crossed

OP posts:
chegirl · 10/06/2009 23:49

Good luck.

I am furious that you are having to deal with this uneccessary stress.

Have a wonderful holiday.

Karma is a bitch - that fecker will get what is coming to him.

NeedaNewName · 10/06/2009 23:56

Well done Lisa - silly bitch of a head!

Let us know what happens next and most of all enjoy your holiday, sounds like you all deserve it.

letsgostrawberrypicking · 11/06/2009 00:21

DH has been battling cancer too and last year I asked if dcs would be allowed total of 5 days off either side of school hols to go abroad and it was granted. DD is 16 and mid GCSE and the head states at the beginning of term NO-ONE will be allowed holidays in school time, and even HE granted the leave (through gritted teeth I could tell )

Your Head just sounds like an eejit poor you

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