To think it's impossible to work full time and keep a clean/tidy house without a cleaner?

[FishfingerFlinger]

I feel like I'm constantly desperately trying to keep our house from falling into complete squalor, panicking about unexpected guests when the place looks like a bombsite and it's all generally getting me down.

If you're generally keeping on top of having a presentable, clean house while having a full-time job, DC, but without paying a cleaner...HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Like, really break it down for me - what are you doing, when are you doing it, how much time does it take? Where am I going wrong?

(and before anyone says its a DH problem - he more than pulls his weight, has a demanding full time job and is also managing a renovation project on the side so he's swamped).

I managed it as a working full time single parent to one back in the day. I love a clean and tidy house though - it’s one of my priorities. Always has been. And we still had toys out and things - we just tidied them away when it was bedtime.

Accepting the stage of life you are in is sanity saving. Comparing a house with children/toddlers, to a middle aged prissy couple with a show home is completely unreasonable. There will be people on here that will tell you that both these households can look the same, but it is impossible and that is ok.

Its not that hard. I do little/often through the week, have robot hoover, and do a bigger clean on the weekend with DH.

Kids are ks2 and expected to tidy up & help.

I only work part time and don't have kids and I find it so hard. Because it's boring to me, I hate cleaning because it's so relentless. However I hate a dirty house.

Every morning I tidy up and move everything to where it's supposed to be, plump up the cushions, wipe the kitchen surfaces, dishwasher gets done by husband. However I doubt very much we would do that if it was 6.30 am and we were facing a commute followed by 8 hours work.

Something I've been saying we should do is set a timer for 2 hours and blitz the whole house. We agree what a good idea that is then we don't do it

I think it is possible but you have to have a very stringent attitude to it. When we had 3 small children, 2 jobs and no cleaner this is what worked for us

Small house - limit to what needed to be clean
Keeping clutter down (see below)
Huge amount of storage - we had a basement so could stash a lot of stuff down there. This really eliminates clutter - clutter makes it very hard to stay on top of things
One big box for toys, one big basket for books, one big basket for library books. Everything was chucked into these before we went to bed - kids helped.
A place for everything and put it in its place immediately - not on a countertop or into the sink to whatever. Straight into the dishwasher, the laundry basket, the bin, the cupboard
Wipe and clean as you go along. to this day I never have a big pile of washing up when I cook - I do it /put it in the dishwasher as I cook and clean down the counters/put stuff away as I go too. Also wipe down the bathroom every day.
Sweep/vacuum after dinner.
2 hours proper cleaning on friday evening or saturday morning.

I would say the biggest helps are storage, a place for everything, removing clutter.

That said, the cleaner was the most best luxury I ever got. I love her.

Of course it's possible millions of people manage it just fine.

It's only on MN where people insist a cleaner is an absolute essential.

My house was always super clean, tidy and organised even with young dc. I’m 100% type A. I would reset my DCs toys In the evening and when we left the house 🤣🤣

It's much easier to keep a tiny house when working with older kids than sahm with little ones.

No one is using the house, how messy can it get if youre all working and at school or clubs?

You need to work as a family 15/20minute power time 2 evenings a week. Everyone picks a song and you have music on loud and then blitz the house as a team. Nothing super in depth, basic chuck stuff in the right cupboard, someone else sprays and wipes surfaces, another one is running hoover around. Swap jobs every song or each day whatever works for yours. Very effective with ND as there's no chance to get distracted or stuck one one drawer for 2 hours.

Also robot hoover works wonders for making ND kids actually pick up their stuff without you having to mention it.

I never clean my bathrooms! Well, never all in one go, scrub shower whilst in there, mirrors & sink or loo - something everyday. No bottles, lotions or potions left out, so no shuffling to clean around them. Every thing in storage tubs in a unit and a cleaning pack in each room.
I'm trying this with a lot of tasks!

I think it is possible if you are highly organised and are ok spending hours cleaning/tidying up

but most of us do not have those levels of energy or that organised and really would rather be doing something else

if I could afford a cleaner I would but I can’t so our home is always a bit untidy and could do with vacuuming/dusting more but I would rather be doing something I enjoy like watching tv, going for a coffee, scrolling

we don’t need to make excuses for choosing to spend our time in other ways than cleaning

I wouldn't say my house is perfect all the time but it's visiter ready 95% of the time. Our general routine is:

Daily:

Pots - any day pots done before we start cooking dinner by the person cooking, whoever didn't cook them does after dinner pots and wipes down the kitchen. I normally was any other pots like glasses etc before going to bed

One load of washing is normally done each day and put on the drying rack to be put away the following day (i normally do this before work or on my lunch break of WFH)

Beds are made every morning and cushions fluffed up on sofa. Me & DP tend to wipe the bathroom as we go if needed.

Weekly:

Thursday or Friday night big clean:
DP will clean living room, dining room and kitchen. This includes putting any clutter away, dusting, hoovering, deep clean kitchen, steam mopping wooding floors. Emptying bins, throwing old food away etc. I will do upstairs whilst he's doing that so dust, hoover, steam our bedroom and DD10 room, change bedding, put clutter away. We have a spare room/office so that also gets dusted and hoovered. I will also deep clean the bathroom - I like starting the weekend with a clean house!

