AIBU to think this reaction from a friend is bonkers? (and also insensitive)

[ChasingMars]

Backstory, I have a close friend, let's call her Abbie Scott for ease. We exchange WhatsApps daily, general chatter, have a great day etc. DH also kniws her well, they got on brilliantly, to the extent we are all planning a big holiday together next year.

Saturday morning DH has my phone as he's using it to post stuff on Vinted. Message comes through from Abbie, good morning, happy weekend etc. DH replies with 'good morning Scottseroonie' or similar daft appropriation of her surname.

I follow up with 'sorry that was DH' laughing faces and then a typical reply and mention that today is rough as I'm taking the youngest to uni. We have talked about this at length over the last few months and she knows I have been really struggling with the idea of an empty nest and has expressed sympathy.

I don't get a reply for 6 hours, a reply then comes through just as I have got in the car after dropping DS off, so accept I was pretty emotional, but I was genuinely stunned by this reaction...

'Not funny. Please do not use my surname in this way. It landed badly ChasingMars'

A few minutes later another message saying..

'I hope DS got there ok and settling in'.

Which felt like an afterthought.

I replied with an apology and said DS was fine but I was struggling.

No replyintil the following day when she sent 'I hope today is a better day for you'.

AIBU to think this is both a bizarre reaction and completely insensitive timing??? And that I should expect better from a really close friend when I'm going through something really tough for me?

Ah sending hugs! It's weird, but the food bill and laundry are a bonus!

Thank you,that's kind, and he loves it so far but has requested a pizza cutter and a dish brush....the major city he is in must not have shops

You checked in on her every day for that? 😱

I'd try and forget it. Whatever the reason, she wants some space so give it to her - if she comes back to you then be a bit wary in the future. If she doesn't contact you again then I'd leave it, sometimes friendships just end for silly reasons. Think nothing more about it or her and concentrate on how you're going to cope with being an empty nester! Tbh, she sounds hard work (and don't apologise again!)

My friend’s DH did similar to me and I was horrified because I wondered if he read all the texts I’d sent my friend over the years which included deeply personal details. She also followed it with laughing emojis which made me think she and her DH were composing messages and laughing AT me together. It definitely made me lose trust in her. I suspect that is what your friend is upset about in reality.

I know but as I mentioned up thread she lives alone and remotely and said she was having breathing difficulties

How do these people function?! @ChasingMars

The woman is a pain in the arse and I suspect you know that. Her reaction is bizarre given the benign nature of the home.

Don’t go on holiday together - you’ll be walking on eggshells worried about giving offence in some unassuming way.

Again I understand this, but I explained this wasn't the case and apologised, and her and DH have a close relationship too

Ok that’s really really weird unless he jokingly turned her name into something vulgar.

It's not the same though is it?

Her husband has not routinely read or responded to her messages, this was a obe off situation where he was with her phone when the message came in and also she is friends and close to her husband so his response was based on their friendship.

And either way she has apologized so going on and on about it is OTT and ridiculous. If she wants to end the friendship she can go ahead. OP has acknowledged the issue and apologized what else does she want???

That was an affectionate use of her name and you having nothing to apologise for. She sounds nuts.
My empty nest was years ago and I can still remember the pain of those early days. Because nothing horrendous has happened to your child it is not wrong to be sad they have left home.
I often wonder if many of the scathing responses come from those with a 2 and 4 year old safely tucked up in bed and an inability to imagine their empty nest will come!

No. Exactly as I wrote it - Scottseroonie except surname isn't Scott, it's another standard English surname, obviously can't post the real name

Thank you that's kind. I'm happy for them all obviously, but it's odd and quiet and just needs some adjusting to

This - DH made a big error of judgement but what he actually thought he was doing was sending an affectionate good morning to someone who is also his friend. The message he responded to was 'good morning, Happy Weekend' etc, very innocuous.He got it very wrong, that has been acknowledged, accepted and apologised for

Sounds like she has massively overreacted, and of course you are upset about your son leaving for uni. Completely natural, its the end of an era isnt it?

Hope youre feeling OK OP

Bless you, thank you, I'm fine, just adjusting!

I agree it does sound OTT but I agree with posters suggesting it sounds like either you and DH chat about her behind her back and laugh at her, or you made up the weird nickname and then tried to blame it on DH.
It does seem weird to do this all via text. While people might call others 'affectionate' nicknames this is often to their face and comes over time, considering you have known her several years it seems a bit random to suddenly text her addressing her by this name. Some people don't even like having their name shortened, so at least face to face you normally see their reaction or they often jump on it quicker e.g. calling someone Becky and they might say no it's Rebecca.

Does she look like Wayne Rooney? Yes that’s a massive reach but it’s all I can think of.

Ffs. So boring to hear such stereotypes of only children being trotted out. And no.. I’m not an only child and don’t have an only child.
Just such a lazy generalisation. You know that people with siblings can be weird @AtomHeartMotherOfGod? 🙄

I understand this but as explained it's DH's way with people he cares,about, we have spent a lot of time with her and light hearted banter isn't unusual. I guess,I would understand it if it was a name based on a characteristic- that would be offensive - but it is instead a suffix to her surname. Ok he got it wrong, we both did, neither of us thought it would offend her.

The reason it is all online text is she literally doesn't do phone calls!

No, not even a little bit 😀😀

😁
Another reach, but I did wonder if the op’s dh accidentally typed Scottsaloonie by mistake?

No, I've seen the message, so no to looney and no to Wayne😁

I think you're overreacting tbh. She was annoyed with DH taking the piss out of her name, and she said so. She asked about DS and said she hoped you had a better day, there's nothing wrong with that.

I think you’ve apologised genuinely and explained everything so nothing else you can do now. At this stage it does look like she is overreacting. Maybe it’s her way to get out of joint holiday arrangement?