Dd saying she hates me and wants a different mum

[Mayajamascheekbones]

Dd keeps saying things like this at the moment when she's angry

Today's scenario:

She had a snack in the car after school, came home and I was putting the dinner out (we have it early on weekdays when we're home after school)
She started to look in cupboards asking where the chocolate spread was. I was telling her we weren't having that as I was putting out the dinner now. She started to shout that she was making a sandwich to have after dinner. I said again how it had been put away and we were having dinner.
She exploded, shouting how she said she was making it for after dinner and how she hated me, she wanted a different mum and so on.
I've just come upstairs because i'm so sick of it
Please any advice how to deal with it and whether this is normal?

She's just turned 9

Thank you

Throw out the choc spread.
Wait for the behaviour in a few more years!
If she wants to scream or throw a tantrum..go to her room.
Have her stay away for a weekend to get some space and let her see its not all that much better elsewhere.
Brat.

"That's a shame because I love you"

Then when she's calmed down, have a chat about how words can hurt and being told you're hated is actually very upsetting and how would she feel if you said that to her occasionally?
I think it's a good way to teach kids empathy and to be more conscious of what they say to others.

However I would let her have the chocolate spread also, I really don't think that's crime of the century.

No it’s not normal. It’s rude and nasty and she probably does it because she can get away with it. What are the consequences of this kind of behaviour? Do you have a partner? My dh would be very upset if our 6 year old spoke like that and there would be some kind of consequence even at that age.

This kind of gentle crap is probably why she’s doing it.

This thread has gone waaaay over your head if you think the sandwich is the problem...

My parents were loving and caring (not abusive) but they ruled the roost at home when we were kids. You ate what was cooked for you, you didn’t eat between meals (without explicit permission), the cupboard contents were supervised by my mum, they weren’t there for the taking. We didn’t question it because it was how the house operated. As we got older (teens) kitchen rules started to relax.

DD7 has said this kind of thing to me when she's really upset. So I don't take it personally. She's struggling in the moment and lashing out. When calmer and we've reconnected I would gently explain that it's not ok to be unkind to mummy.

Oh, I shouted that sort of stuff a lot. I was a very angry 9-year-old, mainly towards my mum (who I have always adored).

Turns out I'm neurodivergent and I wasn't capable of regulating my emotions.

I cope much better now because I know I overreact and have a natural instinct to lash out like an injured animal if I'm hurt or frustrated. Understanding it's not a proportionate reaction lets me control my response better and generally be a nicer human. I can now force myself to pause, sit with a feeling and ask myself how someone else would behave in a given scenario.

I'm not saying every kid is ND, just that it's possible for a child to scream the most devastating things because you are the one person they have complete faith in to keep loving them. It's a really shitty compliment.

Are you really as pink and fluffy as that?
When the child is kicking off?
I can imagine my mums response to the situation and it would not be in any way similar to yours. 😀

Exactly this LatteLady.
I started my periods at 9 years old. What a shock to the system that was.

This. Fgs. Some people….boundaries and no child gets to speak to me like that.

Yeah my 5 year old hates our home and wants to be somewhere else because his 2yo brother had a lollypop while he was at school.

These sort of threads always feel a bit sinister to me with some posters seeming to enjoy posting harsh punishments for children.

The majority of posters are saying that some punishment is needed. Some are reflecting on the punishments that their own parents meted out.

People are different.
But sometimes you have to be the mature adult parent......

When you say recently, has she started her period?