To think this is a bit ott? Meeting friend

[TheSpoonyMaker]

Friend/old colleague. I last saw her in early July, I asked if she fancied having a coffee (and I'll happily travel to her, she lives about 8 miles from me).
She said 'we'll plan it when my daughter is settled in her new year'. Her daughter is going into year 9 I believe.

That was about 3 weeks ago, I just asked her to let me know what date was best then, no point chasing it. I just think, I'm asking you to meet for an hour for a coffee, not a 2-week holiday or something, and I'm travelling to you.

I'll probably be told I 'don't get it' because I don't have children but it just sounds a bit ott, will she not associate with anyone else until she deems her child settled in? Yes it sounds harsh, then people say 'just go and find new friends' but most people my age are the same sadly so it's not easy.

Her actions also suggest it. I think if someone can't find a few hours for coffee then it's not unreasonable to move on from them.

But the op hasn't moved on

Did I say she had. Moving on is a fair option here if her friend is too busy for her and being left hanging isn't working for her.

I think people who don’t have kids find it hard to understand the level of busy/overwhelm that can come from working, managing kids day to day needs and keeping a relationship afloat. Weekends are more busy because you’re juggling multiple calendars and needs and often trying to catch up on home stuff you’ve not managed during the week. Sometimes I would love to see a friend but also just want an hour where no one is talking to me. If you live alone or just with a partner this may be hard to understand. Life with work and teens is busy, even without bullying/mental health needs.

im getting a bit tired of threads from women without children having no ability to imagine what their friends lives might look like now.

Honestly you sound super intense. People are busy sonetimes meeting a friend is just another thing to have to do. Managing a family and work can be exhausting
Don't chase her again. Perhaps she really doesn't want to!

Hard to know op. My cousin same love catch up. I said great text a few dates. Nothing. Her kids reared so she has time. I wouldnt chase her now. Is she tied to school runs? Or say your free x morning does that suit you. Would leave it then

I have a 'friend' like you. She has finally given up. It sounds mean, but I'm just not that into her.

I'm sure you've posted about this before. It sounds like your friend might be trying to cut ties with you but you are not taking the hint.

If I were you, I would stop contacting her. If she wants to meet up, she will contact you.

If you are looking for new friends, have you considered volunteering somewhere, signing up for some classes or joining a local running club or parkrun?

I think this is the best idea OP. Friends don't all have to be the same age as you. Whether it's older people whose kids are less dependent, younger who don't have them yet, other childfree people (I recently joined a local childfree women's group and it's been great to find other women in similar circs), or just people who, for whatever reason (parenting style, fully engaged second parent, more independent kids) don't need to prioritise their children so much, people are out there!

You don't have to dump all your old friends, but as they are saying (harsh but true), you are currently quite a low priority in their busy lives, make your life busy and match their energy. In 5 years time her dd might be out having the time of her life at uni and she's feeling like a spare part, she'll want to pick up her old friends and might be surprised that they'll only come out for coffee with her 'in a few months when I've got a break in my padel schedule,' or 'when I'm home from travelling', or whatever.

It sounds like she doesn't want to meet.

I would find her response very terse.

Ball is in her court, you are right not to chase.

And next time don't always drive to her.

There are a million threads about friends putting off meet ups, I doubt has posted about this before.

YABU to think shes not meeting you just because of her child. I think she was giving you the brush off. You ask her to go for coffee and instead of saying no, because that would be awkward. She said sure when the kids have settled into school. She has no intentions of having coffee with you and its nothing to do with having children.