To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

Well done on making the decesions and sending the message. Enjoy being a bridesmaid.

Agreed. And well done OP. Don't give in to any emotional nonsense either. They caused this.

As a pp said, unless one of them (or I guess a very close family member like the bride's mother) is terminally ill there is no reason for this ridiculously short notice.

Wow. Unexpected, and impressive. And brave.

Fair play to you, well done.

You go to your friend's wedding. Of course. Well done for stating that. Manners and prior obligations matter.

You are now being as big a dick as your husband. Put your big girl pants on and stand up for yourself!
Yout friend will be devastated if you drop out now. She and the rest of your friendship group will have nothing more to do with you. My husbands sister bailed on our wedding 2 weeks before. It was 2 years before I could bring myself to speak to her!
Dont be so nasty

Read the update.

Well done! It’s the right decision and good to hear your DH is supporting you. If his sister was so keen to have you both there then she should have checked the date first as it’s not far away!

It's definitely not your issue that they have chosen to wed quick and not checked availability first. Sounds odd to rush and to expect everyone can attend. I'd go to your friends, you have a role, money has been spent by them too so for you to pull out is a shame. It might impact your friendship with your friend? Husband can go to his sisters do. You can only apologise and say you got the friends wedding invite first and have a role and that was thr first commitment.

If you marry your partner your side of the church may well look pretty empty op if this is how you treat friends.

Well done op. You can’t have a wedding with 6 weeks notice and normal people check the availability of key guests anyway. The sister is incredibly arrogant.

Well done OP. People’s bad behaviour (and I’m sure this isn’t the first time with SIL) should not be rewarded. It just encourages them to continue to do it further.

Stick to your guns.

I see that you've already messaged DH's family, but tbh, I'd rethink and divide and conquer inside. You have to go to your friend's wedding as you're in the bridal party; DH can attend his sister's wedding.

I know that you said that your friend will be upset that your DH isn't coming, but ultimately, she'll understand that he's been put in an impossible situation. You're her friend and you'll be there; that's the most important thing.

OK, you'll get flack from your SIL and PIL, but they sound pretty awful anything! Perhaps if you don't see much of them going forward, it'll be a plus (they'll still want to see your DH).

Try reading the OP's update on previous page. at 19.45, practically 1/2 hour before you posted this.

Good for you- enjoy your friends wedding! Dont let your in laws make you feel bad you’ve done nothing wrong. The arrogance from them expecting you to just cancel on a friend.

The family can be as angry as they like. It is absolutely ridiculous to expect people to have no plans 6 weeks ahead of time. Thats what save the dates are for! And it is just as ridiculous for them to be angry about you sticking to original plan and the wedding/bride who actually pre planned! Go to your friends wedding

Fully agree with this!

Well done @Watdidusay
It was the right decision. Do not cave to pressure from the family.

You made the right decision @Watdidusay, well done, it's not easy to say no to people like this❤️

Don't give in, even if they kick up a fuss.

Just as a matter of interest, how likely is it that all of a family would be completely free for an event in six weeks time?? We struggle to organise getting together with a few of us with 6 months notice.
6 weeks for a wedding is absolutely crazy!!

You’d be a terrible friend to cancel her wedding! Your partner should go to his sisters and you, your friends, surely your friend would understand why he needs to cancel?

This is bizarre behavior from the whole family, be clear with them you are not choosing a friend over your SIL, I assume had you been invited to both weddings with the same notice you would have had to choose the family option but anyone with even a basic amount of empathy should understand that you are already due to be a bridesmaid on that day and it would be really awful to pull out with such short notice. Did they cotton on to the wedding date of your friend and do this on purpose? Seriously you cannot accommodate these people, they're being awful and manipulative

Good. Ignore any bad replies you may get from them

100% the right thing IMO. I wouldn't have even considered booking a wedding date before checking if my brother, or DHs sister could make it. If she felt close to your DH she would have checked, I genuinely can't believe the cheek of his family asking you to cancel going given their short notice. Its horrible being in this situation though fit you and your DH but even if you weren't bridesmaid it still would have been right not to cancel.

I’m very proud of you even though I don’t know you! 😂 That’s awesome. We need to do this more. It’s ok to not acquiesce to people just because they get angry or upset. As long as we are not being deliberately mean or doing really inconsiderate things.

You have 100% done the right thing and I’m glad your DH is being strong.

If your SIL wanted you there they should have checked with you that the date was convenient and also given a lot more notice. Your friend asked first and you agree so you should honour that commitment, if the ils are unhappy they are bu.