To cancel going to friends wedding

[Watdidusay]

We have a close friends wedding to attend in 6 weeks. It's been booked about 6 months in advance. We've prepaid for travel, hotels, childminding and bought traditional clothing for the event. I'm in the wedding party.

Just received an invite to my SILs wedding today (DHs sister) for the same date. In 6 weeks time.
Different part of the country.

Family are all saying we have to cancel the other wedding. We are going to be out hundreds of £.

AIBU to go to family wedding instead just to make my life easier? Everyone is angry at me for even considering not going to DHs sisters wedding. I feel terrible.

I would go to friend's wedding.
6 weeks notice is a joke.

Not a chance would I miss a wedding where I was bridesmaid for a family wedding that was sprung upon me. Your in laws are being utterly unreasonable.

I do think I would go by myself, though, and her DH to go to the family one with the kids. You say your friend will be equally upset of one or both of you miss it. But if she’s a reasonable person then she’ll understand that it was a compromise that you had to give.

Much of a muchness?

your DH is a guest

YOU ARE A BRIDESMAID

the fact you are even considering cancelling and blaming it on “much of a muchness” tells me that deep down you want to cancel your friend and really want to Attend SILs

if that’s the case stop blaming your in laws

I’m sorry, but if you can’t stand up to your weirdo in-laws and tell them that you will be attending your friends wedding, then you’re a wet blanket.

You are a grown ass woman! Stand the fuck up for yourself!

The OP’s post that I replied to was very specific about her DH, as was my reply.

The OP not attending was part of either post that PJ 98 replied to, hence my reply to them.

It wouldn’t be much of a muchness if I were the bride and one of my bridesmaids cried off in this situation. Nothing to do with who had paid for the bridesmaid’s dress. You are a separate person from your husband and able to make your own decisions based on your own values. I understand you feel terrible, it’s a difficult situation but it’s only difficult because of the pressure your PIL’s are piling on. Without this, the choice is a no brainer. The only real reason to feel terrible would be to let down your friend because of kow towing to your PUL’s. Please don’t do this.

Wow. Just wow.

it is not ‘much of a muchness’ in any way shape or form. I can’t believe you even said this.

you go to your friends wedding and dh go to his sisters. It’s the least worst compromise here.

The “much of a muchness” comment screams reverse to me.

nobody is that glib about being a bridesmaid for a very close friend.

I am pretty forgiving, but I don't know that I could get past you cancelling at this late date. I would also be worried about the dynamic in this family. They sound very unreasonable, and I would not want to be ruled by their whims. Accepted invitation would only be trumped by something like a deathbed wedding.

It's interesting how the OP @Watdidusay has not come back lol.

Enjoy the wedding, whichever you choose to attend.

SIL and parents are incredibly entitled to think everyone should drop their plans at a moments notice because SIL can’t be bothered to either (a) communicate the date of her wedding in good time or (b) organise a wedding with a decent notice period. What on earth sort of wedding is it that they’ve only booked it a few weeks in advance?! Surely loads of people they’re inviting can’t make it. I think it would be absolutely awful of you to drop out of being a bridesmaid to your friend for this. You’d have to be comfortable with risking losing her as a friend forever. Who cares if SIL and PIL think you’re being unreasonable, they’re being absolutely bonkers and don’t sound like very nice people. You can’t control what they think of you, you can only do what you think is right. If I was your friend I wouldn’t forgive you if you pulled out of the wedding for SIL’s wedding and although it would be annoying if your DH pulled out (as I assume they’ve already had to pay for his place) I’d understand if he didn’t want to miss his sisters wedding (provided he was deeply apologetic) even though she didn’t give anyone the courtesy of decent advance notice. I actually can’t get over how cheeky it is to expect everyone to drop everything for you. I’ve given people over a years notice about my wedding and I wouldn’t care if any one of them couldn’t make it provided they let me know by the rsvp date.

Responses have been completely overwhelming obviously.

I messaged SIL directly at lunch today to say sorry we had already committed to the other wedding and couldn't attend on this date she set. DH messaged his family WhatsApp group to say the same. Radio silence since. We'll see what happens.

You go to the friends wedding, whose invitation you had first and already accepted.
This actually happened to Prince William (can't remember whose wedding), and he kept to the original invitation, which is the correct thing to do.
6 weeks notice is no time at all.
Most people have their wedings arranged months in advance, so presumably unless it is a quick register office wedding, then they could have given you much longer notice.

Do you and your husband have to be joined at the hip?

He should go to his sisters wedding

And you should go to your friends wedding.

And no one reasonable should have a problem with that.

You’re not being unreasonable… however you get to decide… go to the wedding you’d most enjoy celebrating

❤️🎉

Definitely not much of a muchness. It’s his sister. He can apologise profusely and most people will be upset but kind of understand. But it’s not your sister, and you’re in the bridal party. Huge difference!

Well done. That was the right thing to do but it took guts. I hope you don’t suffer too much. Enjoy your friend’s wedding.

Well done @Watdidusay and even more 'well done' to your dh.

I mean, I don't think there was (or shouldn't have been) a question at all about the fact YOU should obviously go to your friend's wedding.
I can understand your dh had a bit more of a dilemma, but I also think he should go to the wedding he had already committed to, too.

Although your in-laws will probably be angry now, it is FAR better they learn at this relatively early stage that you have your own lives, your own boundaries and will make your own decisions about things and not be bullied by his parents.

If she "punishes" you with silence or rudeness because of her own crap organisation and entitlement, that confirms that you're right to prioritise your commitment to your friend instead of her.

Exactly this.

You should go to your friends wedding and your DH should go to his sister's.

It's very unreasonable for your SIL to only give 6 weeks notice

I know you both feel terrible as you would want to be be there for them too. But it is their fault leaving it 6 weeks before the date. I wonder if others have declined too due to it clashing with other plans? They may well move the date. I think it’s the right thing to do for you both to attend your friend’s wedding.

No family does not come first in this scenario. A last minute wedding summons does not come first when the OP has other commitments.

OMG I would drop you as a friend after that. It’s not about the dress.
How can you be such a wet lettuce

That’s insane. 6 weeks notice is ridiculous. You go to your friend. He can go to the sisters.