DH using his phone when driving FFS

[Yourestressedagain]

Ive said multiple times to my DH that he should not be using his phone when driving. Repeatedly I have said this. He says he’s just changing a song or whatever and I get really annoyed with him. I’ve said he could kill someone and he needs to pack it in.

Today he rang me very distressed saying he was “changing a song” on his phone on a dual carriageway and a man in the passenger seat of the car next to him was recording him and shaking his head.

I was mortified and said that it’s totally irresponsible and I’ve told him for years to stop it. I don’t even let our child get in the car with him on his own if I can help it.

he was crying and said he’ll be reported to the police. I’ve no sympathy but worried that the police with knock at our door?? What’s the likelihood of this? I’m annoyed that he’s continually broken the law, got caught and now put out family in a position where he could be arrested at our house.

he’s moping and not talking to me now. Aibu to have been so unsupportive of him?

Changing a song? So picking up the phone, opening it, scrolling through the tracks to find the right one? Why does he even think that’s a defence? It’s hardly an uninvolved thing to do.

(Not that anything would be ok, but he’s using “just” as if to say that what he’s doing isn’t that much)

I saw a news report at the weekend of a police force who use a police driver in a lorry with a passenger filming people, then letting officers in a police car know and they pull them over. Hopefully they catch a lot of people like your husband.

I flick through songs using the button on my steering wheel. I don’t even have to move my hand, just my thumb.

I assume OP’s DH is using his phone to select a specific song - my steering wheel will only go forwards and backwards through a playlist.

What I find baffling in cars is the ones with the screens which show texts that come in to your phone. How is that allowed?

I’m sure you can upload videos to police website
i wouldn’t even engage with him over it just tell him he’s done it and will have to face the consequences
there could be a VERY long wait with this though

Serves him right. It's doubtful you'll get an officer on the doorstep with an arrest warrant for this but hopefully he'll get a fine and points to teach him a lesson. He should think himself lucky it's not a jail sentence for killing someone.

If he doesn't have the ability to Bluetooth to his car's system and not touch the phone, then he should make do with the car radio. There's no excuse nowadays for using a phone and you can't assume that police officers will be in uniform and in a marked car. When they're on a lookout for phone users, they often ride in lorries for a good view, or could be a passenger in a neighbouring car.

Show him this -

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-37823457?app-referrer=deep-link

No sympathy for your DH. He doesn't need support he needs chastising. We see them on the motorway swerving while texting and DH always says "he's on his phone". 9/10 times he's right, the others are merely drunk.

Just FYI, your husband is deeply, and I mean DEEPLY unattractive. Crying. Gaslighting. DARVO-ing. Gross.

Why do men do this _ their wives tell them something's dangerous, don't do it, but they think you're being silly and fussy and they'll be fine. Well it's not fine now apart from the fine he'll get from the police.

Indeed. Very distracting and I've switched all mine off - no texts, no messages, no phone calls. I do like my phone to be connected sometimes to listen to my own music rather than the radio, or to podcasts. I pick one and start it going before I move off. DH likes his phone to be connected so that he can use google maps rather than the built-in satnav.

There is lots of other distracting stuff in a modern car too - messages popping up that take my eyes off the road but are mostly not needed or just plain wrong, e.g. "Are you driving in the right direction?" when it's spotted a no-entry sign angled across a side street that I'm passing.

I didn’t say he needed to change a track while driving. A number of posters seems to think that it’s the norm to be able to control their music while driving using buttons on the steering wheel or a touch screen on the central console, and I was pointing out that many people don’t have cars with these facilities and still have to plug their phones in with a usb lead.

I bet he carries on doing it once the shock of this wears off.

I hate dh’s car: it has a massive dashboard display - texts, phone calls, Spotify library… I can’t fathom why it is legal. So dh says he’s not using his phone - but he’s prodding away at this screen the size of a large shoebox.

He will get 6 points and a fine
His insurance will go up for 5 years
I would ban these scum from driving personally

This. I would never let him.drive me or my child. He is an idiot. As for not talking to u, bet this is not a punishment as far as you are concerned! Let him.sweat

MyJoyousPeachTiger

Some cars it’s not set out as well so it’s not a case that the list of songs are up on the screen easily, my old car had everything up on the screen so was the same as using the radio, my ‘new’ car is a lot more basic.

Why does he think he is above the law or that his choice of music is more important than the safety of other road users. I hope they throw the book at him. Maybe then he might learn. I suspect there is more to the story for someone in another car to notice him 'changing songs'. I suspect he is more worried about a dangerous driving charge.

So then you listen to what is playing. You don't switch songs using your phone.

I don’t understand anyone who uses their phone handheld in a car. A phone mount / holder is so cheap to buy, and makes it legal to operate the phone if needed (as it’s no different than touching one of the (many) fixed screens in a modern car).
Anyone using their phone handheld deserves the £200 / 6 points!

I’m perfectly happy to listen to a music radio station of my choice while driving.

He'll get a letter through the post, a knock at the door is very unlikely, but maybe this is the wake-up he needed.

Yeah i was also coming to say he should grow up and listen to the radio.

I would imagine it depends if the passenger also got a note of the numberplate.

I hope he gets prosecuted, idiots like him should be banned from driving for 5 years minimum.

He was crying? Because he may get a knock by the police?

Your husband as you know is self-centred and doesn't care about anyone than himself. They'll lock him up if he kills someone. Maybe then he'll see that you were right...

So.........

Firstly what is the impact of him losing his licence likley to be? Clearly it could wreck the family finances if he loses his job as a result if a driving ban.

Secondly using a phone when driving is about as dangerous as drink driving so there is a child protection issue. Basically he needs to be banned by you from driving our child and I suggest that you should not travel with him as a passenger for your own safety.

I suggest that both of these issues are so serious that you need to consider the future of your relationship

If he's crying because of this he needs to get some real problems in his life.

The person who filmed him may turn him in, and may not.

But anyhow he shouldn't be using his phone while driving. The penalties are increasing and the detection methods are getting better (cameras).

I get sick of seeing people driving around with a phone in their hand. It's completely unnecessary.