AIBU to think my cousin cannot claim exclusive use of a name?

[Jhun11]

To give context, I had my daughter a year ago and chose a French inspired name that matched with my first daughters. We actually had the name on the short list for my first daughter too who is 3. It’s in the top 100 UK names at just under 50 and is climbing!

My male cousin, who is 10+ years older than me and his wife are FURIOUS that our second daughters name is the same as their youngest! she is around 7 years old.

I’m sure at the time they chose the name it was quite uncommon. It’s really not now! As mentioned it’s in the top UK names at just under 50 and is increasing in popularity.

We live in opposite ends of the UK. Literally different countries. In the last decade we’ve seen my cousin and his wife maybe 4/5 times at family weddings/grandparents big birthday. We have met their children twice. We don’t talk/ even have each other on social media.

They have ripped us apart to our grandparents. We have been called self absorbed, disgusting and selfish. This was all happening whilst my daughter was in hospital for 2 weeks as a newborn. We have been accused of ‘replacing’ their daughter in the family by using her name. They will apparently never speak to us again or come to another family event! We’ve been hearing this for over a year and it’s continuing. The latest is I have personally destroyed the family for using their name and should have asked their permission before doing so. None of this has been said directly to us but exhausted grandparents keep us in the loop.

I can honestly say when choosing our name the fact they had the same one did not even enter my head as something that should be considered/ could be an issue. We never even had a conversation as a family/with my parents or siblings etc whether it could be a reason not to use it. It was something me and my husband chose after trawling the internet and going through our narrowed down lists from my first daughter. It’s a gorgeous name that matches my firsts perfectly and was one of the few we agreed on. I don’t know if my mind set is just entirely different to others but I can genuinely say that someone else using the same name as one of my children whether they be family or friends would NOT bother me at all. They are gorgeous names and I don’t think you can claim exclusivity over a name. Just to confirm it is not something made up or really unusual.

I would understand the issue more if they lived close by/ they would be in the same school/ same age/ same friends/ same surname/ we were close friends - but none of the above are true.

& to add the very best part to the story… their first daughter has an extremely common name. Top 3 for the last ten years. Our other cousin has used the exact same name (though spelt differently by one letter) and there has been no issue with that at all!!

I honestly think the whole situation is bizarre. Suppose I just want to gauge how many people it would actually bother?

My sister called her Daughter the exact same name as our Cousins little girl and not one person In our family has even realised it's a non issue.
Ignore them.. smile and wave 🤣

I would start sending birthday cards to their same-name daughter but spell the name wrong just to piss them off even more. 😁

They sound a bit mental. Best ignored.

My husband has 3 cousins with the same name. Same surname too…. It’s not an issue as they live in different counties.

Not Unreasonable at all. I have the same name as a cousin and so do. Couple others.

It’s Amelie isn’t it

It would bother me but my kids name isn’t in the top 100 or anywhere near. It also doesn’t really make sense for someone else to use it. I was furious at a friend for using it and would be if a family member did, but if the name isn’t that unusual you haven’t done anything wrong.

If you never see them, just ask the grandparents not to mention it any more and forget about it!

There are so many names it does seem a bit weird to chose one the same as your cousin. I’d avoid the same name as a work colleague or old friend’s child, even if I never saw them again!

I wouldn’t say it’s rude to do it or go mad like your cousins, but in my head I’d think you were unoriginal.

So there are 3 kids in the family with the same name? Tbh I don't get the looking at the top 50 names thing and I wouldn't care if someone uses my daughters name. Never met another person with it anyway.

It's a weird situation OP. Tell the exhausted grandparents you don't want to hear any more about it and to stop feeding it.

So you have heard all this through the grandparents? Do you think there is an element of stirring going on? Assuming they are in contact with
both families how go
they think you can rub along together on the rare occasions you see each other ?

A sibling used the longer version of my child's name before my child was born. It was a name I've loved since childhood so I didn't care what anyone else thought.

Cultural?

In Jewish culture it is wishing people dead. The replacing comment might be more literally?

It's pathetic that some people think that they have the right to reserve a name. Empty lives and empty minds with nothing better to think about.

Ha! My mother came from a very large family which spread out, geographically, with marriage. I have three cousins called Martin and four called Peter. Curiously, I don't think any of the girl-cousins share a name.

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, and the grandparents need to either shut them down or you tell them in stop repeating their pathetic behaviour.

I did find it odd when I was pregnant that SIL told DH not use certain names because they were what she wanted to use for the DC she hoped to have in the future.

This

Meh
They’re overreacting
I have 3 sets of cousins call eg: Bill and Ben. Two maternal sets of cousins, so yes, my GP had 2 x 2 grandsons with the same names.

On the face of it, they sound unhinged/bitter/nasty.

I feel there’s more to it though. 1/ Because you over explained yourself and reemphasised things your post 2/ because they didn’t act like that with your other cousin.

Are you certain that it’s not just the grandparents doing some shit-stirring because it’s actually them who don’t like you using the same name?

It’s not in the least bit odd to choose the same name. I have multiple cousins named for our grandfather (big family) and multiple cousins with kids the same name even living just a few miles apart. This is not weird but their reaction absolutely is. People like your cousin are really tiresome. They think they are “special” and that the name they chose is special and that it makes any bloody difference. Throughout history every other British fella was called John (or cultural variation thereof) and no one was ever bothered about it. I’ve taught more Mohammeds than you can shake a stick at - even actual brothers both with the same name ! - and never got them mixed up.

Please don’t give this another thought. Your cousin is an idiot.

‘We’re a bit miffed’. When would anyone either know or care what your child’s second middle name is in day-to-day life? Crazy.

In the last decade we’ve seen my cousin and his wife maybe 4/5 times at family weddings/grandparents big birthday

Going forward, I wouldn't see them as frequently as this - they are unhinged!
Take no notice of course OP. Jesus, my partner's name is the same as his dad, grandad and great grandad! How's that for having the same names....

Truly entitled.

No one owns a name. If it’s a “family” name then I would be okay with it. If not a family name I would be pissed too. I mean there’s plenty of names in the whole world so it seems lazy and a bit arsey to pick the same.