Which child is wrong-er

[Dancingwithmyselfoohooh]

Know it's not a word lol

Child A: Breaks something in their own pencil case by accident, is a bit upset and is trying to fix it

Child B: wants to know what happened, asks child A many times/repetitive asking and trying to look

Child A: Becomes fed up of Child A constantly asking, pushes them away in the chest (quite gently)

Child B: Doesn't like being pushed, pushes Child A back much harder, child A nearly falls over a chair, starts to cry and become very upset

Who is in the wrong here?

Least said soonest mended imho.
Just a minor fall out. Move on
Unless one child is persistently shoving others around then teacher needs to know

Child A resorted to pushing first so child A is more at fault. As adults we can’t just start pushing people and expect no one to retaliate so children need to learn the same

But she shouldn’t raise her hands to anyone, no matter how much she feels they’re bothering her.
She’s squarely in the wrong here, but you’re determined to portray her as the little innocent who was goaded beyond endurance.
Incidentally, why are you teaching her not to hit in case the other person hits back?! That’s not why we don’t use our hands on other people.

No not next to her, the girl he is next to is also always getting cross at him too apparently

hi, so I volunteer with ND kids and hear a lot of little issues like this.

It is possible for both children to have behaved in ways that are not okay - (we don't need to think about 'wrong or wronger ' tbh)

The first child sounds as though they are unaware of what irritating behaviour is to other children - either that or they were deliberately getting in the face of child A which is not great either.

They need to be told to back off when asked to - they will not have many friends if they are not able to control this ie. read the room/ read another childs feelings/ stop bugging them. It is irrelevant what they were asking about - they were asked to stop

child A -needs to learn - you NEVER put your hands on another child. It can escalate.

It's not helpful to ask who was more in the wrong - they are young children and need supporting in learning helpful ways to behave.

teacher should be aware that child B is behaving in ways other children find annoying. They may need more support? In a busy room.

No I've obviously told her that we don't hit and it's wrong to hit-for years actually, but I said they will hit you back and maybe harder

You are continuing to justify Child A's behaviour. Loads of kids are annoying, it doesn't mean we get to raise our hands to them.

Definitely not justifying it, Dd was wrong to push and she knows this and got told so. However, i'm trying to paint a clear picture as it's also fair to say that it does sound as though he needs to stop his behaviour too

True, but all child a needed to say was I'm trying to fix my pen or whatever. If the child was clearly upset over it, child b may of just been trying to help!

Never an excuse to lay hands on anyone!

They are not equivalent though. Being annoying as an adult is not a reason to be hit, so it shouldn't be for kids. At 7 or 8 it is easier to learn the hard and fast rule of no hitting or pushing, it is harder to understand boundaries and what other people may find annoying.

Honestly, it sounds like your daughter was upset and frustrated by whatever was happening in her pencil case, her friend annoyed her and he got the brunt of her upset.

Teach your child other ways to deal with an annoying child. That doesn't mean that they have to put up with it- and I wouldn't be teaching that either. It's more ..what do you do if your boundaries are crossed.

Child B is an aggravating little sod. If they were doing that as an adult they would likely be told to fuck off and go away. It's not okay to push but child A knows that and it's been dealt with properly by the teacher. The other mum is nuts.

On the contrary. Child B needs to be told by at least teacher, preferably also both parents, that when someone says "no" they butt the fuck out.

Absolutely child A. Pushing is never acceptable, especially by the age of 7/8. I can't believe people will still make excuses for this sort of behaviour.

Teach dd stiff arms if he is invading her space

She steps back put arms out straight and says a set line that she has practised, something like 'i dont like you being that close please move

Role play with her. Lending her to give him firm instructions.
'I will talk to you but please remove back one step'
'I dont like it when you get close to my face please move back'

She did say this, he goes on and on

So when do we suddenly tell boys that behaviour their parents haven't reigned in because "not a teenager" is actually wrong and always was? 10? 15? 20?

OP's daughter needs to be very clear saying "no / go away/ I said no / I told you to stop" in firm, calm but increasingly loud voice. OO also needs to tell teacher to reinforce the fact that EVERYONE must respect boundaries.

You're doing your daughter a disservice with this type of 'my child always has an excuse' parenting

Teach boys to respect girls' boundaries.

I do wish people would stop with this accusations of OP justifying her daughters behaviour, like she's some little thug being encouraged by mum to hit. OP has clearly stated they've told their daughter we don't hit, it's wrong to hit.

Unfortunately these are children and they aren't always going to be perfect and express their feelings in the right way when frustration, upset and anger decend. Adrenarche also comes on about this stage too, pre teen hormones in the mix! None of that excuses it (before you all start on me!) but this incident didn't come out of nowhere did it - it's how they go forward now.

When you've ballsed something up and are upset about it, the last thing you want is someone right in your face having a nosey, drawing everyones attention to your cock up and who won't leave you alone, despite you trying to move away.

It's not just about bollocking the OPs daughter for hitting, that doesn't address what to do when things like this happen again, and it will, kids can be nosey parkers with no regard for personal space. So for OPs daughter it's speaking loud and clear "leave me alone", as moving away doesn't work with this kid.

Louder and clearer each time (assertive not screaming), until he either gets the message or the teacher is alerted to what's going on. He also needs a chat though, about when our friends have asked for some alone time we respect that and don't keep on at them.

The boy needs to be able to read if someone is pissed off and learn to back away.

Being annoying does have consequences - even as an adult.

I'd be telling my daughter that the boy is rubbish at knowing when to stop bugging people. That not all people learn or get stuff as quick as others. So she has to block out the noise. Try and resolve but then see the teacher / TA.

I wonder if we could do a poll of the "boy moms" here....

B must learn to stop when someone says no. A needs a referee whistle to blow at boundary disrespecting annoying kids

As she’s now found out for herself 🤷🏻‍♀️
Hopefully she’s learnt her lesson not to put hands on anyone.

She is literally trying to justify that one child pushing is better than one being annoying.
No way does that type of parent believe that when it's their child that was pushed first.