AIBU not to wake my 20-year-old for early shifts?

[itsmeitsyou]

DS 20 has a new job. It's full time in a factory and I am very happy for him as previous work has been mainly casual bar work.

He has struggled to get up for his shifts. He needs to be up by 5am to leave at 5.30am for public transport on a weekday for a 7am start. Weekend he starts at 6! Thankfully we have good transport links and he can get there.

Problem is one of us in the house is having to wake him. I don't want to get up at 4.30am on a weekend to get him up.

My sister (has no children) has called me selfish. As when she was asking about the new job I confessed I didn't know how he would manage the 6am starts on a Saturday. She said I need to get up and get him up, it's my duty as his parent!

YABU - help him get up on weekend
YANBU - he is 20 and needs to continue to learn natural consequences

I would, just until he got into a routine. Then I'd just go back to bed. My mum did it for me when i was a year younger than your son.

Two of mine were getting themselves up and dressed much earlier than year 4, one needed a bit of extra help and another one is 16 and still struggles with time management and doesn’t hear alarms at all.

Do you mean you would choose other jobs over factory work, or you’d choose factory work over other jobs?

It would be more ridiculous for him to lose a job in this current climate.

Get him an old fashioned alarm clock set to the correct times and put it out of reach from the bed. Then leave him to sort himself out as a fully fledged adult. The problem with phone alarms is that it's so easy to hit snooze or turn them.off if he sleeps with his phone next to him.

He’s allowing himself to lose a job, he’s twenty years old.

At 20 my dad had a full time labourer job, his own house and was waking up in the night with his child (me).

Not much fun for OP though as she's already said she can't get back to sleep

Yes, it would be ridiculous for him to lose a job because he can't wake himself up.

None of that is OP's fault or responsibility.

I honestly wonder if some of you actually want your children to become functioning adults.

My 16-year-old has to get up at 6 for college. I told him I am no longer his backup alarm clock. I get up at 6.30; if he hasn't moved, I prod him, but he knows he's responsible for setting his own backup alarms!

No way at 20 I would be responsible for getting him up. He's old enough to sort out his sleep pattern and what he needs to wake up on time.

There are 2 questions really - AIBU - no but do you want a NEET maybe lying in bed all day with no job?

Agree. I'm surprised by these answers but I suppose typical Mumsnet. I'm a grown woman and struggle with the early starts, my husband would wake me up.
Op, I would wake him for the first week or so, let him get used to it, his body clock would be all over the place having done bar work at nights. It's not babying him because he's your child, it's just doing a nice thing because you can. If you don't want to though, then don't.

Fuck waking up at 4:30 on a weekend when he's 20, a Young adult, yes, but still an adult, who should be setting an alarm.

Seriously? I couldn't go back to bed after getting up to physically crow bar my child out of bed! He's 20 and he is an adult, maybe for the first week keep an ear out but even then I'm inclined to say he should get an alarm and such it up! When I did shifts my mum would not have done this for me and nor would I expect it...I wonder why your sister is being so invasive about this if your son hasn't said anything? Or does she see herself as a second mother?? She could sleep on his floor if she likes and be his alarm clock..😆

Who's going to wake OP up at 4.30 so that she can wake her son up?

I genuinely think that a lot of women really, really want their kids to need them far longer than they should

He needs to get himself up or if he doesnt he will learn the hard way. The lesson he is learning is that he doesnt have to have self discipline because younare doing it for him

It really does look that way.

It depends if I was awake anyway I would give him a prod for the first couple of weeks. However I would not purposely wake up to do so. I would expect him to set numerous alarms etc.

In fairness would your sister expect you to drive to his house if he was living in a house share.

Not your responsibility. Just get him a couple of old school alarms. Phone alarms are easy to ignore or cancel the alarm when you're half awake for 5 more minutes. An alarm situated away from the bed will do him the world of good!

Tell your sister to come round and get him up and ready then.

My son is 17 and I wouldn't think to wsle him. He gets himself up.
Even when he was 14/15 getting up at 5.30 for his paper round we didn't need to.

I think you give him a week to get his clock in order then he's on his own.

He needs to have autonomy over his life, and learning to navigate work hours/ geeting up is part of that.

If you keep getting up to wake him he'll never learn to fo it himself. Then that will be his wife's issue/never waking for babies etc...would you want him to become that kind of partner?

I've always endeavoured to raise my boys to be fully independent.

Also women aren't important. If the OP can't get back to sleep, tough luck apparently.

I'd say the support as a parent at thus age is helping find some ways he waked himself up. Maybe it's 5 different alarm clocks and a phone and an Alexa etc. It's not you getting him up, jeez!! I think supporting him with helpful ideas and helping him plan his route are appropriate. He will either manage, or he will learn a valuable life lesson