To think it's impossible to work full time and keep a clean/tidy house without a cleaner?

[FishfingerFlinger]

I feel like I'm constantly desperately trying to keep our house from falling into complete squalor, panicking about unexpected guests when the place looks like a bombsite and it's all generally getting me down.

If you're generally keeping on top of having a presentable, clean house while having a full-time job, DC, but without paying a cleaner...HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Like, really break it down for me - what are you doing, when are you doing it, how much time does it take? Where am I going wrong?

(and before anyone says its a DH problem - he more than pulls his weight, has a demanding full time job and is also managing a renovation project on the side so he's swamped).

Many women were exhausted and miserable too. Doesn’t mean we all should be.

A cleaner can cost as little as £40 a fortnight, and will be worth every penny if it reduces the mental and physical load of the family. You’re providing employment, and improving your quality of life.

Just get a cleaner.

My SIL did it .
However, she had a very long maternity leave , only one child , had a nanny for her son when he was too young for nursery school .
So the nanny cleaned up after everyone’s breakfast, did a bit of laundry 🧺 for them and tidied as she went.
Also my SIL hardly had a commute, her husband did all the food shopping + any errands that involved driving .
All household chores inside the home were shared eg he did hoovering and dusting, she did any other laundry / ironing.
Cooking was shared and whoever didn’t cook cleaned up after dinner .
Doing their son’s bedtime was shared .
Their house was quite small and she liked to do a clear out / declutter too from time to time

I work full time, 2 kids and 2 dogs. Busy home life. No cleaner. We could afford one but I don’t like the thought of strangers in and around my things or in my house and I was always brought up knowing that if you made a mess you tidy it. I tidy and pick up as I go around the house usually. Both kids have responsibilities in and around the house and DH does his fair share. Kitchen and bathroom are wiped around daily and deep cleaned Friday evening. Takes 10 minutes per room. We have a robot hoover/mop running down stairs daily on a schedule and I put in a wash load of clothes daily as my kids do sports and I have a stinky teenager. Bedding done every two weeks of a weekend. I work in a school and get the holidays which is where I have the time to gut each and every room. I get rid of clutter and deep clean. I’ve noticed once the clutter is gone and you’ve done a good clean, it’s not hard to keep on top of really. It’s getting started that I used to struggle with. I walk around with one of those telescopic dusters and just do bare minimum. Always sat down by 6:30 or out for a dog walk.

It sounds like you've found a work-around that suits your family and which enables your family to enjoy your family life. This, it seems to me, is the point. What the happiest families seem to be able to do is to take their joy from living their lives together. It may be mundane. It is usually at least a little stressful.

But the centre of their world is the lives they are living now as a family.
When, on MN, I read of families managing to do just this thing (even tho' under one stress or another) it points up to me what it is that we're supposed to be doing.

£40 wouldn't even get me two hours cleaning a fortnight, which is honestly not going to make much of a dent. I'd be better off finding an extra 10 mins a day and treating myself to a takeaway with the money.

I would love a regular cleaner, I've had one before, but really I don't have the budget to spend enough for it to make a considerable difference.

I absolutely can't wrap my head around how you can work full time with a busy life and keep a clean house and be sat down and done for the day at 6:30pm. Where are you cramming everything in?

@maddestgrannyyes I agree 100%. I could give up work but we run our business together, I want to be a role model and work hard. That's no insult to stay at home parents, I was one for 4 years after being made redundant after maternity leave, I enjoyed it for a year or so and then I felt like an incomplete and useless person who needed to prove myself. Working has given me a new lease of life and confidence and self esteem. But yes it's about balance isn't it? The issue nowadays though is that people don't have the same luxury we do. We were able to gain this lifestyle by setting our own business up, the only way we managed to set up the business was because my DH made his previous employers very wealthy by turning their business around, when they sold up he got a massive payout so we were mortgage free with a lump of cash in the bank. Nowadays I just can't see young people having that opportunity (I don't mean my DH didn't earn it, he worked 60-70 hours a week for years, but I do believe everything is tougher now).

I wouldn't be able to realistically have no help, work 9-5, manage all school holidays and school kids illnesses, manage the home, eat healthily and exercise AND keep on top of it all and have any quality of life.

sadly a lot of people do this because they have no choice.

Well exactly- it’s not a race to the bottom is it? If you can afford a cleaner get one - because having more time in your week is invaluable. You don’t get a medal for scrubbing floors at midnight exhausted.

Just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s desirable - especially if your DH can’t chip in much.

Sorry I’ve read your update- if you can’t afford one that’s another issue. But it’s exhausting working full time and doing everything at home. It’s not possible to do all that, have a clean house, cook dinner, clean up after dinner and be sat down by 6.30.

We ourselves no favours by pretending it’s easy. There are hacks to help but if your family don’t pull their weight then it is hard.

