To not buy her a tail, so she can be like her friend who ‘is a therian’

[Laura9899]

My ten year old has a friend who seems nice and has sane sensible normal parents and yet she wears a tail and tells my daughter she’s a therian. I’m not in any way happy with all the furry rubbish and this feels along the same lines. My daughter has now asked to be a cat for Halloween, then asked for a furry tail as part of her costume, and now I think it’s actually so she can join in with her friend. They are only ten so it’s likely just play but there’s no way I’m letting her go out in a tail 🙄.

I am not overly sure what the issue is - it's for halloween? Make a tail (my mum made me one out of tights around the same age) for a fancy dress b'day party. Party came and went, never wore it again.

Get a tail for your daughter. After halloween, in the bin (or loft) it goes. Kids will lose interest, it's just dress up. I should imagine the other girl will lose interest soon enough too.

Imagine trying to sit on that?! 🤣😂😅
Cat food it is for dinner then OP?😃

What people get the wrong impression? Predators? A predator will predate no matter what. Not wearing a tail is not protective in itself. Much better to teach rights, body autonomy, maintain safety measures no matter what clothes are being worn.

Omg my 10 year old DD also wants to wear a cat mask and tail because her friend does. Is there some series on Netflix or something with this??

Her friend to be fair is being bullied a lot at school so the whole being a cat thing is possibly a cry for attention.

The whole thing is seriously odd.

AaTbh if you let her have it she'll grow out of it in her own way and time .Dc need to learn to navigate life without constant helicoptering.

Bloody hell if she’s not in therapy by the time shes an adult I’ll eat my hat! What is the world coming to! OP I would say it’s only to be worn as a gimmick for play, fancy dress, Halloween but that is it
end of ! She’s 10 she doesn’t get to dictate you are the parent.

Ami wrong to suggest that if she wants to be a cat then she can be totally treated like a cat. Whiskas for food, litter tray or garden for a loo and she can lick herself clean. No sleeping on the beds. She is either a cat or she isn't. See how long that lasts.

I voted YABU because she’s asked for a costume for Halloween which is a totally normal thing for her to want to be at her age, and you don’t want to because you don’t believe her stated intentions. Why can’t you just say “of course you can be a cat for Halloween” and then if she asks to wear the tail another time when it’s not fancy dress the answer is no?

Also, ime, kids who do this already tend to feel a bit like outsiders. Maybe you could work on that with her to help improve her confidence. Of course being a therian is nonsense, but something is making her feel like she’s not just a “normal kid” and I’d want to find out what that is rather than punishing her for feeling that way.

It's exactly this, isn't it. Dressing up as whatever = kid's stuff. Fine. Putting a label on it that puts the child in a group with fetishists = yikes.

It's a bit like a ten-year-old seeing some kind of black shiny halloween outfit with a whip, and thinking it looks cool. I mean, it's just tight fitting clothes, nothing sexual about it when a child is wearing it, right? But still, you don't want your little girl claiming to be a dominatrix.

If it is for halloween what is the problem?

I’m normally pretty non-judgemental and live in a very accepting town, but I saw two teenagers recently, probably about 15/16, dressed in normal clothes but with big furry ears and tails that actually swished. They were with adults that I assumed were the parents. It would make a brilliant Halloween costume, but it’s just strange for everyday wear. I guess as a teenager you can spend your own pocket money and many people my age were wearing unusual things through their emo/goth phases, but this stood out more.

As a kid I played role play games being a dog/cat etc. but when it extends out of make-believe I think it’s going too far. How did the other 10 year old even hear the word “therian”? I think 10 is too old to be wearing dress up costumes in normal life.

The thing for me about animal costumes (I don’t know much about full furry suits though) is that bunnies (playboy bunnies) and cats have been sexy fancy dress costumes throughout my lifetime. I have seen butt plugs with bunny tails, fox tails and cat tails on. Excluding anything else about identity, I don’t think I’d want my child or teenager in a costume where people (men) might wonder where the tail attaches

I also don’t get the angst, I wanted to be a horse when I was about 9. I made jumps in the back garden and used to make myself rosettes because I was an excellent show jumper😂 im 52 now and haven’t been a horse for several decades . I also purchased a tail for my nephew because his mum wouldnt buy him one, I explained it would perhaps not be the best idea to wear it outside and he agreed . Halloween however is very different! I’d let my dd wear a tail as a cat for Halloween , what costume is acceptable to you?

Thought this phase had long since died out. It was a big thing a couple of years ago and I heard tales of some kids being indulged so much they were peeing in litter trays and eating out of dog bowls. Haven’t heard anything in recent years so figured it had faded out. Any parent who indulges in this madness is a shit parent.

Give her some Dreamies tho (crack for cats) and there’ll be no turning back!!

I remember a post on here where the OP had a child who was a wolf. This was pretty much her plan - only meat for dinner, and no watching TV etc. because wolves don’t do that. I wonder how long the phase lasted!

Reading this, I honestly feel like I'm in another world. My dc regularly dressed up and pretended to be a variety of things when younger. Dd1 spent the better part of a year pretending to be a dinosaur when she was about 5. I provided a tub of dressing up clothes, just like most families I knew did.

When did parents become so opposed to this type of play? I think it's absolutely normal! Has parenting really changed that much?

The idea that parents should shame or abuse their dc if they want to engage in a bit of roleplay is beyond bizarre.

I think in most cases all it would take would be the suggestion, but what if they took you up on it?

Yes, it doesn’t seem the OP’s DD has actually said she is/wants to be a cat - she just wants to dress as one for Halloween.

Its the OP’s fear that it will turn into more that she’s reacting to, not the reality of what has happened.

When I was a child - younger than 10 though, probably around 6/7/8 we regularly used to pretend we were horses in the school playground and galloped around jumping over things and making neighing noises. I have not grown up to be a deviant or a weirdo and as far as I know neither have any of my school friends.

Mumsnet stopped my first post because I suggested she should be able to lick her own arse and put in the garden at night if she is a cat. The double standards on this site are unbelievable. Wonder how long this one will last.

Then Whiskas it is

Sad kids can’t even dress up anymore because adults make it weird

15 years ago it would just be dressing up and being a bit whimsical. I agree with letting her be a cat for Halloween and then the costume gets 'lost'

That's a very naive reading of this situation and not why the OP is worried.

If your child had put on an Elsa dress and then described herself as a 'sissy princess' it would indicate exposure to something inappropriate and beyond the dressing up box.

The issue is not with being a cat for Halloween, it is with attaching the therian label to it.

For many it will just be a word they've heard that seems to fit but if they start delving deeper that that it's murky to say the least.

I heard that too that kids were peeing in litter trays in schools but I think it was just a rumour. The teachers obviously wouldn’t scoop a litter tray, and it’s beyond the job description and training of the cleaners. So I don’t think a school would agree on health and safety grounds. Plus, what schools have random spare rooms they can put litter trays in? You can’t have students peeing or pooping in a cupboard surrounded by textbooks or on a carpeted floor. So I think it was all made up