AIBU to move our family from London to my home town?

[CoatsforGoats]

AIBU to move our family out of London to live in the town I grew up in? 3 children under 5 at the moment, so possibly imagining an easier life where getting the buggy around isn't as much of a daily challenge. We have been thinking about it as a family for a couple of years and feel completely stuck.

Points to note

• DH job is firmly London so he would be away part of the week (thinking Mon - Wed or Thursday as a pattern)
• We have a lovely little house in London BUT I am aware of the pollution here, and even walking to the park from our house involves a lot of passing traffic. Middle DC coughs at the fumes and it breaks my heart.
• The town I am from is nice and interesting (altho I haven't lived there in years) plenty going on in terms of culture and sport, good access to mountains and excellent walking/forest nearby.
• We would be able to buy a bigger house and have a much bigger garden if we left.
• We don't really have family here or in the town. Some family are overseas and location doesn't make a huge difference either way.

I guess part of it is that neither of us grew up in London, so that feels like an unknown quantity for us, and we are a bit worried about how a London upbringing might be for older primary aged children and into teen years.

Yes but newham and Richmond are still both london. Goes back to what I said about money

Plenty of reasons to leave London @CoatsforGoatsbut not sure why you’re worried about the kids. Pollution levels have dropped hugely and are still dropping. Plenty of excellent state primary and secondary schools as well. BUT it does depend where you can afford to be. We absolutely adore our corner of South London but can’t afford to buy. Our kids went to a wonderful primary school and are now going to an excellent secondary - both they can walk to. Sadly we will have to leave once they’re grown so we can buy for our retirement but it’s the only reason we will.

London is not a dangerous dump. It’s a fabulous vibrant city with lots to offer. It’s also one of the world’s largest urban forests.

You bankrupt yourself living in the smallest pod you could afford there. If you want to live in one of the nicer parts you bankrupt yourself twice as much and your child will still be walking distance from the shittest most dangerous neighbourhoods.

You’re also miles from the sea which would personally be a big no for me especially with how hot summers have been lately

Fgs, you sound a bit unhinged. Yes, housing is expensive and a valid concern, but the OP already owns a house here. But what on earth do you mean by shittest, most dangerous neighbourhoods? Examples? https://www.the-londoner.co.uk/london-is-officially-one-of-the-safest-cities-in-the-western-world/

The crime rate in London is lower than in many other parts of the UK. Perhaps you know that and you're just being provocative?
Also, 'London is a dangerous dump' is quite the generalisation, isn't it?

Unhinged? Over that comment? Really lol.

London has a really high crime rate and there are stabbings constantly, drugs, gangs etc. You can pay even more money to live in an expensive part but that’s still on your doorstep as we saw at the start of summer when a load of thugs went to a posh road in London and looted all the shops.

Not a place I’d raise a kid not sure what’s unhinged about pointing that out

London has a really high crime rate
I refer you to my earlier comment. Or Google.

Does it have to be either or ,could you buy a house within a reasonable commute, So as to negate having a second property and partner needing to spend part of the week in London

You compare it to other cities in the western world. We’re not talking about moving to New York or Paris here. I’m just saying country Britain is safer to raise kids than city Britain

I'm not sure what you mean by You compare it to other cities in the western world.
But it's not accurate to say 'country Britain is safer to raise kids than city Britain'; London rates are lower for some type of crime than rural areas. And London overall has one of the lower crime rates of regions in the UK.

I work in a shop that has branches up and down the country, my colleagues who have worked in London have some stories that much I can tell you. Shit that would happen here once in a blue moon is a near daily event there and I do not mean shoplifting I mean robbery and assault.

Not sure what you meant by “type of crime” because obviously stabbing someone is worse than stealing a cheese toastie no?

Sounds like you’re lucky enough to be living in circumstances which shield your DC from the harsher realities of a London childhood (being pressured to join a gang etc)
so I think you’d be insane to give up the many upsides to growing up in London. We moved away and have regretted it every day.

We now live in a middle class, white town where everyone thinks and acts similarly. Boring is an understatement.

Here are the actual stats on London violence compared to the rest of the country. It is hardly a hell hole! https://www.google.com/search?ie=UTF-8&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&source=android-browser&q=london+crime+rate+versus+uk#lfId=ChxjMe

Now look at the gcse results

https://www.google.com/search?ie=UTF-8&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&source=android-browser&q=gsce+success+by+area#lfId=ChxjMe

I teresting stats. So London ( inc the posh bits) have an average crime rate of 107- 112 per thousand. The town I live in has an average crime rate of 38 per thousand.

But you’re just as likely to be the victim of violent crime in London as you are in your town. (I’m assuming you’re not living in poverty surrounded by gang and drug violence)

So you’re just as safe in vibrant London with its free museums and excellent public transport as you are in your smaller, probably more boring town.

Did you read my earlier comment? I work in a shop that has branches up and down the country, my colleagues who have worked in London have some stories that much I can tell you. Shit that would happen here once in a blue moon is a near daily event there and I do not mean shoplifting I mean robbery and assault.

Im not sure I buy your statistics. How much crime in London goes unreported because it’s just part of life and people know there’s no point reporting.

Did you know there are countries where rape is statistically rare not because it doesn’t happen but because victims are scared to report it

How do you work out I'm just as likely to be a victim of violent crime at home rather than in London

And when I did life in London I was surrounded by such stuff

I grew up in London and am now raising DC in London, so perhaps I am biased. But I think London is amazing for children and teens: so much to do and so much of it free - plus it’s all easily accessible by public transport.

I’d also hate to waste time I could be spending with family on a longer commute rather than getting home quickly. I definitely wouldn’t be ok being away 2/3 nights every week and surely DC would miss their father?

Because being a random victim of violent crime is incredibly rare. In London and elsewhere. It is usually isolated to gang related crime (victims and perpetrators know each other)

I left London (grew up there so knew it very well) for the south coast and while we have of course.been fine here ..I miss London so much !!! I honestly wouldn't move if I could go back in time.

There is just so. Much more to do in London even compared to busy towns elsewhere

I would never ever risk my marriage by setting my husband up in a second home part of the week

Look around London and find somewhere you like better.

I like boring personally 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’d rather my kids be safe and enjoy their childhoods (not only are they safer they also have a nice house because it dosent cost 3K to live in a pod in my town)
We also live right on the beach so in the summer we’re down there literally every day. I grew up here and was never bored, I know all my neighbours.
My kids are friends with the kids of my childhood friends (apart from my eldest but I was only 16 when I had her).

If London is so great why don’t you move back?

That’s great if boredom is your thing. Different strokes for different folks right 🙂

I feel like I'm in an outer part of London that is the best of both worlds - pollution isn't too bad, links to the centre are great and state schools are good - which makes such a difference especially at secondary - the gap between performance of London secondaries and the rest of the country is huge.

As your kids get older the garden will be less important and other amenities more important.

We have a tiny garden but we're near a big park and a big recreation ground with good facilities including basketball, tennis, cricket and football. And they can get a bus or train to so many places easily, get themselves places which as you have multiple children becomes such a blessing. My eldest rides his bike all over, we've got loads of green space and we're not far from proper countryside - and we both have manageable commutes so can be around for the kids.