Unbalanced Inheritance Division

[Stilson]

I'll keep it brief, my parents both died some time ago, and I can't get over this.

The estate was split with 20% going to me and 80% to my sister. She gets £160k I get £40k.

Both about the same age, both been a part of the family equally, she is wealthier than me by a large margin.

I want to cut all ties as she refuses to balance out the amounts, even a 60:40 split.

We're it the other way round I would be uncomfortable with the settlements and would rectify it, she won't.

AIBU?

I believe her

So this came as a total shock to you? That is bizarre.

My mother hates my guts and I doubt I will be getting a penny from her estate, but it definitely won’t be remotely surprising when it happens.

Very unusual.

It’s their wishes. Can’t stand grabby people when it comes to inheritance

Entitled, how?

So a little follow up.

The will is legal. She probably was the favourite child but not by much, can you put a percentage on that.

I'm not asking for a 50:50 split just an evening up, ie 60:40.

She has refused hiding behind the "I don’t know why but I'm still honouring they're wishes"

Yes £40k is a lot of money, but the extra amount would make more of a difference to me than it might to her.

I've asked her to change it, she's said no.

As people have said it shows me who she is and I don’t want that I my life, also I would not be able to get over the resentment.

It's utterly devastating to be on the receiving end of this.
You will never be the same person.

I'm sorry.

It can make a massive difference to people

I’m sorry that your parents did this. Is there really no reason at all you can think of? One of my brothers is likely to get more than me and the other brother because he’s a complete fuck up and my mother likes nothing more than acting lady bountiful with him and no doubt she’ll continue to reward his incompetence long after her death.

Barring any family rifts or criminal enterprise and assuming a close and nurturing family relationship, I think anything other than an equal split is abhorrent.

You aren’t grabby at all, although frankly I would be if my parents divided their estate in such a manner that offers fuck all explanation as to why I was considered less deserving than my sibling!

Im so sorry OP, this must hurt deeply. I wish you the best.

Firstly, it's very easy to hypothetically give away a large chunk of money, much harder to actually do it when it's your money. OP is basically asking her sister to give her £40K.

Secondly, I suspect there is a reason OP's parents decided to split their estate like this. I believe OP when she says she doesn't know what reason, but there must be an underlying reason (reasonable or otherwise) for her parents to have done this.

Finally, it was her parents' choice to split it that way, and it's reasonable and legal to respect those wishes.

OP I would feel the same as you, and on the face of it without a reason I would walk away from your sister as I’d not be able to overcome the unfairness. I know my sisters would balance with me if the same happened.

That being said I would give your sister one last chance to explain why. Could it be that she helped them more in older age? Did you visit them as often as she did?

Sorry you’re in this position.

There must be a reason, even if you don't know or don't want to admit what it is.

I can see why you are disappointed, but your parents obviously had their reasons and their wishes should be respected.

Your sister has every right to keep the money your parents wanted her to have. You have every right to cut her off if you want to and she can do the same to you if she wants to.

It's very easy to tell us how generous you would have been if it had been the other way round, because you are never going to be tested on it. Your claim does not place any obligation on your sister.

Be grateful for what you did get, which is a bigger windfall than many people will ever get.

There must be some backstory.

My dh has experienced this. Shameful of your mum and devasting as you are both grieving her loss and now the hurt she has caused when you can't ask her "why?" and can never get any closure.

My dh has not spoken to his brother or his nieces/nephews in over 10 years now and it is still just as raw.

Sorry this has happened to you, I hope you and your sister manage to get through it.

theres obviously a huge lot more to this than you’ve said.
Your parents’ would have done this knowingly… who was the executor? Did you see the will?

Could it be to do with your partners ? Did your parents dislike your partner and not want their money going to them?

So OP, could it be possible that one parent may have discovered later that they weren't the biological parent? And your sister knows?

thats a very strange conclusion to draw

In what way was she the favourite child?

It just seems so strange for the split to be that uneven with no back story. To be clear, I'm not suggesting you are at fault or did anything wrong. I'm just thinking your parents must have had some reason even if it was a shit and unreasonable and stupid one. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I’m sorry but I can’t believe this has completely come out of the blue and you have absolutely no idea why. Have they helped you out more during their lifetime, or did she care for them in old age. We can all say how awful but we don’t actually know what the reasoning is. If you truly have no idea then it is obviously grossly unfair

My Dad left me everything and my brother nothing
I gave him half
Your sister is being unreasonable IMO

It's a very strange situation....

I know of a family where the mother initially planned to leave more to her two older sons because she spent so much on the younger one who has numerous conditions, largely but not solely mental health ones. As it is he's cleaned her out and care fees are going to take everything from the house sale so there's not going to be anything left anyway. But I can follow the logic of that because she always felt terrible that her eldest sons, who established themselves despite having their own problems as well, never asked for anything while their younger brother ripped through everything and still ended up in debt with nothing to show for it.

I'm not suggesting for a second that OP has done anything like that, just that there's usually some sort of situation like that when an inheritance is very one sided. When there isn't, you might need to think of stranger things.

Ok. It's a legal will. Who drafted it? If a solicitor was involved they would have asked about the discrepancy. So talk to them.

It's awful Amy reason or backstory as to why ? Yes think I'd just live my own life and keep things distantly polite with sister .

The thing is families can have a a favourite child without it being reflected in the will.

Did anything happen like move away from your home town? Live abroad?