will she not associate with anyone else until she deems her child settled in?
But nowhere has she indicated that she’s not going to ‘associate with anyone else’. All she has said is that she can’t meet you for coffee at the moment. And surely that’s fine?
There might be any number of reasons for this, and you can’t know them. None of us really know everything that’s going on for our friends, and I don’t think that you sound particularly close. You’ve no idea what might be going on for her or who else she has about her. On the surface they might look completely fine, but you’ve no idea what’s going on. And even if it’s very little, just juggling work and parenting and life admin and such can feel overwhelming sometimes.
I’ve many friends who finding time to meet is really hard. Our work schedules don’t match and evenings and weekends can be manic. It doesn’t mean it’s not lovely to see people, but between work, childcare, personal and child activities, the house, and other people too, life can sometimes feel so packed that meet ups can feel more like hard work than enjoyment. Friends and family are scattered now and I can no longer fit multiple meet ups into a weekend. So even if I were to try and fit in my parents, in-laws, aunts and such, and maybe 5 close friends (alongside activities and the house, etc.), that’s probably 8 or 10 weekends gone. Do that on rotation, with perhaps a couple of weekends just for us, and the year quickly fills!
Child free meet ups are a joy. But ability is limited as, even with a partner who would have no problem if I were out every other night each week and away for one or two weekends a month, I actually like time with my family and at home!
And it also often comes down to mental capacity. I’ve some wonderful friends, but they all take slightly different levels of effort and energy. Some are more intense, some wonderful fun, some great for that emotional off load and sharing. But sometimes I’m just not up for one thing but would be for the other.
Sometimes I could really do with a deep and meaningful emotional back and forth, sometimes it feels too much. Same with those that are just fun and gossipy. And sometimes I’m just all talked out.
That doesn’t mean I’m always right. I remember last year, after an terrible week, heading to a friend for a long planned catch up and wishing I could be doing anything but see them. I didn’t think I could do it. But, actually, it was utterly wonderful. Just chatting away, hearing their gossip and putting the world to rights was exactly what I needed and I came away feeling better than I had in days. But, if that hadn’t been a long standing plan, there was no way I’d have said yes if they’d suggested it that day or week. And I’d have missed out on something lovely.
People’s lives are packed (families or not). And usually if someone says they’re busy but ‘let’s do it later’, that’s exactly what they mean. It’s got no secret and deep significance about their feelings about you and their desire to cut the friendship. It just means that they can’t right now. I would always suggest taking someone at their word. Perhaps asking again in a month or so.