To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

You’ve made a commitment. Send dh to his sisters

Friends wedding. If she cuts you off for not going to hers then so be it.
They all sound like right pain in the arses anyway.

Abaolutely go to your friends wedding. Let them be angry. Your DH can decide if he wants to go to his sisters wedding over your friends which would be fair enough.

Yes I think the anger has be misdirected to poor OP when the anger really lies towards SIL for not checking. Are PIL paying and now annoyed it won’t be as they imagined? Also think PP had a point re you being the designated nanny for the night and now that’s potentially blown up in their face

Can't believe you're even given this a second's thought OP.

You have made a commitment to your friend to be in her bridal party. Can you imagine how hurt she'd be if you cancel now.

Your in-laws are only getting angry because they want all the family at their daughter's wedding and think you should do as you're told.

You're an adult, you have made an arrangement to be part of your friend's wedding and so that's the arrangement you stick with.

So what if they get angry?

If they never speak to you again it sound like a win.

I’d go to friends wedding. DH can make his own decision.

I’m the opposite to everyone else. Annoying as it is, and I agree the short notice is ridiculous, you have to go to your SIL’s wedding. Family trumps everything even when they’ve been thoughtless on timescales

I would stick with your friends, what does your DH think?

For me an in-law would never trump a close friend

This is awful. Who the hell only lives their family 6 weeks notice, unless there is a massive back story? And then berates them because they have other really important plans on that date?

You should go to yourfriends wedding. It's been booked for ages. Really inconsiderate of your sil to give such short notice.

An invitation is not a summons.

You had prior plans that you would prefer to honour.

If your DH's family don't understand that - well, they've already shown they have poor manners. Time to stand up for good manners, common sense, and yourself. Discuss with DH what to do, then tell them what you've decided. Beyond this particular situation, whatever you do you're setting a precedent. And you don't want it to be that you're expected to drop everything when your SIL has a thing planned.

Friends wedding. Your DH’s family can be mad as they like but you honour your commitment to your friend.

As I said upthread I hate nonsense mantras like this.

“ Family trumps everything” so a SIL that she clearly isn’t close with and didn’t value enough to invite earlier, is more deserving of OP’s time and effort than her close friend who showed her the respect of giving decent notice and inviting her to be part of the wedding party?

And why? “Because family” 🤦🏽‍♀️ ugh it is just so mindless.

If people treat their friends like this to appease entitled in-laws no wonder so many people report losing friends after marriage.

And if/when they get divorced they realise half their “family” doesn’t GAF about them and will pretend like they never existed.

Friend's wedding. You have very definitely made a commitment that you will be there.

Friends wedding comes first 100%.

That your PIL are scared of SIL's tantrum is not your problem to solve. And if they fall out with you they dont sound much of a loss!

Your attendance at your friends wedding was agreed (I am going guess) well over a year ago, and your bookings were made 6 months ago. That takes priority. If SIL wanted you there that badly, she would have checked your availability.

Stop being a people pleaser. As a former PP I can tell you that it never works. You really cannot please everyone so the only thing to do is please yourself. Also, why are you tying yourself in knots over this. You tell DH that you are still doing friends wedding and he needs to make this clear to his family.

Honestly I'd just let them be angry and I'd be quite comfortable with it.

You're not available on that date. You aren't unreasonable to not be available for a wedding at 6 weeks notice. Fuck them!

You can't do that to your friend at this point. Friend's wedding all the way.

Personally, I'm not that impressed with people who think it's okay to drop out of events just because something else came along or because family say you should because they trump the other invite. You made the commitment long before this sister in law issued her invite so DH's family are out of order - if you book something like this at short notice there will always be guests who can't make it and they should accept that. You have made the suggestion that DH goes which isn't good enough for them so he goes with you to your friends wedding.

This.
Parents in law need to realise this.

This

Havent read the thread, but will do. But no, you are committed to your friends wedding. The Original invite, the one you have committed to. Family need to jog off. Such short notice. If they had wanted you and DH there, they would have checked dates first.

I would go to my friends wedding. Sending invites for a wedding on 6 weeks time is practically unheard of. I would just let my in laws be angry with me

They can direct their anger to their dd, for being so disorganised.

There is no way in a million year's I'd let my friend down for this situation.

I personally don't think your dh should go to the last minute wedding, when you are both already committed, either, but that is slightly more of a grey area, and for him to decide.

So what?
You have a prior engagement that you absolutely can’t cancel at this short notice.