Unbalanced Inheritance Division

[Stilson]

I'll keep it brief, my parents both died some time ago, and I can't get over this.

The estate was split with 20% going to me and 80% to my sister. She gets £160k I get £40k.

Both about the same age, both been a part of the family equally, she is wealthier than me by a large margin.

I want to cut all ties as she refuses to balance out the amounts, even a 60:40 split.

We're it the other way round I would be uncomfortable with the settlements and would rectify it, she won't.

AIBU?

Yes that’s so very upsetting.
Similar happened to my Dad, he got 20% and his sisters shared the rest. They haven’t spoken since which has caused a huge rift and the family has been completely divided as a result.

I would be so hurt, and like you, if the shoe was on the other foot I’d immediately share with my sister. But is money worth losing your sister for?

Life is so short, don’t make any knee jerk decisions that you may come to regret.
Really hope it works out for you @Stilson x

Did she look after your parents more than you? Spend more time with them? Very odd otherwise

You can only challenge a will if you are a spouse or in some way a dependent. Not true of healthy adult children with their own incomes.

There is usually is a backstory , particularity since the Op is reluctant to go into any great detail
My sil’s father died ( she is one of five ) .
She received fifty percent of the inheritance and the rest was shared among the four remaining siblings .
Her siblings were up in arms about this fact and made it clear that they thought it was unfair and told anyone who would listen
However, they didn’t mention the fact that my sil was the only person who took care of their father after their mother died . She attended all his hospital appointments , took him out to dinner and on family holidays .
Visited him over the Christmas period with her children . The other siblings didnt do anything to assist yet expected an equal share
Fortunately for them my sil shared the money equally because she didn’t want a rift in the family as she wanted to keep in touch with her nephews and nieces

I think the unfairness would hurt me a lot so I could cut ties too.

That’s terrible. How hurtful of your parents.

My childless aunt left twice as much to my sister because she helped her more than I did . She told me she was going to do it, and I said I understood. It was fair.

Your sister knows you are entitled to an equal share of the money. It was nasty of your parents to not share the money equally. I'd cut ties if my sister refused to share equally.

Aunts, uncles and other distant relatives are a different kettle of fish. If you have an aunt who prefers your sister to you for whatever reason, and that is reflected in her will, it doesn't cause you the existential pain of your parents preferring your sister to you. It's also much more natural for two siblings to have very different relationships with an aunt.

you have to let this go. both of your parents have died, your sister isn't giving you any money.

accept it and move fwd. live your live now, as it is, you don't have another one

read some self help books maybe or so sort of therapy, professional or otherwise but you have to step forward.

you have 40k, more than most in the UK , and much much more than the vast majority of people in the world.

If it is as you say - not sure I could forgive my sibling for not doing a deed of variation.

It is extremely unfair, but there is a reason.

They may have wanted to compensate your sister for something you weren't aware of.
One of them may have made a promise or commitment to her during their lifetime?

One parent may have discovered later that they weren't the biological parent?

Always, always split equally, unless the other family member (s) is, a murderer, paedophile, imprisoned for a heinous crime, or locked away for life in a psychiatric unit or something equally serious.
No matter if parents fell out with a child, or one child provided more care, or was the favoured child, the poorer or richer child. To do anything else is vindictive and cruel and results in legal wrangling for years. I’m surprised the poll results aren’t be in 100% in favour of OP

So what if she did? Circumstances differ. Just divide it equally

Another possibility is that your sister is not as wealthy as you think she is.

Some people do a good impression of wealth while they are up to their eyeballs in debt. It's not beyond the possibility that she told your parents about this and they agreed to change the split.

The split itself seems "calculated". If she had been the favourite why not leave everything to her ?

Did your parents tell you about this before they died ? When was the will last revised ? Was there a difference for example between one parents will and the other ?

Do you have an Aunt or godparent that will leave you their money and it is an attempt to even things up ?

If you genuinely don't know the reason why this happened there are plenty of opportunities for investigation to try to discover why.

I don’t believe that there’s not a reason or backstory here

I imagine there's a back story. For example, did your sister give them a substantial amount of money or subsidise their income?

If you really don't know or can't think of a reason, that's very odd.

After my dad died I discovered that,years ago, he'd given my sister £10,000 for a house deposit. She didn't request it, he just gave it to her. She and my mum both assumed he'd done the same for me.

My mum immediately gave me the money (plus interest) as soon as she realised. However it felt horrible as he was no longer around to explain. He was usually a really fair person so it was inexplicable.

I'm also speaking as a parent (not that that is important) and agree its poor behaviour by OPs parents (largely because they haven't said why they did this). But, the only thing we know for certain is that the will was split 20/80. We don't know why and neither does the OP apparently.

As pp have said, they might have owed the sister money, felt they'd given OP more than her sibling etc etc

There could be any number of reasons and it doesn't look like the OP is going to be back to tell us.

Did your parents make their Wills with a solicitor? If so, any decent solicitor would have asked them why the discrepancy and made a note of what they said (used to be a Wills and Probate Secretary, general Legal Secretary before that elsewhere) - the solicitors always made a note of why there was a discrepancy in case of a case being brought against the estate.

If you really don't know why this has happened and there was a solicitor involved, ask them to go check back on the file as to what was said - it might not be easy but might help you understand what your parents chose this.

Well, that is still up to the parents though.

That's a really shitty thing for your parents to have done, particularly with no explanation or rationale for their decision to treat one daughter so much more favourably than the other.

Your sister has inheritated an amount which is four times the amount of your inheritance which, if there isn't a back story to explain this, is a horrible thing for them to do.

Who have been cruel and unfair, with no reason given.

I’m so sorry it feels like a rejection on top of your grief. Your sister doesn’t want to even it out because that’s the person she is and it’s no reflection on you. You put that 40K into a mortgage as it still is a sizable chunk.

Whenever inheritance comes up on here the general consensus is you're not entitled to anyone's money, that it's nice if you get it, but it's no ones responsibility to give it. There must be some reason that the parents did what they did. It is absolutely not the sisters responsibility to correct this - it might not be incorrect, there may well be good reason. I just think it comes across as shooting the messenger. I would probably gift money or do this deed of variation (I don't know about the workings of that). But if someone told me that they would cut ties with me if I didn't, then I think I'd be inclined not to, simply because they were letting money cloud their feelings for me, in the same way that some posters are accusing the sister of doing. There simply must be more to this than we know.

In similar circumstances I varied the will with no implications for me.

her sister could fix it.