AIBU not to wake my 20-year-old for early shifts?

[itsmeitsyou]

DS 20 has a new job. It's full time in a factory and I am very happy for him as previous work has been mainly casual bar work.

He has struggled to get up for his shifts. He needs to be up by 5am to leave at 5.30am for public transport on a weekday for a 7am start. Weekend he starts at 6! Thankfully we have good transport links and he can get there.

Problem is one of us in the house is having to wake him. I don't want to get up at 4.30am on a weekend to get him up.

My sister (has no children) has called me selfish. As when she was asking about the new job I confessed I didn't know how he would manage the 6am starts on a Saturday. She said I need to get up and get him up, it's my duty as his parent!

YABU - help him get up on weekend
YANBU - he is 20 and needs to continue to learn natural consequences

Same i was a nurse and going from lates to earlies was a killer
When i first qualiifiied i lived at home for a year or two i got myself up but my Dad qlways knocked on my bedroom door to make sure i was up

This. It’s ridiculous. He’s 20 not 5.

Yeah, I don't take parenting advice from child free people, personally. One of my friends has form for this. I love her in every other way, but I cut her off when she does this.

I get that it’s hard but did you manage it by yourself and hold down your job(s)? If so, congratulations you were a successful adult!

Lots of young people take jobs with mad shifts, sometimes it’s all they can get with minimal experience or qualifications. Sometimes it’s a classic career tragectory where the young blood is given the rough shifts until they work up the career ladder. Ultimately, they’re the best people for the job. It only gets harder as you get older.

Ok but it's not anyone else's responsibility to wake you up. If someone happens to be up and decides to knock in on you, that's nice, but it should never be an expectation.

The answer in that case is to find another job or to work out the best strategies for yourself to manage that situation.

Does he get to bed at a sensible time, or is he fannying around looking at his 'phone?
It is all part of growing up, and yes, it's boring!

I never said it was. I live alone.

Ok, well then I'm not really sure what your point is.

My point is it's possible to struggle with unsocial hours

I would only ever 'wake' someone if I was already awake myself and by wake I mean knock their door and say 'You getting up yet?' or something. I wouldn't press further.

I don't envy the lad having to get up that early. I had a job that started at 6 and I had to wake at about 4.45. Never fun.

But he must set a very loud alarm on his phone. Plus another alarm clock or more than one. You could buy him one?

I'd be annoyed if his alarms failed to rouse him but woke the rest of us up though!

I would help to begin with but after the first few weeks it’s on him!

Is there a reason why he's working every weekend. Does he have days off during the week

My 11 year old is out of the house by 7 whether or not we are awake. A 20 year old should have no problem with this.

Do they get up at half 4

No one is denying it’s a struggle (at first - 5am is hardly the middle of the night) but if an adult takes a job that involves shift work then it’s a struggle they just have to get on with.

Ongoing, no I wouldn't. For a while til his body clock adjusts? yeah I probably would.

It's his responsibility - It's hard to get up at 'stupid o clock' but that's life.

Our eldest grandson got a factory job on a 3 shift rotation for 6 months after university to save for a masters. It was winter and he had to cycle 5 miles there and back every day in all weathers. He was a year older than your son and managed to get up every morning of his 6 to 2 shift by himself. Of course your son needs to take responsibility for getting up to go to work. It's part of being an adult.

It depends. My DS 15 has ADHD and needs someone to wake him up, and also remind him when to leave for school. I'm quite sure it'll be the same when he goes to work. For NT people, they really need to get their act together and do it themselves.

Only if he's a useless dick

People like you are why some young people today are so bloody helpless/useless when they get out into the world

If he sleeps through one alarm , buy him a new noisier one to go off ten minutes after the first . Hopefully he won't lose his job through bad timekeeping , and you can sleep till a reasonable time without feeling guilty x

And this is why once your child is old enough you set up a routine for them to get themselves up and ready for school. From the start of year 4 they should be setting an alarm, getting up, washing, dressing and packing their own bag for the day.

He is a 20 year old man. I was 18 when i had my first baby, it was up to me to be an adult not a child. I had no mummy making sure i woke up to feed and change my baby. My Husband was the same age, his mummy wasn't there to get him out of bed to go to work.
No wonder so many adults act like children when mothers like you think they are still children.

I'm a morning person, so I'd get him up at 5, and if needed, I'd go back to bed until he gets used to the routine, but it's in my nature to help anyone struggling with something anyway. Better than dealing with his depression further down the line if he loses his job for being consistently late and ends up on the scrapheap because he can't provide a good reference to any future employer.

Absolutely ridiculous 😂 you really need to allow your children to fail sometimes or you’re going to be doing this forever. If he’s late and gets a warning at work, that will teach him to learn to set his own alarm. If OP can set an alarm to wake up to wake him up, why in the world can’t he set his own alarm