To stop teen son sleep calling

[Om83]

My teen son has had a girlfriend for 6 months, first serious girlfriend, he is properly loved up. He is allowed is phone over night as is an older teen. I have found out they are ‘sleep calling’ so they stay on a call all night while the other sleeps, the phone screen is off but call still connected. They fall asleep together and then it’s just on til the morning.

I don’t like it, I think he needs some time to himself without always being ‘connected’, he needs some time to process his thoughts and has exams this year. He said it doesn’t affect him as he sleeps soundly, they do not stay up late much past 11 and is not self conscious of it.

He said he is indifferent to it as it as makes no difference to him but she wants to and it makes her more comfortable so is happy to oblige, however he bought out the emotional blackmail that if i do take his phone away and it creates any distance between them then he will hate me for it as he doesn’t want to risk screwing anything up with her.

yes - you are being unreasonable as it’s young teenage love, leave them be

no - you are not being unreasonable to think it’s weird and needy (and a fire risk from overheating??!) and take his phone away at night?

That sounds incredibly intense. I wouldn't be happy with it at all.

My children are young adults now and they've all had bf/gf at times who've felt very demanding. Furious if messages went unanswered for an hour or they had the temerity to go and do something else for an evening. The requirement to be "always on" seems extraordinary to me. Surely we bring more to a relationship when we also have our own independent life and identity? Even in marriage that seems like a positive thing?!

I think that is quite standard, teen/young adult men not being able to say no to their girlfriend, and the young woman knowing it 😁

At risk of derailing the thread, I think a lot of what teenagers in relationships do now is weird and controlling - eg the frequency with which they communicate on Snapchat. My DS
agrees and clearly thinks his girlfriend is a bit controlling but says that all his mates’ girlfriends are basically the same. I do think social media and phone usage has created some real issues in this area and I feel sorry for them.

This isn't just teens.

Many have parents tracking them for example!

My main takeaway from this thread is how bloody old I am. So many people replying today v they did this, or talkibg about getting texts from boyfriends, and Skype. When I was a loved-up teen it was all about waiting till after 6pm to use the landline and having to hang-up after 59 minutes and re-dial to avoid going into the higher rate charge!
Looking back I think me spending over an hour on the phone was a madness, but overnight...wow!

I don't think I'd allow this in my home. I get that it's his room but if he's asleep and she's awake she can really hear everything that's going on even outside his bedroom. I have younger children getting up for the bathroom ( and myself), one child sleepwalks. I think it's quite invasive of everyone's privacy and would probably try explain it to him in that way and ask him to stop.

Yeah I’m very anti smartphones in general but I think by this age, this is a have some conversations about why this might not be optimal and let him make his own decisions type situation. Unless it starts to cause more problems at night. Very bad for human health to have all that EMF right near the head all night though!

I don’t see the issue with it. I used to do it when we still had brick phones. If it doesn’t disturb his sleep, what’s the issue?

Call me old fashioned or deeply conservative but I framed it as an intrusion into my house. I decided the parameters about who entered my house and when. And if I said that up to a certain time of day, we were open to the world and at a certain time of day we shut the door on the outside world, then that’s what happened.

And feckin’ going to sleep with the plugged in phone under the pillow - don’t get me started. Dd is nearly 21. I still have to check her every night and pull the phone out to keep the house safe. It drives me insane until I remember how much I love giving her that last 😘 goodnight

It’s absolutely ridiculous and very needy on her part. As others have said the fire risk would be my main concern

16 is still young and that’s ridiculous - yes a fire risk but I’ve been seeing lots of this type of behaviour and it’s considered controlling. Schools are having to teach it now. Being online, tracking partners and being in constant contact borders on digital abuse.

Stop it in its tracks and take the phone away if you must.

Some of my uni students do this. It hasn’t seemed to have hurt them so far as long as they actually get sleep.