To stop teen son sleep calling

[Om83]

My teen son has had a girlfriend for 6 months, first serious girlfriend, he is properly loved up. He is allowed is phone over night as is an older teen. I have found out they are ‘sleep calling’ so they stay on a call all night while the other sleeps, the phone screen is off but call still connected. They fall asleep together and then it’s just on til the morning.

I don’t like it, I think he needs some time to himself without always being ‘connected’, he needs some time to process his thoughts and has exams this year. He said it doesn’t affect him as he sleeps soundly, they do not stay up late much past 11 and is not self conscious of it.

He said he is indifferent to it as it as makes no difference to him but she wants to and it makes her more comfortable so is happy to oblige, however he bought out the emotional blackmail that if i do take his phone away and it creates any distance between them then he will hate me for it as he doesn’t want to risk screwing anything up with her.

yes - you are being unreasonable as it’s young teenage love, leave them be

no - you are not being unreasonable to think it’s weird and needy (and a fire risk from overheating??!) and take his phone away at night?

You're absolutely right, and I assume the phone is on charge all night, potentially going under pillows or the duvet? Making it absolutely a fire risk.

This is definitely a thing. I used to try to make mine stop but gave up in the end.

Awh, young love.

But no, you are not being unreasonable. Teenagers can be ridiculous.

How old is he? If he's over 16, you probably can't walk back your earlier decision of letting him have his phone overnight. Probably worth thinking about the fire risk.

Ah it’s young love, people do daft things. Let them enjoy it if they’re both happy.

Apparently it is what lots of them do now

I have never heard of this practice before. The girlfriend sounds needy, weird and intense.

I wouldn't take the phone away, but would insist that it is plugged in on a surface well away from DS's bed. There's some evidence that having a phone very close to your head for long periods causes health issues especially in children.

I think it stupid but they are young and in love. My concern would be the fire hazard

My DH and I did this as teens. It’s just a sweet, young love, comfort thing. Assuming it’s a free call, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Why are you being vague about his age? Just say it as it is relevant.

16-17, I would exert some parental control and put a stop to it.

18-19, I think I’d have to let him get on with it but be clear about the fire and health risks as mentioned above and also the financial impact of running a phone on charge all night.

However, Id be keeping a close eye on it as exams approach and become far more pushy over things if I do notice a negative impact.

Wow! She sounds like a nut-job, I’d want him splitting up with her tbh.

I would be grateful that is all he's up to as a late teen. It sounds quite innocent and love's young dream. It probably won't last forever and as it's not going on long past 11pm, I think this is reasonable. Maybe though warn him about the fire risk and to be careful if he could sit the phone on a bedside table beside him instead. My mother used to advise me to "Pick my battles!" And this is one I wouldn't make an issue of.

Absolutely depends on the age of the teens here. Although i definitely used to do that as a teen and use up all of my ‘minutes’ so at least they’re free calls now!

Or it's a status thing to show off to her girlfriends. Similar to the wearing boyfriends jacket in my day even though you had a perfectly good one of your own. Teens are mad.

I understood he goes to sleep at 11 but their phones are connected all night while they sleep.

If he's a child and you pay for the phone then of course take it away. Both of your kids shouldn't have their phones overnight

I used to do this on Skype with my now husband as a youngun 😂

It’s age dependent somewhat because if he’s 19 it’s different to if he’s 16 but I’d have a conversation with him about what he said about it potentially creating an issue between them if you were to put a stop to it.
That doesn’t sound healthy if it’s true and if it was the other way round and my daughter was saying her boyfriend was potentially demanding she was on the phone all night it would definitely be a red flag for me.
The fire safety needs addressing too.
It really does depend on his age though, if he’s 18/19 you can’t really demand he gives you his phone.

I did a fire Marshall course at work. One of the biggest causes of fires on beds, plugged in phones under duvet or pillows. This would be a no in my house for this very reason.

DC had a friend whose girlfriend insisted on this and DC would also describe her as needy, weird and intense. Thankfully the boy eventually saw sense and broke up with her.

"Well son, if she really wants to listen to your late night wanking that's her choice, but it seems a bit weird to normal people."

Assuming they're old enough to have their phones overnight (which imo is over 16!) then I would roll my eyes and move on. They will get over it!

Charging a mobile phone under a pillow overnight is a major fire hazard because the pillow traps the natural heat generated during charging, causing the lithium-ion battery to overheat, fail, or trigger "thermal runaway" which can ignite flammable bedding. (from a Fire-safety site)

I am amazed that he’s admitted something so daft to you, so for that reason alone I wouldn’t ban it as I would rather he kept sharing things with me! It just sounds like the loopy things teenagers do when they’re in love and life will probably be easier if you can find the humour in it…

Just remembering when I was 14 years old my boyfriend went away for like three weeks with his family to Europe and I left them a voicemail on their landline EVERY DAY updating them on things that had happened at school and in national politics. His mother would have had to delete each voicemail lol.

Just ensure fire safety.