To think it's impossible to work full time and keep a clean/tidy house without a cleaner?

[FishfingerFlinger]

I feel like I'm constantly desperately trying to keep our house from falling into complete squalor, panicking about unexpected guests when the place looks like a bombsite and it's all generally getting me down.

If you're generally keeping on top of having a presentable, clean house while having a full-time job, DC, but without paying a cleaner...HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Like, really break it down for me - what are you doing, when are you doing it, how much time does it take? Where am I going wrong?

(and before anyone says its a DH problem - he more than pulls his weight, has a demanding full time job and is also managing a renovation project on the side so he's swamped).

as long as he (and everybody else) put things back the way they found them and tidy after them, he's really not a problem 😁

Cleaning is painfully boring but quite quick if you don't have to tidy up first.

You are also more efficient when you use a timer, or have to leave for work, or to pick up the kids in the evening, whenever is easier for you. Most of us faff around too much when changing bedsheets for example, but when you are rushing but doing properly, it's doesn't take that long.

I thought this would be easier as the DC got older but somehow their ability to make mess as tweens/teens has just got worse. One of the DC is neurodivergent and his capacity in particular to leave a trail of destruction behind him is frankly incredible. Just trying to get on top of the basics with him (leaving the house on time fully clothed and with the right school books) can be exhausting.

I should say I have ADHD myself and housework is very much not my forte but I'm hoping to learn here!

I guess the issue here is he’s not working on cleaning/tidying the house.
Both me and DH work full time and the only way we manage without a cleaner is both of us contributing to the cleaning.

It will be harder for you if you’re doing it all by yourself.

I work full time, I'm a single parent, and I manage.
DD and I spend 10 minutes tidying up each evening before she goes up to bed. I wipe down the kitchen sink, hob and countertops when I wash up after every evening meal. I clean the shower whilst I'm in it, put bleach down the loo every night before bed, and wipe down the bathroom sink a couple of times a week. I give the bathroom a deep clean every fortnight during the weekend.
I vacuum/mop downstairs twice a week, upstairs once a week, and DD dusts surfaces once a week.
Laundry gets done at the weekend, then I iron (only certain items) on a Sunday evening whilst watching tv and put them away immediately.
I change the beds every 7-10 days.
Gardening tasks get done every 2-3wks in the summer - DD helps with weeding.
Every 3-4mths I'll spend a full day doing a deep clean. Including: oven, blinds, inside of the windows and skirting boards.
I do pay for the outside of my windows to be cleaned every 3 months, and each spring I get my patios and driveways professionally jet washed.
I find that if you tidy each day and spend a small amount of time cleaning up as you go, it's much easier. Plus, train your family members, especially children from a young age. DD always puts dirty clothes in the laundry basket, wipes toothpaste off the sink and tidies things away that she's been using.

Are your standards too high? We’ve never had a cleaner and work full time.

For me, a cleaner is a necessity.

I work a stressful busy role and I’m a single parent with two teens.

Frankly I’m exhausted anyway and would make myself ill if I tried doing the cleaning on top.

That said, even when exh and I were young and hardly had two beans we prioritised having a cleaner because we just didn’t manage to keep up with it.

People pay a professional for numerous other tasks that they probably could work out how to do if they had too - I don’t see why cleaning should be expected not to cost money if you have some!

Edit - obviously there are numerous daily “cleaning” type tasks that I / the kids do, plus laundry, changing beds etc, but having someone to give the place a proper once over, and in particular clean floors and bathrooms properly, is vital to me.

It is harder with ADHD. I don't have it but a friend does and she explains it as:

Right, time to take this basket of dry washing up to put away.
Ah, clean towels on the banister, I should swap those out.
Now I'll take the dirty ones down to wash.
I quite fancy a coffee. Spots unopened post in kitchen Right, car insurance renewal, I'll check confused.com...

Meanwhile the basket of washing has been abandoned on the landing and she's forgotten that there are now dirty towels in the washing machine that needs switching on.

If you can spot this in yourself, timers and reminders to pull you away from distractions help.

Following with interest. I'm a single parent, have pretty severe adhd (medication has helped a bit), working 40 hours a week with a teenager and it just seems to fill every ounce of my spare time. I do 12.5 hour shifts so doing it before /after work isn't ideal.

I've sort of outsourced my executive function to chat gpt, it gives me timers, reminders, encouragement, I can take a photo of a space and it will break it down into small manageable steps and that has been very useful, but it's still quite overwhelming a lot of the time

I have a good mind to burn every cushion and throw we own as I feel I spend half my life rearranging them only for them to be all over the place five minutes later. Sisyphus had it easy, I swear.

We have always worked full time and managed a clean house, things have changed now we have a toddler. The house always seems untidy. This seems to be the barrier not working full time. I will add before our little one came along we both worked 4 on 4 off so we had 4 days to keep on top of things and both did stuff. Now he still works 4 on 4 off and I work 4 ten hour shifts through the week but we don’t seem to get a minute for a big clean. Hoping this will calm when she starts school nursery next year. It’s not a shit hole but definitely lived in now haha

YANBU. And all this talk of “just clean the bathroom before work” makes me feel defeated - I can barely muster the energy to dress myself!

Darling, it takes a few minutes to clean a whole house IF the house is free from clutter and you don't have to start clearing piles of stuff before swishing a cloth around. Get rid of the chaos first.

What changed things for us was staying in a holiday cottage which had just the basics and nothing unnecessary, eg 6 mugs, 6 dinner plates, everything in its place.
It was so organised and easy to clean.