Monday morning - I will give downstairs a quick once over before work.

Monthly cleaning items

Deep clean fridge
Wipe skirting boards
Wipe/dust blinds
Clean Porch
Clean stairs
Feather dust ceilings/lamp shades etc

I've probs missed some things but this is our general routine

Make the kids do a lot of it, regardless of whether they whine / stall / do a crap job on purpose etc. Amazing how much less mess they make when they know they'll be the ones clearing up. Any time it's not done properly, bring them back. Every time. Turn off the WiFi, take devices or whatever it takes. Don't make meals or give lifts until it's done.

Never really found it a problem at any stage of children’s lives. Never had a cleaner

tidy and clean as you go, with one clean again at weekend. It’s not difficult

I mange it, but I find it am constantly cleaning all the time no matter what room I go into, theres something that needs to be done or put away. With two chikdren, there no point in having a cleaner for me because the maintenance is continuous and not somwthing that can be maintained by having a cleaner once or twice per week.

Dana K White.

She took my from chaos to a house I can let anyone into. 10 minute to mil ready (30 on a bad day). Her methods are fantastic for people who don’t naturally clean, tidy and organise or just don’t have time to spare.

I tried Flylady and TOMM and they’re both good, but Dana just has a brain that works like mine, plus she’s completely non judgemental.

Listen to the first part of her podcast A Slob Comes Clean where she tells her slob story, then if you want a more systematic version read her book How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind.

1. You can't do it all. If I'm decorating, my standards drop. So you and DH need to agree the basic minimum, even if it means dropping the reno for a few days to get back on top of the house.

1. Podcasts and headphones at the weekends. Weekdays I get up at 7, potter until 8:30ish when DC go to school doing cleaning while they get ready. That's anything from dishes to bathrooms to sweeping, mopping, laundry, literally anything.

1. I don't sit down after work until 7pm, then I don't get off my arse all evening until around 9:30. I clean as I cook amd anything between 9:30 -10pm is me "doing favours" for myself. That means preparing the coffee machine, tidying the kitchen table, putting shoes by the door, picking annoutfit, literally anything and everything to take the load off me in the morning. Morning Me always thanks Yesterday Me, and because Yesterday Me feels like I'm doing Morning Me a favour, it doesn't feel like a burden because I know I could just not do it.

But yeah those are my tips: be realistic, build in downtime and help yourself.

My last adult child just moved out and my house is finally clean and tidy after 26 years.

But also we both really hate having too much stuff and never buy something unless we really need it. And we’re really good at decluttering. We actually just bought a fully furnished house and emptied it of everything we didn’t want, and moved our houseful of stuff in, and it’s still not cluttered. It makes a huge difference to how easy it is to keep the place clean and tidy.

So my advice would be to declutter as much as you can but also hire a cleaner because you are busy, and that’s OK.

Misogynistic wank. If you work hard enough to afford cleaners, it’s absolutely fine and normal. Don’t care about people on minimum wage, they don’t spend their time worrying about me. Have a brief look at history to see just for how many years women have had to manage work, house and kids at the same time. You’ll be surprised to learn it hasn’t been long and it’s not going well. I am proud to say I don’t work and have a cleaner. OP get yourself help if you can.

Yanbu. I don’t think it’s possible personally especially with small children. Unless you both spend all your “down time” hoovering and dusting. 100% get a cleaner.

Great stuff, thanks for the constructive comment.

I'll look into this.

We’ve had a cleaner at times and now we don’t. Would I rather have one - yes but do I think its impossible without if you both work full time - no I think it’s completely possible. But that’s irrelevant as you don’t so get a cleaner, it’s not a moral thing. You can have a cleaner and not work at all and that’s fine. Helps the economy. I pay for lots of stuff I could do myself but I dont want to!

When my children were 10 and 5 dh left. It was a large house and I got up at 5.30 each morning, sorted dishes from
night before, put on washing, made lunches. Got kids up and drove them to school before driving 45 miles to work. Arrived home and apart from dinner and ordinary kids supervision did nothing else. Every Saturday morning I cleaned whole house, did washing ironing etc from 6-11 then we went out. Sunday was party day with lots of friends around. I’m a little lazy by nature but I honestly didn’t find it hard. I knew lots of people in similar circumstances by the end of the children’s childhood and didn’t know anyone who had a cleaner.

I think the house is doable but gardening and house maintenance / DIY on top gets tricky

I answered YANBU because while it’s possible - it’s backbreaking. Especially depending on how many children live in your house and their ages. We have 3 under 10 years old plus full time jobs & a 5 bed house. It’s really exhausting keeping everything very clean (tidying is fine). For example, I devote one hour a week to just doing the skirting boards yet 48 hours later they are dusty again! We’ve not had a cleaner this last year and I’m fed up so we have a new one starting next month.