AIBU to move our family from London to my home town?

[CoatsforGoats]

AIBU to move our family out of London to live in the town I grew up in? 3 children under 5 at the moment, so possibly imagining an easier life where getting the buggy around isn't as much of a daily challenge. We have been thinking about it as a family for a couple of years and feel completely stuck.

Points to note

• DH job is firmly London so he would be away part of the week (thinking Mon - Wed or Thursday as a pattern)
• We have a lovely little house in London BUT I am aware of the pollution here, and even walking to the park from our house involves a lot of passing traffic. Middle DC coughs at the fumes and it breaks my heart.
• The town I am from is nice and interesting (altho I haven't lived there in years) plenty going on in terms of culture and sport, good access to mountains and excellent walking/forest nearby.
• We would be able to buy a bigger house and have a much bigger garden if we left.
• We don't really have family here or in the town. Some family are overseas and location doesn't make a huge difference either way.

I guess part of it is that neither of us grew up in London, so that feels like an unknown quantity for us, and we are a bit worried about how a London upbringing might be for older primary aged children and into teen years.

It’s not so much that it’s my thing that Ive lived here my whole life and never felt particularly bored. Not sure why walking around dusty museums and parks full of drug addicts and gang members while making sure your kids know which streets to avoid so they don’t get stabbed is so exciting and worth busting the bank for.

(you can hop on a train and visit the museums and shrek land or whatever even if you live in a small town)

Just go. The country is much nicer.

Why are you making up a load of nonsense?
“dusty museums and parks full of drug addicts and gang members while making sure your kids know which streets to avoid so they don’t get stabbed is so exciting” ? That description is nothing like London.

It's kind of hilarious when people go on about towns being "boring" and "nothing to do" because surely you know that people are actually allowed to leave the town limits and visit other places 😂
My ("boring") hometown might not have theatres or lots of museums but it's a 25 minute train journey to the nearest city which has loads of famous museums and a good theatre (two actually I think) that show all the popular touring shows - all about a 5-10 walk from the railway station.
It takes me 25 minutes from my Zone 3 home in London to get into central and then usually another 25 (at least) to get to a theatre or the major museums.
My 18 year old hates going into central as it (quote) "to long to get anywhere and is exhausting".
Unless you live in central all those museums etc aren't exactly in your doorstep. You still have to travel to get to them.
But really for the OP in this case the decision is more about could she happy with only having her husband there half the week.
There's more important than free museums and 3000 parks.

This was my experience when I went up to London for some training a couple of years ago and thought I’d found a nice place to sit and eat my lunch. Oh don’t get me wrong small towns have drug addicts too of course but this was another level.

Everyone knows London has a bad problem with gang violence I’m unsure why posters are keen to minimise that

You can get your cultural fix in another town. I've lived in both settings and ultimately found London so stressful to negotiate logistically. In the country, you get all the benefits of beautiful landscape, fresh air etc but can also get your activities ' fix' - even going up to London when you feel like it. But the other way round, you get your cultural needs met, yes. but stinking pollution instead of fresh air. I never regretted moving back to the county I grew up in.

They obviously live in the posh bits of London

Maybe so , but still raree in some places than others.

This made me think of the videos that went viral earlier this year where hundreds of thugs descended on a posh street in London and looted the shops while posh locals stood around looking gormless and terrified. Even if you really bust the bank to live in a posh bit you are still a five minute walk from a really bad neighbourhood

Well your anecdote is not matched by the statistics.

Anyway London is huge. There are going to be hot spots I guess. But I live here, have never been mugged, assaulted, burgled....so there's my anecdote. We need to leave the anecdotes and look at the stats. Do bad things happen here? Yes. But they do in other places too. The point is it's not that bad - we are not talking Memphis or Detroit levels of crime!

If you live in Plaistow though and your kids go to eastlea or lister school then you will have a very different view of London on a day to day basis than if you live in Richmond for example

Here’s another anecdote for you Another colleague is Indian and she was telling me about the rape epidemic in India did you know statistically it actually has a low number of rapes as a country? Because victims are scared to report.
Could it be the same in London people are scared to report crime because of gang violence and retribution?
Anyway your statistics don’t track with the known reality of london

We live in zone 6 right now, conscious choice. Close enough to Waterloo (about 40 minutes), good state schools and nurseries, near the Thames for walks, gorgeous parks around, a cute high street and bigger mall a drive away, and we drive out of the city into even more nature in 5 mins - NO TRAFFIC!!! Absolutely love this balance.