Inspired by this we had a huge declutter, I was shocked to find that I had 34 pairs of shoes and 68 pairs of knickers along with.....126 dinner plates! I hadn't realised how much the clutter had encroached on our lives, but I had inherited a lot of items and DH had brought the entire contents of his mother's cottage here when she passed away.

The house is so much calmer and easier to keep clean now.

rock, rock bottom. Like "can I let someone into my house without being mortified?" levels.

Ours isn't always clean and tidy but these are things I find that help.

I think the key is definitely to have less stuff. Also doing a minute or two of cleaning or tidying makes a difference. While kettle boiling tidy a few things up. When going upstairs or downstairs, always take something with you.

DD tends to keep his bedroom tidier than everywhere else. So now if he leaves his clothes etc in the bathroom, I just pick it up and put it in a heap just inside his door and close the door. I'm not clearing his crap away for him but means it isn't making communal areas look untidy.

Could you do a car boot sale with DC to get rid of their stuff? They might be happier about it if they are getting the money for it. We've done one with DS recently and it makes a big difference.

We only have a small bathroom but I give the sink and tiles around there a clean while brushing teeth, I clean the shower and tiles while having a shower. Same with toilet, just give it a clean when you use the bathroom. Means the bathroom is pretty much always clean.

Living room is generally always tidy as we don't have much stuff in there. It only takes 10 mins to hoover, wipe over surfaces etc and fold blankets and fluff cushions.

Spare room come office is nearly always a bit of a mess. It helps keep the rest of the house tidy if we have somewhere we can put stuff. Folded washing gets put in there before put away. Clothes horse for drying is in there as we don't have a utility (I would love one).

I keep a few paperback books in there - mostly use Kindle and will get rid of majority of physical books after reading as I don't tend to reread and don't think there is moral superiority in having lots of books displayed on shelves gathering dust. DS has a bookcase in his room but has recently got rid of a lot (see car boot sale) that he doesn't think he'll read again.

Although we have a Henry hoover (which I bloody hate) we also have a cordless hoover which we keep in the kitchen. It means we run the hoover round the kitchen/dining room area most days. It literally takes 2 minutes.

Yes I think we had things more-or-less on an even keel before we started the renovation project and losing a bit DH's capacity has tipped things from "OK" to "constant bombsite", even though I feel like I'm spending much more time myself trying to make up for it.

I feel you! ❤

Agree with cordless hoover!
Also it sounds obvious but keep cleaning stuff together and easily accessible, we used to spend 20 mins trying to find where someone had left the cif. Now, every bathroom has its own little cleaning kit stashed in it.... Having flushable cleaning wipes and method spray to hand really help.
Also! Encourage everyone to use a squeeze in the shower after every single use. Takes seconds but keeps screen clean and reduces likelihood of mould.

It is possible but it’s bloody hard.
My mum kept a spotless house when I was growing up, whilst working full time, but everything had its place and then on Saturdays she spent most of the day cleaning (and as my sibling and I grew up we were roped into help). She had boundless energy though and wouldn’t countenance a cleaner.

A HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX DINNER PLATES? I have questions! Were you hosting banquets?

I definitely think the STUFF situation is a big part of the problem. I'm trying to find time to declutter, one cupboard at a time, but just finding the time to do it is a mission in itself. and it just keeps on creeping back in! I dd our bathroom cabinets not so long ago and it seems they are groaning again with random bottles of this and that.

Ok, so you don't have a DH problem but you clearly have DC problem. Why are they not putting things away, tidying up as they go and have a weekly list of chores?
Also, my guess is that you have too much stuff. It doesn't take long to clean. But it does take a long time to organise clutter before you can even start cleaning.
I spend 10 minutes a day in one room. And things that can be cleaned on the spot are being cleaned by EVERYONE. Brushed your teeth? Wipe the sink and the mirror after. Waiting for a kettle to boil? Empty the dishwasher or wipe the kitchen counter. Took something out of a cupboard? Put it back. Then all I have left to do in my 10 minutes is dust, sweep and mop.
There is zero clutter and I have no "extras" i.e. everyone has two bath towels plus two hand towels for the bathroom in rotation, every bed in the house has two sets of linen, there is one set of dishes per person plus two sets of cups. Nothing is kept "just in case" and everything has its place.
The only "person" who makes a mess in my house without any responsibility to tidy it is a cat. And I am getting a robot vacuum to deal with it because I am already fed up with additional 30 minutes per day it takes me to hoover and mop downstairs since we got him.

It is a group effort that needs the team to put things back after use. It doesn’t happen in this house either. It drives me nuts, Groundhog Day.

Brushed my hair before embarking on the school run? I'm winning at life those days!

But the mortification doesn’t mean your standards aren’t too high. I go to people’s houses where they’re apologising for the mess and I can’t see anything wrong with it.

It's perfectly possible. Unless you own a country estate!

Yabu.

I have too much stuff to keep my house clean. When I was poor and had very very little then cleaning was a breeze! I keep on top of the essentials and use child labour - laundry load every day, youngest fills the dishwasher, oldest washes up half the week (I do other half), youngest sweeps the floors downstairs (well, is supposed to, frequently forgets), oldest helps out with various tasks and vacuums her own room. Then I find if I leave it long enough, my partner vacuums and mops (tbf I work longer hours than him, he usually does it when he has a midweek day off). So hard to find time to clean in the evenings because kids need taking to their activities and weekends often have matches or other things going on. Wish I could afford a cleaner.