AIBU to think my cousin cannot claim exclusive use of a name?

[Jhun11]

To give context, I had my daughter a year ago and chose a French inspired name that matched with my first daughters. We actually had the name on the short list for my first daughter too who is 3. It’s in the top 100 UK names at just under 50 and is climbing!

My male cousin, who is 10+ years older than me and his wife are FURIOUS that our second daughters name is the same as their youngest! she is around 7 years old.

I’m sure at the time they chose the name it was quite uncommon. It’s really not now! As mentioned it’s in the top UK names at just under 50 and is increasing in popularity.

We live in opposite ends of the UK. Literally different countries. In the last decade we’ve seen my cousin and his wife maybe 4/5 times at family weddings/grandparents big birthday. We have met their children twice. We don’t talk/ even have each other on social media.

They have ripped us apart to our grandparents. We have been called self absorbed, disgusting and selfish. This was all happening whilst my daughter was in hospital for 2 weeks as a newborn. We have been accused of ‘replacing’ their daughter in the family by using her name. They will apparently never speak to us again or come to another family event! We’ve been hearing this for over a year and it’s continuing. The latest is I have personally destroyed the family for using their name and should have asked their permission before doing so. None of this has been said directly to us but exhausted grandparents keep us in the loop.

I can honestly say when choosing our name the fact they had the same one did not even enter my head as something that should be considered/ could be an issue. We never even had a conversation as a family/with my parents or siblings etc whether it could be a reason not to use it. It was something me and my husband chose after trawling the internet and going through our narrowed down lists from my first daughter. It’s a gorgeous name that matches my firsts perfectly and was one of the few we agreed on. I don’t know if my mind set is just entirely different to others but I can genuinely say that someone else using the same name as one of my children whether they be family or friends would NOT bother me at all. They are gorgeous names and I don’t think you can claim exclusivity over a name. Just to confirm it is not something made up or really unusual.

I would understand the issue more if they lived close by/ they would be in the same school/ same age/ same friends/ same surname/ we were close friends - but none of the above are true.

& to add the very best part to the story… their first daughter has an extremely common name. Top 3 for the last ten years. Our other cousin has used the exact same name (though spelt differently by one letter) and there has been no issue with that at all!!

I honestly think the whole situation is bizarre. Suppose I just want to gauge how many people it would actually bother?

Lilibet 2.0?

I agree it is bonkers. But I also know another family where this happened. People are strange.

Oh, don't be ridiculous. There are three people called Alex in my family - two male and one female and nobody is batting an eyelid. My aunt's husband and their first son have the same name which is actually a pretty common thing across the world. You don't have a monopoly on a name so someone else choosing the same name as a virtual stranger whom they see once every three years is not "cunty" or "basic". It's something which doesn't even cross a normal person's mind.
In your shoes, OP, I ask grandparents to keep you out of it and that you don't need to be kept in a loop about something you can't and won't change anyway.

Your grandparents should tell them to fuck off and leave them alone about it! Really out of order to lecture elderly grandparents about all this.

They are being ridiculous. My cousin and have the same name. It's a known name but not super common, less so in the late 70s/early 80s. We were, and still are, despite being in our 40s called big Janif and small Janif which our kids find hilarious.

Why do you even care? Just ignore, you hardly ever see them any way

They are being ridiculous. I have 8 cousins and we have 15 children between us. There are 2 James, 2 Alex (one boy & one girl) and 2 Emmas. It literally didn’t occur to any of us that anyone else would mind.

My cousin did it. And whilst i wasnt fussed, i did find it weird she did it. There was a family uproar when her brother was born and given the same name as another 🤭

It would have been polite to ask them, even just as a formality then go ahead and name her what you like anyway.

One of my best friends asked for my permission to give her daughter my name as she liked it, not naming after me or anything. As if I’d have objected to that!

Personally I wouldn’t choose the same name for my children as my cousin’s children and I see them as frequently as you do (if even that!)

For your grandparents to have two great grandchildren with the same exact name must be a bit odd, no?

I think this too. There’s thousands of names…

I'm called the same name as my cousin. Weird to think that this could be a problem for anyone.

Just ignore them and tell your grandparents to stop shit stirring.

I would ask relatives to stop keeping you in the loop with what these mad dipshits are saying about you. And if the relatives had any sense they would tell these 2 to pack it in and get over it. Honestly, if only we were all as fortunate as they clearly are, if this is the thing that stresses them out.

There’s not thousands of names that both parents in a couple like, that “go with” the names of siblings and that aren’t “ruled out” by being the names of close family, pets, friends, godchildren etc.

The girls are third cousins and will hardly see each other. Meh.

First response nails it.

They are weird, we have a large family, there’s a couple of Big jacks and little jacks for example.

Where do you stop? You avoid the names of Cousins , aunts and uncles, second cousins, removed cousins, the name of any child you know, the name of any person you know

the cousins are never going to be close, they are unlikely to recognise each other if they ever met

Crikey sounds like a whole lot of useless drama.
I’ve named my daughter same as my cousin daughter…no issues. Another cousin has named there child the same as another cousin (quite a rare name) no drama. When my Gran was alive she never mentioned the duplicate names - we are quite a large family so bound to be some duplications.

The only strange one is old family names haven’t been reused - which my Gran was happy about as she never wanted any of us to use her name as she hated it (it went back a few generations) and we had multiple Mary’s going back across the family in all directions - no longer no more Mary’s.

If the name is uncommon, they should be flattered. If it isn't, they shouldn't be too surprised. They're being odd about it. Just ignore and rise above it all and enjoy your new baby.

Is it Margot? I've noticed that name climbing and it is a bit French?

This. Absolutely

Your language and attitude is basic.

OP you’ve done nothing wrong. If a family member used my child’s name, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Think these cousins have a green eye to take it so personally.

Now that i think of it I have the same name as two of my first cousins. Both about 5 years older than me. I never thought about it til now. It was never an issue.

I don't understand the angst when you hardly see each other.

One of my husband's cousins has something like 13 kids. By the time you've crossed them off the list, then all other cousins children, the cousins themselves, siblings and their children, your parents and grandparents and repeat for the other side of the family. When you add in step parents too and their family it gets even crazier!

That's a hell of a lot of names you can't choose.

If you saw them regularly and were all close I think it would be different but 4 times in 10 years is hardly ever.

I don't really know how grandoarents and great grandparents fit into it all, all these relations give me a headache at the best of times (I have no cousons!) but I don't see what the issue is. In conversation most people just use the term x children collectively "I have the grandkids today" "Bob is visiting with his children" If you really needed to be specific then it could be "Bobs Annabelle got an award" "Henry's Theadora is playing Cinderella in the school play"

I could understand if first cousins had the same name and you saw each other several times a year and were all really close but otherwise it's all just a fuss over nothing (in my opinion anyway)

I was seriously raging when I told my cousins wife my favourite girl name when we both were pregnant...yeah, she stole it from me 🤬. I had a boy, can't call a boy Lucy though 😂. Quite glad now as im not keen on the name these days. I have a ryan (son) and a ara (daughter). 🥰