AIBU to think my cousin cannot claim exclusive use of a name?

[Jhun11]

To give context, I had my daughter a year ago and chose a French inspired name that matched with my first daughters. We actually had the name on the short list for my first daughter too who is 3. It’s in the top 100 UK names at just under 50 and is climbing!

My male cousin, who is 10+ years older than me and his wife are FURIOUS that our second daughters name is the same as their youngest! she is around 7 years old.

I’m sure at the time they chose the name it was quite uncommon. It’s really not now! As mentioned it’s in the top UK names at just under 50 and is increasing in popularity.

We live in opposite ends of the UK. Literally different countries. In the last decade we’ve seen my cousin and his wife maybe 4/5 times at family weddings/grandparents big birthday. We have met their children twice. We don’t talk/ even have each other on social media.

They have ripped us apart to our grandparents. We have been called self absorbed, disgusting and selfish. This was all happening whilst my daughter was in hospital for 2 weeks as a newborn. We have been accused of ‘replacing’ their daughter in the family by using her name. They will apparently never speak to us again or come to another family event! We’ve been hearing this for over a year and it’s continuing. The latest is I have personally destroyed the family for using their name and should have asked their permission before doing so. None of this has been said directly to us but exhausted grandparents keep us in the loop.

I can honestly say when choosing our name the fact they had the same one did not even enter my head as something that should be considered/ could be an issue. We never even had a conversation as a family/with my parents or siblings etc whether it could be a reason not to use it. It was something me and my husband chose after trawling the internet and going through our narrowed down lists from my first daughter. It’s a gorgeous name that matches my firsts perfectly and was one of the few we agreed on. I don’t know if my mind set is just entirely different to others but I can genuinely say that someone else using the same name as one of my children whether they be family or friends would NOT bother me at all. They are gorgeous names and I don’t think you can claim exclusivity over a name. Just to confirm it is not something made up or really unusual.

I would understand the issue more if they lived close by/ they would be in the same school/ same age/ same friends/ same surname/ we were close friends - but none of the above are true.

& to add the very best part to the story… their first daughter has an extremely common name. Top 3 for the last ten years. Our other cousin has used the exact same name (though spelt differently by one letter) and there has been no issue with that at all!!

I honestly think the whole situation is bizarre. Suppose I just want to gauge how many people it would actually bother?

Sorry for the typos!

Personally for me I think of all the names in world why would you call it a name that’s already in the family. Your grandparents now have 2 grandchildren with the same name.

Anyone that uses that word in a passive statement is far too rough to have an opinion....

We liked 2 girls names and 3 boys names. Genuinely didn't like more names than that.

Had a girl and knew 7 ACTUAL 7 girls with that name. So we called them the same name as their cousin

As I said personally for me!
my husband wanted to name our son after his grandad. His cousin already is so it was a no.

My husband has the exact same name as one of his (first) cousins. Same first, middle and surname, use the same diminutive. They think it's funny. They don't live that close to each other so it's not like they were at the same school growing up, where there might be a case to be a bit annoyed. MIL also thinks it's funny and is still closed friends with her SIL. No harm done.

Your cousin is batshit!

Is it Elodie? Beautiful name! I would’ve chosen it for DD but my real name is similar.

They are batshit by the way.

They are nuts OP.
They have no issues with another of your cousins using the same name as one of their children ?
Why are they so bothered about you ? Has the cousin always been jealous of you or something ?

Both of my mums brothers gave their first born the same name so they are actual cousins with the same name. No one batted an eyelid.

Lucy is not an uncommon name.

I hope other family members are telling them to get over themselves?

I picked out my kid’s name before I turned 10. Damn straight no random cousin using that name would have stopped me 😀

Thank you all for your replies. So great to see 90% agree with me! Just to add/reply to comments & questions.

