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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some schools take things too far!

131 replies

lisad123 · 03/06/2009 20:06

I had asked permission to dd1 out of school for 2 weeks in few weeks times. You have to fill a form in and say why you want holiday. I explained clearly on the form dh has cancer macmillian have paid for a holiday, but needs to fit in with his appointments. This was the 2 weeks that solted in well, was within the funds macmillian had given us.

Well was told it was unlikely, so was surprised when called into heads office, to discuss.

They wanted to tell me no! why the hell didnt they just to me instead of dragging me in to tell me that?? They said they understood it was a difficult time for us, but it was unacceptable to ask for time off especially as we have only just returned from half term. I did explain that dh was having appointments over half term, but she just looked at me!! I prompely left in tear I feel like im the worse parent ever for wanting a break from it all!

I mean even the days and weeks after diagnosis dd1 was in school every day!

I know I discussed this slightly on another thread, but cant believe she dragged me in!! Am I just being an over emotional wreak?? would you deny me some time out??

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 04/06/2009 09:37

She's 6!

I r ead the first dozen or so posts, assumed from the headteacher's attitude that she must have been 15 or something.

What a ridiculous line to take. What such an unempathetic person is doing being a teacher is beyond me.

Take her on holiday and enjoy yourself, I would contact your local paper and write a letter, but I can imagine that is the last thing you want to bother about.

TheCrackFox · 04/06/2009 09:45

Just go.

Tell bitch face that if you get any more crap from her you will go to the local press. I would also ask her how she manages to sleep at night.

reach4sky · 04/06/2009 09:48

God, that is really stomach churning. I had a friend whose Reception child lost their place after they were refused permission for two week's absence to go to South Africa with their parents (Dad is a Vicar) to do charity work at an orphanage for AIDS victims and they went anwyay.

Tee2072 · 04/06/2009 09:54

I don't get this, maybe because I'm an Ex-Pat American living over here.

Why do you even need to ask and get the school's permission? In the US, we'd just say 'DC not going to be in school x date to y date. See ya!'

Maybe not quite that casually, but certainly wouldn't ask if it was okay!

So can someone explain this to me?

And to the OP: go! Have fun!

NameChaaanger · 04/06/2009 09:58

What a jobsworth!
Agree with LTOS's idea - ask them to confirm their refusal in writing - if they do, go to the papers.
Hope you all have a relaxing family holiday.

SparklyGothKat · 04/06/2009 10:02

I know Lisa and I know she will take Dd1 anyway stupid witch should concentrate on the pupils who are regularly off school..

goldrock · 04/06/2009 10:04

I don't agree with taking children out of school in term time and have just read the other thread about someone wanting to take their children to Chessington and being refused permission and thought they WBU. BUT in your case I absolutely think you have a case and maybe the posters on the other thread should come over here and count their blessings.

Tidey · 04/06/2009 10:06

She sounds like a total cow. I hope your DH is feeling better very soon and that you all have a fab holiday.

Stigaloid · 04/06/2009 10:12

Write to the governors and explain the situation. Appeal and put clearly how upset you were made to feel by the head teacher for not grasping that this is a situation beyond your control. Utterly heartless of her. Go - enjoy and i truly hope that your husband responds to treatment and gets well soon.

Gorionine · 04/06/2009 10:26

Lisa, I was on your other thread, I just cannot get over the fact that they would refuse that to you!

Please, as other have said, do appeal to the governors/LEA. The HT in your school needs to serious rethink her priorities. If she cannot see that this break will benefit your DD and entire family she is really not as very good HT!
I am thinking that if some schools can give up to 10 days permission, it has to be a LEA/council/governemnt policy to allow it! How does it work in other school from the same council where you are Lisa? if other schools in your area allow it, I would take things (official) as far as I can and if hitting a brick wall I would go anyway.What s the worst that can happen? This situation is ridiculous! I would not have thought about going to the pares, but it might help.

