AIBU to think this reaction from a friend is bonkers? (and also insensitive)

[ChasingMars]

Backstory, I have a close friend, let's call her Abbie Scott for ease. We exchange WhatsApps daily, general chatter, have a great day etc. DH also kniws her well, they got on brilliantly, to the extent we are all planning a big holiday together next year.

Saturday morning DH has my phone as he's using it to post stuff on Vinted. Message comes through from Abbie, good morning, happy weekend etc. DH replies with 'good morning Scottseroonie' or similar daft appropriation of her surname.

I follow up with 'sorry that was DH' laughing faces and then a typical reply and mention that today is rough as I'm taking the youngest to uni. We have talked about this at length over the last few months and she knows I have been really struggling with the idea of an empty nest and has expressed sympathy.

I don't get a reply for 6 hours, a reply then comes through just as I have got in the car after dropping DS off, so accept I was pretty emotional, but I was genuinely stunned by this reaction...

'Not funny. Please do not use my surname in this way. It landed badly ChasingMars'

A few minutes later another message saying..

'I hope DS got there ok and settling in'.

Which felt like an afterthought.

I replied with an apology and said DS was fine but I was struggling.

No replyintil the following day when she sent 'I hope today is a better day for you'.

AIBU to think this is both a bizarre reaction and completely insensitive timing??? And that I should expect better from a really close friend when I'm going through something really tough for me?

She sounds insufferable. I would fuck her off. Definitely don’t go on holiday with her.

Haven’t RTFL but your OP seems like an overreaction. She didn’t like it, she said so, bad timing maybe but she didn’t know you had JUST got in the car. Let it go.

okay, I originally thought YWBBU, her because of her OTT reaction and you because you were acting as if your son had died rather than gone off to uni - not invalidating your experience, it's understandable you're upset but 'completely insensitive timing' and 'really tough for me,' etc is...a lot.

IF she had a legitimate issue it would make perfect sense for her to raise it at the time. I wouldn't even think your son moving to uni would be something I would take into consideration in terms of that - I'd have assumed your comment about feeling sad came under the bandwidth of 'a bit bittersweet' rather than 'crying my eyes out devastated' type,

But your further update with her still doubling down and acting as though she is the victim of trauma because of the completely innocuous nickname, AND the bus incident, is just utterly batshit, so she is now tipping the U scale!

Okay, you apologised handsomely for getting it wrong in the first place. Now she's being OTT and rather ridiculous. She's turning a storm in a teacup into a hurricane.

I would pay to not be friends with some like this tbh. Find a new hobby, OP!

Checking in every day because someone coughed a bit on public transport is really over the top. It’s not a disaster and neither is your son going to university.

I couldn’t cope with this sort of intensity.

also, respect for taking people's feedback on board @ChasingMars

What assistance did she need? 😵‍💫

I think all glass of water and a seat wete provided, and regular check ins from staff throughout the journey

I get this, but the way she described it she felt it might be a medical issue which needed investigation. She lives alone and quite remotely and I felt I should check on her

I take it she wasn’t on a bus or a tube, then?

No, train journey

She sounds bonkers

You both sound drama llamas. No one spends months ruminating on a kid leaving home. They're not really leaving if it's to uni, they'll be back before you know it.

Just give her some space

Yes friend is bonkers

With respect, you don't know the particular child or situation, so cannot know if there are additional issues or worries. Everybody is different and I wouldn't judge anyone for struggling with a child leaving home, just as I wouldn't judge anyone who felt more relaxed about it. Distance, personality and previous experience can all make a difference to how people feel.

Additional issues or worries, belthering on about it for months and expecting a friend to keep talking about it is too much. Leave her be.

Well you're a delight!

This

Having read everything, I think she's weird. She can't laugh at herself and expects everyone to treat her like a damsel in distress. Only child or narc I reckon (no offence to well-adjusted only children).

Not an only child but fell out with her sister and they haven't spoken in years. From what I can understand she was the golden younger child and sister the black sheep

Ooh yes. You're good. Good spot.

Don’t go on holiday with her, op. You’ll be on edge all the time. She must take herself extremely seriously, if a bit of affectionate banter from a friend’s husband has this effect. You’ll end up tiptoeing round her for fear of upsetting her again, and friends like that are really hard work. I’m surprised you’ve got this far with the friendship intact, tbh.
Empty nest here too…It’s a big change. 💐

Hope your youngest is getting on ok so far!
I think the initial reaction from the friend was crazy and the reaction to your very good apology is batshit and ungracious