We are the same. Dinner is done and kitchen tidied by 6:30 in this house. Clubs start at 6pm earliest. If one of the dc decides they are not hungry enough to eat before club the reheat and eat after club. All in bed/bedrooms for 9:30 and my house is spotless. It’s not ALL up to me though, DP is extremely tidy and sorts out the house too.

Absolutely spot on. If your storage spaces contain things that you actually use then you can put things away and this makes a massive difference. Think about how quickly you can clean the kitchen worktops if everything gets stored in the cupboards.

It's boring but little and often is the key with cleaning. Wiping surfaces as you go, using the squeegee on the glass every time you shower, doing a quick daily run around with the hoover, wiping out the oven when you wash up. Then making sure that if you see something that needs doing you deal with it there and then. I also agree that everyone in the house has to play a part.

It can be done but it's not easy and for a family living in a small flat it's always going to be harder than 2 adults who have more space and no children at home. I would say it is doable without a cleaner but I completely understand why people choose that option.

God....I feel so inadequate!
I WFH but am rarely finished before 5.30pm. No chance could I get dinner done, eaten and cleaned up in an hour!

Yeah I know it’s all relative i suppose. We finish work at 4:30 and have a 15min commute.
i meal plan so I know what I’m cooking each morning and I prep the minute I walk in the door. We don’t faff we just do it. One of us starts dinner and the other sorts things like feeding the cat, opening and putting away post/parcels. Putting away lunchboxes etc. when dinner is finished everything goes straight into the dishwasher (some bits are washed by hand) and the kitchen is wiped down. We tidy as we go as it’s easier.

My cleaner is 51 quid for three hrs every friday, so 40 quid two hrs a fortnight doesnt sound outlandish.

Yeah earliest we are home is 6:15pm and we are never really double teaming. So I guess if you have 2 people on the case from 4:45pm you’ve got 3hrs a day head start on me.

Well exactly and those things make a huge difference.

There’s a guy on TikTok called Timothy Dew. He’s made AI videos on decluttering and keeping on top of the house, the Japanese way. I found him really interesting.

Second the Dana K White suggestion. She has 3 books, one on decluttering, another on cleaning and a third that's new, about overcoming procrastination, so take your pick depending on what you think would help the most.

She also has a website and podcast and you can get AI to summarise her decluttering method if you don't buy the book. One key point she makes is the 'container concept' ie you have limited space to put things away, you need to reduce the amount of stuff of that type you have to fit in that space tidily so you can find things.

Lighten up a bit. Does it matter if its not a showhome? No. Give yourself a break. X

We manage it (just!). Two children, two full time working adults but a relatively small house.

We quite ruthlessly declutter so there’s not just stuff everywhere and do little and often.
Kitchen is wiped down every night, house is hoovered everyday, things are just put away, not put down. If something is messy or grubby, it just gets cleaned there and then rather than waiting for a arbitrary cleaning day.

Then on a Saturday morning one of us bites the house. Because it’s not hugely messy, and we keep on top of it, it doesn’t take that long at all. I think once it becomes a habit it’s much easier - we don’t even think about it now. I do also find itceasier when we’re all out all day at work than weekends and school holidays when we’re home making a mess!

Oh and robot hoover - run it when we leave for work after breakfast so we’re home etc to clean floors, and once we’ve gone up for bath/bedtime with the kids.

You have to spend your weekend cleaning. Or evening. Very boring. So my house isn’t clean.

I don't think it's that onerous, but then my standards are not especially high, and I'm only doing half of it.

The kitchen gets a clean every night after dinner when washing up (about 50/50, depending on who is busy) and DH will do it after lunch too if he is home.

DH does a load of washing every day, and we don't iron.

We tidy up clutter as we go. Robot hoover.

Once a week we spend an hour or so, where we do a bathroom each, and I'll do a proper hoover upstairs, and he will do a deeper clean/mop of the kitchen. If either of us is busy the other will do it all.

Maybe a bathroom once over, once mid week.

It doesn't seem too bad, though I am not quite full time hours, and we both wfh a lot.

Roborock self emptying and cleaning vacuum and mop. Got it for about £500 in the sale, so the equivalent of about five cleans from a cleaner in our house.

Honestly once the floors are done, it’s easy enough to keep on top of the surfaces in the kitchen, dining table, coffee tables etc. I do those before work while waiting for my coffee.

Big difference for us is a pretty basket in the corner where we put all of the stuff that was accumulating on one end of the table. Go through it once every couple of weeks.

Upstairs however is a mess 🙈 with clutter and stuff. But downstairs is mostly open plan, and it’s fine for guests to drop in, fairly clean, floors always done

If at any time my DH helps out (he works away so not often) it is soooo much easier and quicker and I wonder what it would be like having someone round to help. I can’t imagine him doing the laundry - my life would be so much easier. Not to be underestimated if you have a DH that helps out.

It wouldn’t seem so bad to me if we were splitting the load at home and I’m sure OP feels the same.