To think it's impossible to work full time and keep a clean/tidy house without a cleaner?

[FishfingerFlinger]

I feel like I'm constantly desperately trying to keep our house from falling into complete squalor, panicking about unexpected guests when the place looks like a bombsite and it's all generally getting me down.

If you're generally keeping on top of having a presentable, clean house while having a full-time job, DC, but without paying a cleaner...HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Like, really break it down for me - what are you doing, when are you doing it, how much time does it take? Where am I going wrong?

(and before anyone says its a DH problem - he more than pulls his weight, has a demanding full time job and is also managing a renovation project on the side so he's swamped).

I don't think it's possible. DH pulls his weight and works FT, I work with him 9-3 M-F and a few hours at home. When I finish work I make all evening meals and packed lunches for the next day and run kids to activities 4 evenings a week. We have a cleaner 4 hours a week and I outsource ironing but we still spend a full weekend day doing jobs that need doing in the house and garden, supermarket shopping, home and kids admin etc. we do have a hit of spare evening time during the week but we use that to exercise or relax. Realistically for us the only way we would manage without the outsourced help would be to lose all exercise and family time to do it. Thats no way to live for us, I appreciate we are lucky to have this choice.

But it’s clearly still not impossible as so many people manage it without paying for help 🤔

It’s honestly only on MN that people claim to have absolutely no time to do housework (yet they seem
to manage spend hours on here every week).

As PP has said it’s a matter of priorities - a messy home is bad for my mental health and I can’t easily afford a cleaner so I choose to spend an hour or so a day on maintaining my home. Other people might prefer an extra hour in bed or to go to the gym or whatever instead. Which is fine - but that still doesn’t mean that keeping a clean home is impossible without help. It just means it’s not as important for some as it is for others.

Ok but half an hour twice a day is a lot. I get up at 6 and between then and 7:30 I get myself a d kids ready, make breakfast and tidy up. Then at 7:30 we leave the house (either me or husband taking them, the other going straight to work). Then get in just after 6 and prepare tea. After eating then have a small amount of time with kids and then start getting them ready for bed. At 8 the kids are in bed I tidy up the tea things and toys. Then there is 2.5 hours before bed where I might need to do an additional hour of work as I needed to leave early to collect kids, prepare packed lunches for the next day etc and sort out laundry. Fitting in that additional hour of cleaning that you talk about not being much leaves absolutely zero time to relax. So of course impossible might not be the right word but it sometimes feels impossible to do that and remain sane.

See, I just don’t feel like 30 minutes twice a day is a lot. It might feel that way when you’re shattered but ultimately I enjoy a clean home and doing this gives more time and money to do other, much more enjoyable things.

I think what it comes down to is routine, standards and time management. I work 8-4:30 (as does my DP) we are home by 5 most days and dinner is on the table for 6. We are in bed at 9:30. I don’t stay up cleaning after the dc are in bed (yes my 10 yr old and 13 yr old are in bedrooms by 9:30! Lights out for 10yr old at 9:30. 13 yr old is 10-10-30) I just clean as I go, no clutter, organised spaces and a place for everything. I don’t spend my evenings cleaning either. I might do one job but we all keep the house ticking over tbh.

I really don't know how much time I spend cleaning - not regular day to day stuff that you need to keep on top of.
You mention tidying up - that surely comes under the banner of clean/tidy house.
It's just part of running a home.
1 hour of hoovering, cleaning bathrooms, dusting, changing bed linen - yeah that would be quite a lot during a busy working week, but an hour a day to maintain a clean and tidy home (kitchen clean and tidy, bathroom had a wipe around if needed, clutter away, on top of laundry etc) is just routine isn't it?

I think one of the things that I find challenging is doing it day in, day out.

Sometimes I get on a good roll with things, find I'm keep stuff clean and tidy for a period. Then it just takes a few days when you can't because life gets in the way (working extra hours, a night out, you're ill, whatever) and then instead of finding 30mins/1 hour in your day for housework it needs 2-3 hours and you can't magic that time up. That's when stuff spirals for me.

Also mentally it's about the least rewarding work properly because it's just never done. There's no sense of accomplishment at all. And usually it gets undone as fast as it's done.

Of course it’s routine the question is whether you do it all yourself or outsource some to a cleaner.

the vast vast majority of people with a cleaner are still spending some time a week tidying and cleaning - doing the dishwasher, washing up, wiping down surfaces after eating/cooking, putting things away etc. But just doing that alone doesn’t necessarily give a clean enough house that doesn’t lead to lots of dust, sticky floors etc

I got nothing against cleaners at all, but most clean, they don't tidy, so it's only helpful to a point.

I just don't agree with the choice being having a tidy home OR spending time with your kids. I have more time with my own kids in a tidy home personally.