• I also think they are unhinged
• It really doesn’t upset or bother me but I was really interested to understand whether I was on my own in my thoughts 😅
• Totally get names can be so special to individuals but names are not unique to you IMO. Especially in the top 100 list.
• It is no loss to my family if we never see them again. 99% likely the next time we see them would be a funeral & not again after.
• no idea why they’ve taken issue with us and not our mutual cousin who also used the same name as their first child! Maybe that different letter so different spelling makes all the difference?!
• Grandparents repeating info- my cousins parents though LOVELY to our face & buys the baby gifts/ sends birthday cards etc have a lot to say to their parents/ my grandparents. They live close by so think it’s a frequent convo. Agree it doesn’t need to be repeated to our side!
• Grandparents do not think we’ve done anything wrong and do not care that two great grandchildren share the same name.
• To the couple who said it’s ‘basic’ and ‘unoriginal’. You like what you like! I like normal/traditional/actual names so you will ALWAYS hear these repeated. I literally chose a pretty name that we loved and gave no consideration to the fact they had it too because there really is NO relationship between us. I would never avoid a name I LOVED because I knew someone with it!
• Deffo not a cultural or religious issue.
• The name is not unique. It has been mentioned in the thread! Names come in cycles through generations. At some point Olivia wasn’t common!
• ‘It would have been polite to have asked their permission’ - I don’t even have their number! But being totally honest it didn’t even occur to me that we were using a name they had used too. That’s literally how little we bother. But also if id asked and they had said no? 😂
• The few people who have said I’m wrong have done so rather aggressively which just confirms to me people who think such a non issue is SUCH a big issue are quite OTT 🤷🏼‍♀️

This! Your grandparents sound like they are loving the drama.

It is weird to use the same name in my opinion but it seems a 50/50 split really on weird/not weird.

You’ve only seen them a few times but you seem to speak to your grandparents reasonably often, and your cousins parents maybe? So obviously they’re on your radar and you must hear about them in passing. That name has been Cousin’s Child’s name for 6 years. Didnt it come to your mind at all that that name was their kid’s name and make you feel like you wanted your “own” name?

Mah e they may be pissed because it is a special name (like a dead relative or something?) didn’t they actually say? What did your grandparents say when you asked why they don’t care that the other cousins used their first child’s name?

and anyone saying families have lots of names that get used all the time, that’s because they’re family names. Like purposely done that way. Ie grandad’s name. Or a family name as a middle name. Not just a random name your cousin called her kid that you then nab.

“They will apparently never speak to us again or come to another family event!”

Their loss not yours, OP. You call your DC whatever you like - it’s nothing to do with anyone else, and most particularly not some distant cousin you rarely see. They need something to worry about if they’re still going on about it a year later - it’s not as though you’re going to change DC’s name at this juncture!

My Nanny had 12 children, four of them named their daughters the same name and three even shared a surname. They were all born in the same year as well. I was the odd one out as my DM picked a hideous name for me😀

They're completely unhinged.
Don't give them a second's thought.

This nonsense keeps coming up.

Two of my GC have the same name - no-one gives a fig - why would they?

It’s a 90/10 split. 90% see no issue!

Speak to grandparents regularly- not aunt/uncle.

Can honestly say they do not come up in discussion unless they’ve been to visit grandparents which is 1/2 times a year.

As far as I’m concerned my daughter has her own name 🤷🏼‍♀️ different middle, different surname, different personality, different looks, interests etc. she is her own person with a name a literal stranger has. I’ve met the 7 year old 2 times & my daughter will never meet her 🙈 she will know more people in her school/town with the name than she does my cousins child!

no dead relative as far as I know.

I haven’t asked why my grandparents don’t care? They just think it’s extremely childish and OTT. They Can’t understand it!

First reply has it. Nutshell. Bonkers. Ignore.

I have 32 cousins, three of which (younger than me) all have the same first name as me or a slight variation of it. Think something like Kate, Catherine, Kathy type thing.

No-one has a monopoly on names and to be honest, they should take it as a compliment.

There was a name I once loved and intended to name my female chid but then as an adult, I met someone with that name, who I grew to despise for their meanness and that forever coloured my use of that name and its NEVER going to appear in my family tree if I can help it.

So I tell myself 3 younger cousins with my name is a compliment!

Weird. DH cousin has a daughter with the same name as DD. She's a year or two younger than DD I think, we've only met her once. Never thought to be offended

They are loonies, see the never speaking to you again as a Bruce bonus.

And, do they have other kids? Maybe a good time to get a new pet and recycle another name 😆.

So funny how people put you of a name! My other Nan knew a Mildred when she was younger (shows the times!) who hated being called Millie but loved Mildred. She was apparently horrible and so rude to anyone who said Millie my Nan practically forbid me from using Millie which was my husbands top name 😂 x

YANBU, they are being ridiculous.

My cousin who is a couple of years younger than me has the same name. I'm female and he is male.
It's a very common boys name but was petty unusual for girls when I was growing up.
I never minded sharing my name with him.

I only found out a short while ago that my mum was actually cross about it. She was obviously much more sensible than your relatives because we used to visit my Aunt, Uncle and cousin quite often and were friendly so my mum obviously never made a fuss about the name even though she was pissed off about it.