Dd saying she hates me and wants a different mum

[Mayajamascheekbones]

Dd keeps saying things like this at the moment when she's angry

Today's scenario:

She had a snack in the car after school, came home and I was putting the dinner out (we have it early on weekdays when we're home after school)
She started to look in cupboards asking where the chocolate spread was. I was telling her we weren't having that as I was putting out the dinner now. She started to shout that she was making a sandwich to have after dinner. I said again how it had been put away and we were having dinner.
She exploded, shouting how she said she was making it for after dinner and how she hated me, she wanted a different mum and so on.
I've just come upstairs because i'm so sick of it
Please any advice how to deal with it and whether this is normal?

She's just turned 9

Thank you

Yeah, sometimes they’re arses. One of mine is like the antichrist if he gets hungry. Snacks in the glovebox?

Sorry BIGGER snacks in the glove box? I found spicy/sour things really helped distract them.

I am sure she doesn't mean it. Agree on a tasty titbit to have prior to dinner while you are making it

I wouldn't say it's normal but it's not unusual. That said, I wouldn't tolerate it. The rare times my two blew up like that I let them know very clearly I wasn't putting up with it and there were consequences - losing something they wanted, for example. When they were calm I told them that everyone gets upset at times but shouting and being nasty are never allowed - they can just tell me they feel angry and take themselves off to calm down. Then, later, if they still feel bad we can talk about it.

Everyone has their moments, what's important is how you teach them to deal with it.

Mine gets a small packet of crisps such as quavers when gets in, or similar. My rule is one light snack allowed before early dinners, then they can have a dessert/supper later if wanted. YANBU op, that was bad behaviour and not okay. I hope you have told your dd that it isn't okay to talk to you, or anybody that way, and she won't be getting chocolate spread at all if ever does it again, and ask for an apology too. If she apologises I'd let her have the chocolate spread after dinner, if still disrespecting you than no chocolate spread at all.

😂 that made me laugh. Sounds like my youngest although getting better as getting older thankfully.

One of mine was a right arsehole when hangry. A banana in addition to the usual after-school snacks mostly worked.

Shouting and being horrible to your family isn't tolerated in my house. Being hungry is not a reasonable justification. She needs consequences and a serious discussion about how she conducts herself before this nasty attitude gets way out of control.

Don't sweat it, i said that at least once a day when I was that age and beyond.

I just respond with a variation on "thanks babe, love you too!"

Some of your standards are incredibly low. Forget you going upstairs. She would have been up there for the night.

I shove an apple in their mouths the second they leave school. They're like the bloody snickers advert.

That said, that behaviour would have serious consequences in my house. We don't talk to people like that.

I wouldn't be removing myself, she would have been removed promptly though.

Spot on.

Hell would freeze over before I went upstairs to get away from a 9 year old having a spiteful episode.

They would be sent to their room immediately.

She had a snack in the car, wasn't actually hungry, just wanted the chocolate spread, which she wasn't allowed.

I have, on such occasions, told my kids to take it up with social services and see how far they get.

Some kids have no dinner on the table.

Yeah, I don't do this game with my kids. Until I received a proper apology and sincere chat about why it's a mean thing to say, she would not get to eat any food I provided, or entertainment from any device I pay for. She can have water, her bed and her thoughts.

In this life, throwing a hangry tantrum and saying hurtful things will never work in her favour. Show her how serious her words are with your response.

Screaming at me gets zero response. I’ll make a cup of tea and sit down with my book until the conversation is polite. We also banned the words hate and idiot in our house when aimed at a person (the exclusion added a few years into that rule’s introduction being Donald Trump). (House with 3 teenage girls).

If she's throwing mad fits over chocolate spread, I would never buy that shit again. That behaviour is totally unacceptable and there would be consequences.

Keep some healthy snacks around.

Shouting is not right, boundaries for her to express her feelings. Otherwise she will continue to do this and it will cause issues long term.

Mine at that age would also have been upstairs pdq and told that I would not be buying any more chocolate spread until they had learned better manners.

“Tough, you’re stuck with me, that’s not how life works” then ignore all further nonsense.

My answer would have been "good luck finding her...". Then ignore happily doing other things. Won't be bullied by a 9 yo.

I would be incredibly hurt if any of my children said that to me. I have 3 between 10 and 15 and none have ever said anything along those lines. Once she has calmed down I would have a conversation about how that made you feel, how she could handle the situation and if it happens again then there will be consequences.

How did you respond? I understand she might be hungry and grouchy but that doens't excuse her rudeness and disrespect.