YANBU - both DH and I work full-time, 2 DC and we both have hobbies in the week. Our house isn't squalid and things get cleaned regularly (toilets, kitchen) etc but it's untidy, stuff everywhere most of the time and I can't remember the last time we did a deep clean. I should probably be ashamed, but I'm also accepting that we can only do our best with the time we have when we have no cleaner (or £ to pay for one). Our clothes are clean, beds are changed regularly, there's no grime in the bathroom and no one has food poisoning because of poor hygiene, so I cut myself some slack!

Yes, exactly. I also find a messy house really impacts my sanity 😂

Me and my teenage son do it all.
I manage to work full time and have a clean house w/o having a cleaner - like most people I imagine.
Headphones in - get on with it!

Sounds great, hopefully when my sons are teenagers I can also have them help. At their current ages they are probably keen to help but whilst they can help with tidying with cleaning they are more a hinderance than help (age 3&5)

For sure!
I presume you and your husband share the workload fairly though.

Bring him back and ask him to throw it away and wipe down the spot where it was placed. Do it every time until it is engrained. At least that's what my parents did when I was growing up. Mum didn't run after me to tidy and wash my dishes. She would come and get me every time I left a mess somewhere and ask me to clean up after myself.

I do think small differences in people's schedules make a big difference.

Today for instance:
6:45-:8;15 - packed lunches breakfasts and harassing DC to get up/dressed
8:15-9:00 - school run
9:00-4:30 -work
4:30-6:15 - take DC to sports club (will either work on laptop or go to gym while they are at sport)
6:15-6:50 - prep and eat dinner
6:50-700 - drop DC at another club
7:00-8:00 - online meeting
8:00-8;20 - FREE
8:20-8:40 - pick up DC
8:40 - 9:30 - chat to DC/deal with any admin, help them prep for next day, get them to bed
9:30 onwards FREE

I'll do a few bits like unloading dishwasher in the morning but other than that I've got a 20min window at 8pm or after 9:30pm available.

Agree the people who say it is very doable either have more time available for cleaning or less cleaning to do

You’re right the cleaner typically doesn’t tidy so I focus my time on the tidying and the essential daily cleaning and leave the rest to the cleaner. Of course if I spend a large chunk of my weekend doing the cleaning myself (and it will probably take me longer than a cleaner) that eats in to time for me to play with my kids or I do it when they are in bed and have no time to myself.

My point was that I find it difficult to consistently find the time. Ultimately I don't think people are missing work deadlines or their DC's piano recital in order to mop the kitchen floor so for most people it's probably the first thing to slide when they're busy. But then it still needs doing so you're playing catch-up.

Agree.
definitelh recommend the robot vacuum/mop though - makes a big difference to be - helps me feel like I am semi on top of it between cleaner visits without doing anything

I do my best and it's just about OK but it would be miles better if I could afford a cleaner. I have OCD and not being able to keep it as clean as actually a bit of a toll on my MH.

I have a cleaner and I only work 30 hours - I just cannot be arsed with it!

The way I see it, I am creating work for someone else to earn a living and not having to spend my free time doing endless shit like cleaning - win win!

We found it a lot easier to keep the house clean when we were both working with one child in nursery and then school with wraparound care compared to now where there we have one in full time work, one SAHP with a 1 and 6y old!

Before we were up and out within 20-30 minutes of getting up and only home for ~1h before bedtime. Slot in breakfast and dinner and there wasn't a lot of time for the house to get messy so it was easier to keep clean.

Now I have the 6 year old at home from 3.30-4 with toys and games and the 12 month old all day and is in a destructive phase.

It's harder to keep on top of the cleaning because there's so much tidying to do first. We have less structure to our days and I've been unwell for the last 14 months so that's not helped either.

My top tip previously for keeping on top of house work was to prioritise vacuuming. I found I automatically tidied and dusted as I went round each of the rooms and dealt with any half worn clothes on the floor etc.

it is possible, I had 4 dks. Worked nights, nursing, for several years 5 nights. Economy 7, machine went on early in the morning was ready for me, when I got home. Put it out, youngest walked to school with the 2 dogs. also had 1/4 acre of garden, chicken and countless animals. Made sure place was tidy before I went to bed..Up at 2,to collect DD from school. Dgc born the following year, often looked after him and then a friend's 4 kids after school..I grew up in a messy chaotic house,I couldn't stand it. Wouldn't want a cleaner. Ex H had his own cleaning company, tried employing people, everyone was a let down. A place for everything, everything in it's plenty. I didn't have a huge amount of help,no dishwasher,I have one now,kids grown up,look after dgks, and feel I deserve one.

It depends on your situation. No children but we do have a dog and 2 cats so there is def a mess if not cleaned. We both work remotely though, so our work days are 9 to 5 with breaks so if we weren't able to also keep the house clean we wouldn't get much sympathy. If our work days were 6 to 8, that would be a different story.

Our pet sitter however also has a cleaning company so whenever we go on holiday, every 2 months or so, we also pay for a deep clean.