I sincerly wish for your husband to get better and all the best to all your family!

Litchick · 04/06/2009 10:27

I would not ask, I would tell the school you are going.
This kind of jobsworth shouldn't be a HT.
Box ticking and form filling does m=not make a good leader.

weebob · 04/06/2009 10:32

GO!!!!!

Take your family on holiday. Family is far more important than 2 weeks of school, especially when she's only 6.

You have a bloody good reason and don't let them tell you what to do xx

ThingOne · 04/06/2009 10:39

Lisa, I'm shocked at this response.

I do think you should write to her and ask her to put her reasons in writing. I would also seek support from the parent governors. Whatever the attendance problems at the school, your situation is clearly exceptional.

I'm glad you are going to take it anyway. I've been in a similar situation, having been ill for two years. In that time we've been away for two long weekends and a visit to my mum. Had my DS1's primary school refused my request for a week off later this month (we couldn't go away at half term for DH's work reasons, and at the time of booking I thought I'd been having surgery in July) I would have gone anyway and kicked up an enormous stink. But they have been reasonable, and another ill mother has been allowed to take her boy out for a week too.

My DS1 is five but I honestly cannot see what problem it can cause a child who is "miles ahead" like yours to miss two weeks. It's all about the school's statistics which is a shockingly inhuman way to behave. Can you get a letter from your religious leader to support you?

Nahui · 04/06/2009 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GrapefruitMoon · 04/06/2009 11:15

But it is a black mark against the school too if they have a lot of unauthorised absence, isn't it? So why would they risk this rather than granting authorised absence??

Gorionine · 04/06/2009 11:27

Nahui You are right, but Lisa's circumstances are exeptional! I do think the HT is only looking at how the attendence in her school looks without actually any consideration for what the best for this particular 6yo child! It is heartless as there really,in this instance, should be room for "compassionate leave".

Original poster
lisad123 · 04/06/2009 12:24

Thanks, i think i will put it in writing, im sure if im emotionally strong enough atm, to say it too her face
How do i get hold of PTA? Governers?

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 04/06/2009 12:51

lisa I have just read this thread. for you. I'm another "no holidays in school time" fanatic - however like everyone else in the same camp as me believe this is exceptional circumstances where permission should be granted without so much of a blink of an eye.

seeker · 04/06/2009 12:59

Lisa, the school's website will have contact details for the Chair of Governors. Don't bother with the PTA - they are not involved in this sort of day to day running of the school. The Governors job is sometimes to challenge the Headteacher on his decisions - that's why they are there!

FabulousBakerGirl · 04/06/2009 13:06

onebat excellent letter.

lisa I woulkd do the letter now before you go.

I am fairly sure you don't live near me but it sounds just like our Head. She refused a 100% attandance certificate for my 5 year old because she was one hour late for school after a hospital appointment. I had informed the school too. I made a fuss and got my girl her certificate.

Original poster
lisad123 · 04/06/2009 13:30

im in herts

OP posts:
ZZZen · 04/06/2009 13:45

unbelievable.

I would most definitely go on the holiday.So sorry for you that you got such a heartless response at a time like this.

Poppity · 05/06/2009 14:35

It's probably been said, but it's only the school's figures that are affected, it shouldn't have any affect on your dc.

Our school did this to us, when I picked up the letter from the office which said we couldn't go I just laughed and said 'you do know we're going anyway don't you?'. The secretary was actually very apologetic and said of course

nettie · 05/06/2009 14:52

Lisa, just drop a letter into school addressed to chair of governors or you could give it to one of the parent governors to pass on, they could also raise the matter in governors meeting if you wished.

Head teacher sounds a copmplete cow

Hope you enjoy your holiday

BoffinMum · 05/06/2009 17:53

You can de-register your child from school if you like, and then immediately reapply with the Local Authority for a place at the school from the date you get back. It's petty, but there would be nothing the head could do. However like someone else said, there's a small risk of losing the place.