We thought about moving to a nice market town in Surrey, and didn’t quite make that step, and are very happy where we are.

I am not from London but dc were born and grew up here. Of the friends I had when dc were pre school age, many decided to pack up and move back to their hometown or out of London completely.

This phase lasted for most anywhere between 1-3 years before they either moved back to London or went abroad
Only one family stayed.Their dc however couldn’t wait to escape and both chose London universities, then got jobs in London. Met their wife/husband in London and have settled and had children and don’t intend to leave London so in order for friends to see more of their children / GC they are moving back.

I know from one of dc’s team activities. They travelled the country doing competitions. Dc met many other teens from all over the country
These children were so jealous of the freedom our children had. Dc were travelling across London on their own to get to school each day at 10 years old. They could get themselves wherever and whenever, meeting friends with no adult input. They weren’t reliant on a parent being able to run them to even a bus stop

Most of the teens we knew had Weekend or evening jobs. Dd worked one weekday evening and Saturdays firstly helping the teacher with one of the extra curricular activities and then teaching it.
Both dc had healthy bank balances by the time they left school.

You know what they say about the plural of anecdote, yes?

London's violent crime rate is lower than the national average for England and Wales. Whether you 'buy' that stat or not, it is nonetheless a stat.

I don't know what dusty London museums you mean (although some small-town museums certainly fit that description; I like a small-town museum but am very glad to have easy access to e.g. the V&A and the BM too).
As for parks full of drug addicts and gang members, you seem to have picked the wrong parks and/or have a vivid imagination. And an anti-London bias.

Hi OP, we had a similar dilemma a few years ago but without DH having to be away for part of the week. We moved from zone 2/3 borders to zone 3 in the end rather than back to my home town. I'd encourage you to fully explore zone 3/4 before you decide as I think with three very young children the pressure of solo parenting for a few days each week will be tough!

Using my area as an example, we live in Northfields in Ealing which is one of the greenest boroughs in London. Our pollution levels are generally fine for London. The area is brilliant for families with great primary and secondary state schools, loads to do for little ones and parks everywhere. Northfields itself has a fab high street with mostly independent shops, coffee shops, and restaurants. Quick connection to central London on the Piccadilly line and close to Ealing Broadway for bigger shops and more tube and train options. I am not sure what your budget is, but you could get a four bed with a decent sized (for London!) garden in great school catchment areas for £1-1.2 million (at the top end you would probably get off street parking).

Just worth thinking about whether there are London neighbourhoods which would suit you all and mean your DH would be around. Good luck, it's a really hard decision to make!

Anyway your statistics don’t track with the known reality of london

Tricky decision isn’t it? Personally I spent 7 years living / working in London then moved to a town in Kent where it’s easy enough to commute. Still love London, take the kids in the holidays, go to the theatre often but love our town life and pleased with our decision.
My cousin made the other decision and stayed in London, very happy still there. Her children now adults and had a wonderful time growing up with everything London has to offer.
Do you have strong family ties in your home town or is there a third option where you move but not as far? Zone 3 or a commuter town? I wouldn’t move so far that your DH is away half the week if I were you.

Ok looking at the stats as you said .

London it’s not a great place to raise kids
London is a dangerous dump

Lol

Family life is just so much better outside London - space, countryside, lower costs, community. But depends on your husband’s job and your own career aspirations. How far would his commute be? You don’t want a split dynamic.

You are sounding more ignorant with every post! I have lived in London for over 30 years and actively chose to raise my kids here. We are in a borough that’s not rich and not poor, somewhere in the middle. It’s been an absolutely brilliant and safe place to raise my children and they are grateful that we stayed here. They went to university elsewhere but came back here to work and absolutely love London life. So many opportunities here.

Of course there are rough bits, and dangerous bits and nice bits. It is a huge city of over 9 million people so prob clever not to generalise?! London is not for everyone and I completely see why some people love living elsewhere. But best not to use hyperbole to prove your point.

Are your kids still young? Because you are posting like you’re still in your teen years.

What because I disagree with you? I think this snippy comment is more juvenile than anything I’ve said. But yes I’m in my 20s so I suppose that may be young to use this site but dosent detract from what I’ve said